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5 Things I'd Do if I Were a Cat for a Day

My cats lounge on a fleece blanket while I run errands in the snowy weather? Let's trade places!

 |  Dec 2nd 2013  |   19 Contributions


Sometimes when it's snowing outside and I have to go grocery shopping or I'm tired, yet have a mile-high list of to-dos and adult-type responsibilities, I feel more than a little jealous of my cats. I'll look over and see them curled up on a fleece blanket without a care in the world and I wish I were doing the same thing. Curses!

I was thinking about how funny it would be if one of my cats and I were to wake up one morning and discover our bodies had been switched. You know, like Freaky Friday. I think my cat would grow to appreciate exactly how much I do for her and her brethren. And me? I already know how good they have it and just want to experience a little bit of that luxury! Here are five things I'd do spending a day in a kitty body. 

1. I'd spend hours meditatively staring at walls

I want to become a stare-well.

I'm always tickled watching cats stare at walls. They look so peaceful and relaxed, right? What are they looking at? Does it really matter? I enjoy my morning meditation and think they probably feel the same kind of Zen I feel when I'm in the "zone." I'd like to enjoy some of that extended wall-staring. Maybe that's the secret to enlightenment? Or maybe I'd just discover I really need to scrub my walls (like I did when this photo was taken -- yuck!).

2. I'd heed the allure of warm laundry

I think they have something here.

Who doesn't like to feel cozy? I am a huge fan of cushy blankets and heating pads. I can totally see why a cat would want to nestle up in a pile of fresh-from-the-dryer laundry. I suppose we could always do that too, but then we'd worry about wrinkles. Cats couldn't give a rip if our clothes are wrinkled or full of cat hair. They just want the warm. Bring it!

3. I'd play nonstop

Phoebe is confused, yet intrigued.

Cats can drop everything (ha -- like what would they "drop?") and play. If they feel playful and frisky, they create their own fun, whether with store-bought toys, a twist tie, or hair elastic. And they aren't afraid to look silly while playing. They suddenly forget they're these dignified creatures and roll down the stairs like kittens. I love to play. I want to be able to drop everything and play whenever the mood strikes me. I'd totally cash in on this kitty benefit.

4. I'd stare until I got what I want

Please?

Cats are master manipulators. My Cosmo stares at me until I give him exactly what he wants. That sucker can wear me down, too. If I'm busy and can't get him what he desires at the moment, I try and ignore his high-beam eyeballs, but my attempts are futile. Have you ever tried to ignore a cat? Yeah, good luck with that. As a human, if I were to incessantly stare at people, I'd soon be called "that creepy girl." If I were a cat, I'd get everything I wanted. No fair.

5. I'd have no responsibilities 

A whole day of lollygagging? Yes!

How great would this be? If I were a cat, I'd never have to think ahead. I wouldn't have to consult my day planner or schedule appointments. I'd just "be." I could chill all day, cuddle up in some warm laundry, take a play break, and then ask for treats. There's something to be said for the quotation: "In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this." I want to be worshipped as a goddess for a day! But for today I have a mile-high to-do list. Maybe I'll sit on a pile of warm laundry while I work on it.

What would you do if you were a cat for a day? Tell us in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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