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If There Were Oscars for Cats, Mine Would Win These 6

Best Screen Play? Most Dramatic at Mealtime? My cats would rule these categories.

Angie Bailey  |  Jan 12th 2015


It’s nearly time to dive headfirst into the awards season, and my family couldn’t be more excited. We’re kind of award-show geeks and don’t miss a single one, including every second of the red-carpet coverage.

Because entertainment awards are top of mind right now, I was thinking about the kinds of awards my cats would win if there were some sort of Oscar-style race for felines. After careful consideration, here are my thoughts.

1. Most Dramatic at Mealtime — Cosmo

All my cats go a little nuts while I’m preparing their meals, but Cosmo’s dramatic flair places him in a category all by himself. He begins pacing about an hour before the food lands in the dish, and as I’m plating his chow, his head all but explodes. He races in circles like a launched rocket. He’s even been known to run into furniture — not even kidding.

Congratulations, Cosmo!

2. Funniest Eater and Drinker — Phoebe

Phoebe has to be the quirkiest eater and drinker I’ve ever met — humans and cats alike. She drinks water by dipping her paw into the fountain and then licking the liquid off that paw. And when it comes to eating, she insists on isolating and eating one piece of kibble at a time. Watching her eat and drink is some of the best entertainment in the house.

Congratulations, Phoebe!

3. Best Screen Play — Saffy

Saffy is our wild huntress. She doesn’t go outdoors, but demonstrates her prowess by capturing catnip toys and leaving the “fresh kill” outside our bedroom door at night. Naturally, she’s a fanatic about spending time at any type of screen door or window. She mentally hunts the chipmunks and birds like a pro, and makes the best chirpy noises in the business.

Congratulations, Saffy!

4. Best Hider — Saffy

At the end of most days, we find Saffy hiding in our bedroom closet. It takes some searching, though. That cat is skilled in locating the most secret of stowaway spots. It could also be that our closet is so packed with crap, secret stowaway spots are readily available. Whatever the case, Saffy is one stealthy cat.

Congratulations, Saffy!

5. Best Worst Hider — Cosmo

Cosmo, on the other hand, can’t ever seem to fully hide his body. There’s always something sticking out, telling the world, “I’m trying to be invisible.” The poor kid has to be rewarded for effort.

Congratulations, Cosmo!

6. Best Supporting Lap-Cat — Phoebe

Cosmo would win the Best Lap Cat award because he’s a total Velcro cat when it comes to me. Phoebe, however, constantly tries to beat him to lay claim to the valuable real estate that is my lap. And when she does, she’s the cuddliest lap kitty around. Bonus: Unlike Cosmo, she doesn’t drool.

Congratulations, Phoebe!

What kind of Oscar-style award would your cat receive? Tell us in the comments!

Homepage image by Joe Seer via Shutterstock.

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.