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Did Your Cats Make New Year’s Resolutions? Mine Did!

Self-control, intra-species love -- and a shot at a flying food source -- are among the pledges.

JaneA Kelley  |  Jan 7th 2015


Ah, the New Year’s resolution: the way we start our year with good intentions. I’m proud to say that I already accomplished my New Year’s resolution — never mind that it was "write ‘2015’ on my January rent check" — so I’m batting 1,000 for this year. But my cats’ goals are a bit more long-term, because it is awfully hard to build on perfection. Without further ado, here they are.

1. Bella: Get that *&%?@ing seagull!

Every single morning, without fail, a seagull perches on the roof of the apartment next door and looks in the window. This is clearly a sign of aggression, or maybe of desire to be a cat’s breakfast. Bella swears she’s going to find a way to get outdoors and feast on that taunting feather-head!

2. Bella: Stop chasing Siouxsie — or at least stop chasing her as much

Bella knows that Siouxsie is an old kitty, but sometimes the urge to jump on her and get her to play just overwhelms my sweet little perma-kitten. Naturally, Siouxsie is not a fan of Bella’s youthful vigor and does her best to put her in her place.

3. Thomas: Let Mama trim my claws without fighting for my life

Thomas is fine when I trim his front claws, but the rear ones are his chief implement of destruction. Even though he lives the life of a pampered housecat, he still feels a deep-seated need to ensure that his rear claws are as long and strong as possible so he can shred the bejezus out of any feline interlopers. But he knows the only thing he’s shredding with those daggers is my skin as he walks across my lap, so he really wants to change his ways.

4. Thomas: Work my way into Siouxsie’s heart

Thomas is a very friendly guy, and he wants to treat his Siouxsie with kindness, but sometimes Siouxsie responds to his overtures with the same degree of enthusiasm she has for Bella’s shenanigans. But he feels like he’s making progress because Siouxsie has actually let him clean her fur twice now!

5. Siouxsie: Stop growling at the vet

Siouxsie’s been around long enough to know that the vet is only there to help her feel better, but that doesn’t stop her from getting really angry when the kitty doctor handles her. At least she’s wise enough to not up the ante to full-on biting and scratching, but boy, the hissing and cursing is enough to curl your hair!

6. Siouxsie: Stop growling at Bella

Siouxsie knows that Bella is still practically a kitten, but that doesn’t stop her from being mightily annoyed when Bella chases her around the house. She also knows that if she just stopped with all her growling and hissing, Bella probably wouldn’t think it was fun to chase her anymore — but that little whippersnapper needs to learn who’s in charge!

If your cats made New Year’s resolutions, what would they be? Share your (or your cats’) thoughts in the comments.

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About JaneA Kelley: Punk-rock cat mom, science nerd, animal shelter volunteer and all-around geek with a passion for bad puns, intelligent conversation, and role-play adventure games. She gratefully and gracefully accepts her status as chief cat slave for her family of feline bloggers, who have been writing their award-winning cat advice blog, Paws and Effect, since 2003.