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OK, I Admit It: I Baby Talk to My Cats (Just a Widdle)

I know I said I didn't, but I guess I kinda lied. Here are eight phrases I find myself saying to my cute widdle cats.

Angie Bailey  |  Sep 16th 2013

In a post I wrote several weeks ago, I indicated I do not baby talk to my cats. Then I started paying attention to some of the phrases I say over and over to them. Guess what? A few of them are indeed baby-talkish. Not all of them, but I can’t say I’m immune to sweet talking my kit cats.

Here are eight phrases I commonly say to my cats. Can you relate?

1. “She’s a night-night girl!”

A couple of months ago, Phoebe started joining me in bed at night. I go to bed fairly early, and when she sees me make my way to the bedroom, she immediately runs ahead of me and jumps on the bed. If I happen to stay up later than usual, she sits within my view and stares at me until I begin my pre-bedtime routine. When I’m brushing my teeth, she lies on the bed and snuggles with my husband, purring and head-butting like crazy. Then I come in and she gets a double-snuggle for a while. During all of this, I’m constantly saying, “Are you a night-night girl? Yes, she’s a night-night girl!” And I’m sure you can imagine the syrupy voice tone. Cavity, much?

2. “Hey there, big girl!”

Ah, sweet Saffy. Large Marge. Rhino. I love this cat, but she’s not all that stealthy. So when she’s up to no good, she usually creates her own soundtrack. I find I’m often finding her in compromising positions and saying, “Hey there, big girl!” She typically looks at me like, “What? I wasn’t doing anything.” Large Marge is a terrible liar.

3. “Whazzup cranky pants?”

Cosmo looks perpetually irritated, even when he’s not. I call the look his “cranky pants.” When I walk into a room and find him looking particularly crotchety, I greet him with, “Whazzup cranky pants?” He doesn’t look amused. As usual.

4. “She’s a bun-bun!”

Phoebe’s fur is rabbity soft, especially her belly. Because of this luxurious floof, I often call her Bunny, Rabbit or Bun-Bun. This is especially true when I’m petting her. How could I not? I’m just waiting for her to complete her transformation by growing long ears and giant front teeth.

5. “Tell Mama secrets!”

When Cosmo is purring in my lap, I sometimes press his rumbling nose against my ear because I love the vibration and feel of his stubby snout. When he’s really in the happy zone, he allows his nose to rest there for more than a few seconds, which is pretty good for a cat with little patience. All the while, I whisper to him, “Tell Mama secrets!” He’s usually got some good dish, too.

6. “Wrong cat lips!”

Saffy enjoys her food, but she especially digs food that doesn’t belong to her — primarily Phoebe’s. My cats are ages 8, 12 and 13, so I’ve had some time to really get to know them and their little quirks and habits. I even know what each of their mouths sound like when they’re eating. If I’m in another room, I immediately know when Saffy’s going to town on Phoebe’s food and call out, “Wrong cat lips!” before I head into the kitchen to remove Rhino from the hijacked dish.

7. “Hey, Monkey!”

I love calling Phoebe and Cosmo “Monkey.” I think it’s because they’re busy like little monkeys. Also, I love that “Monkey” is Dwight’s nickname for Angela on The Office. It’s sweet. I find myself greeting them with that salutation quite a bit, especially when we’re snuggling.

8. “Not time!”

About an hour prior to mealtimes, Cosmo starts pacing around, staring at me and “warming up” for the feature presentation: a bowl of cat food. When he stares at me, I return the plea with, “Not time.” I probably say this to him a dozen or more times before I begin preparing food and he officially loses his mind with anticipation of gravy-laden ecstasy.

What phrases do you use most with your cats? Tell us about it in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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