Humor
Share this image

6 Shocking Expressions That Spring From My Sleeping Cats

The snores, the swats, the adorable trills -- and yes, the gas -- get me every time.

Angie Bailey  |  Nov 23rd 2015


I adore cats. One reason is that they’re fairly quiet in nature, and they’re a natural anti-anxiety treatment. Not much matches the chill factor of relaxing with a kitty. I especially love watching them while they sleep. Don’t they look super peaceful? I think so, too. Can we please figure out a way to bottle that peace? Oh, man — we’d all be kazillionnaires if we could sell that! Let’s do it!

Cats’ serene vibes makes their “sleepy” surprises even more surprising. I use quotation marks around that word because sometimes I think they’re zonked, when really they’re quite — or at least mostly — alert. Other times they truly are camped out in Snoozeville. Either way, here are the six ways my cats surprise me when they’re “sleeping” or sleeping.

1. The swat

swat

This particular surprise makes me jump because it sometimes happens in the dark. I assume my cat is asleep on the arm of the sofa. Then, as I walk past the kitty, I get pounded with a swift paw swat to the arm or hip. I’m all, “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be sleeping!” That’s really funny because “cats” and “supposed to” are a laughable combo. Haha, go ahead and laugh; it’s okay.

2. The dream-twitches

dream

We’ve all seen the little kitty dream-twitches. Heck, sometimes I wake myself up completely twitching or jerking after dreaming of falling off a cliff or stepping backwards off something tall. I used to have a recurring dream that I stepped backwards off of high school baseball bleachers. You know, the metal kind? Except these had no back. Eek!

Occasionally one of my soundly sleeping cats begins twitching her whiskers or jerking her feet. These sudden movements never fail to initially alarm me, but then I lay a comforting hand on her belly and she settles down. I hope she doesn’t dream about stepping backwards off backless bleachers. That’s some scary stuff!

3. The snores

snore

My Cosmo snores. That’s right — when he’s deeply slumbering, this soft grunting comes from his leathery nose. There’s also sometimes a high-pitched whistle. When I unexpectedly hear these sounds, I stop what I’m doing and listen closer because, to be honest, they make me smile. Little snorter boy — I love that kid.

4. The slurp

slurp

This surprise sound is unique to my working situation, but you probably experience something similar. When I work from the sofa, Cosmo sometimes crashes behind my laptop so I can’t see him sleeping. I get used to the silence and continue working in peace. Then, out of the blue, I hear a “slurp, slurp, slurp.” Next, the back leg pops ups and I know exactly what he’s doing. It’s not sleeping.

5. The gas

fart

I haven’t experienced much in the way of audible cat “poots,” but I have been on the wrong end of silent-but-deadly feline gas attacks. I used to blame it on my human kids, but now they’re rarely home. Yeah, that stink is quite the unwelcome surprise.

6. The cute noises

cute

My favorite kind of sleepy surprise is the one that includes adorable kitty noises. The trills, the sighs, and the generally contented sounds give me all kinds of happy feels. Of course when I hear any of these sweet sounds, I must stop everything and immediately snag a kitty snuggle. For real — how can I be expected to carry on when I’ve just heard the cutest “mrrrrrrr” coming from my cat body? I can’t!

Does your “sleeping” cat surprise you? Tell us how in the comments!

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.