Cats believe they’re perfect specimens of loveliness and should have all their desires handed to them on a silver platter. The trouble is, many times it’s humans who must present this platter, and they’re not always willing to cater to every feline whim. Well, the kitties don’t like taking no for an answer, plus they have their own, um, interesting ideas for what they’d like for themselves. I get it, cats. I’m a big dreamer, too, and have more than a few vision boards to show it.
Worldly cats have spread tales of hens laying enchanted eggs that hatch into yellow fuzz-balls with beaks. They figure that if birds can create this kind of transformational magic, why can’t they? After all, they are omnipotent, and any humans who’s argue that point are out of their minds. So cats they park themselves on top of a variety of objects, hoping their cat logic and the appropriate amount of incubation will result in the metamorphosis of their dreams. Despite their greatest efforts, this hatching business has yet to happen. But they continue to try, crossing their paws, hoping for a payoff, and dreaming of the possibilities.
Here are six cats, the objects they are trying to hatch — and the things they hope to create.
When a television’s remote control is fully incubated, it will become an all-powerful feline command center. With just the push of a button, the cat can direct humans to do their bidding. The result will be free-flowing food, treats on demand, piles of catnip in every corner of the room, and warm laundry 24/7. Every channel would be a winner, and there would never be a lost signal.
Kitties assume they can multiply cat toys by nesting on top of them. Because cats’ patience wears thin, they’d probably attempt to hatch a multitude of toys, hoping the end result would be an even bigger pile of playthings. They’d probably continue doing that until infinity because cats are never truly satisfied.
After a dish towel’s normal incubation period, which many people know is exactly 53 minutes and 42 seconds, a cat expects to find a large basket of warm towels on which to lounge. Has this ever happened? Let’s just say that no cat has had the persistence to wait out the entire 53 minutes and 42 seconds. Cats get bored and move on … probably to a tub of cat toys, because they’ve heard that’s a sure thing.
Kitties believe their own feline essence can turn any patch of dirt into a lush pile of fresh catnip. They don’t need water, sunlight, or fertilizer — no way. They simply must curl up on top of the dirt and wait. They’re still waiting, but they don’t mind the additional nap time they reap as a result. Still waiting.
Any cat attempting to hatch one of the Harry Potter books is in it for one reason: The cat is convinced the book will transform into an invisibility cloak. If cats were to wish for any super power, it’d be invisibility … obviously. They’d don the cloak and counter-cruise all day long. And if the cloak didn’t happen, they’d at least hope for a quidditch broom to gnaw on for a while.
More money buys giant bags of treats, fancy cat trees, armies of catnip mice, and endless gravy. They don’t want to hear humans tell them they can’t have that $600 tower they saw online. They’ll simply sit on a stack of money until it morphs into the objects of their desires. Easy-peasy, right? Cats think so, anyway. It might not be a good idea to hire a cat as a financial adviser. Just sayin’.
What would your cat attempt to hatch? Tell us in the comments!
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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.