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5 Stars of the “Cat TV” Channel Imagined By My Cats

A villainous squirrel, a barfly sparrow, and a cheeky chipmunk inhabit their visual world.

Angie Bailey  |  Sep 28th 2015


I recently wrote about the shows my cats watch on “cat TV,” aka through the patio door. We have a couple of feeders and a little bird bath that sit in the corner of our deck. My kitties spend hours taking in all the action, drama, and comedy that play out during the daylight hours.

"This is the best episode yet."

“This is the best episode yet.”

The cats don’t even mind the reruns that invariably occur on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. Quality entertainment never gets old. There are even recurring characters who are definite audience favorites. They show up in nearly every episode, and are usually quite predictable. Here are five of the top characters my cats enjoy on their “cat TV” channel.

Bushy Slickerson

squirrel

This squirrely interloper takes over the scene when he commandeers the bath water and intimidates the winged ones who are trying to socialize over seed. No one likes to see Bushy enter the scene; however, he’s probably the cutest villain you might have ever seen. He swoops in and out, leaving the audience gasping and wanting more. He should be wearing a tiny villainous cape or something. OK, that would officially make him the cutest villain ever.

Bertha McBeakingham

sparrow

This gal is like the sad lady sitting at the end of the bar, spilling her woes to the barkeep. Perhaps her chicks have just left the nest or a larger bird has stolen the choice parts of her nest. Her troubled heart hangs heavy as she lowers her beak to the seed that will numb her sadness. There’s a little Bertha in all of us.

“Another pile of millet, bartender … and you better make it a double this time.”

Jealous Jay

blue jay

Jealous Jay is the king of envy, especially when it comes to the ladies. When he sees another bird getting it on with one of his exes, he goes absolutely bonkers and hops around the deck screaming at the top of his obnoxious blue jay lungs. And then he circles the couple and dive bombs them until they break up. The nerve!

Heaven help anyone dating Jealous Jay because he’s constantly on the lookout for evidence of cheating activity. He’s a real pain in the butt, and you’d think the females would learn to steer clear of his jealous antics, but no — his handsome looks and charisma are irresistible to all. He’s the bird the ladies love to hate and hate to love.

Chip-Chip

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Chip-Chip is the silly little girl who provides comic relief in-between the endless drama. She’s constantly in the background over-stuffing her cheeks with corn, chirping, flicking her tail at passersby, and doing flips off the feeder. The audience especially loves it when she races halfway across the deck, freezes for a few seconds, and then takes off in another direction. Comic genius! The cats can’t get enough!

The Stoner

concrete cat

The Stoner hangs out on the railing and zones out on the “show.” He never moves, says anything, or initiates interaction with the other characters; however, sometimes Jealous Jay drops a load of poo on his head, and Bushy uses him as a step stool to reach the hanging feeder. Oh, and Chip-Chip has been trying to ask him out for months, with absolutely no luck. Poor Chip-Chip!

Recently, the Stoner left the show for a whole day when a small child knocked him off his perch onto the grass below. The cats thought there might have been contract disputes, but he returned the following day. The audience heaved a collective sigh of relief.

What kinds of characters do your cats watch on their “cat TV” channel? Tell us about them in the comments!

Read more by Angie Bailey

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.