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5 Spa Treatments I Get From My Cats

If you can't afford regular spa treatments, don't worry -- kitty tongues give perfect exfoliation, and kneady massages are a cat's specialty.

Angie Bailey  |  Nov 16th 2015


Who doesn’t love a day at the spa? OK, I admit I’ve never spent an entire day at a spa, but I sure do love the idea of it. Spa-style pampering is the kind of  luxury I could get used to! I’ve enjoyed some ultra relaxing massages and the whole mani/pedi deal, but someday I’d like to wear that plush spa robe, drink champagne, and let someone scrub me with products that smell good enough to eat.

Until I get that full-on spa experience, I’ll have to luxuriate in my terrycloth robe, drink Trader Joe’s wine, grab some Target brand scrub … and call in the cats. That’s right, friends — I’m here to tell you that you’re currently living with fuzzy little spa specialists, and you only have to tip them with cat treats and chin scritches. Deal, right? I think so.

Without further ado, here are five ways cats are a full-service spa.

1. Acupressure

phoebe-accupressure

Magic paws!

Cats somehow know all our pressure points, and those tiny paws are highly skilled. Sometimes the acupressure treatments feel fabulous, like when they pinpoint a tight, sore muscle. Other times, they miss the mark, like when cats stand on our full bladders or walk across our tender “private parts.” Not so spa-like, kitty.

2. Heat wraps

warmers-phoebe-cosmo

The double-team heat wrap.

Heat wraps can be the perfect relief for sore body parts — plus, warmth is just plain relaxing. Kitties love their job as heat therapists. Sometimes one of my cats will position himself behind me as I’m sitting, becoming the ideal heated lumbar rest. Other times multiple cats will come together, providing lumps of warmth for multiple areas of my body. The good news is they don’t charge extra for the tag-team heat wraps. The bad news is we’re usually trapped under two or more cats, making bathroom visits next to impossible. That’s sometimes when the acupressure practitioner likes to pay a visit. Thanks!

3. Hair services

cosmo-brown-pillow

Your stylist tonight is Cosmo.

Some of us use expensive hair products and pay top dollar for fancy stylists. You don’t need to make a hair appointment with a cat. He’ll arrive on your pillow in the middle of the night and begin his specialized treatment, which includes lots of hair-licking, scalp-kneading, and general nuzzling. They spend hours training to be that good. Toss out your gel and mousse, people!

4. Massage

phoebe-heated-paws

The heated-paw massages are the best!

Ah, the massage! If I could, I’d hire a therapist to visit me once a day and treat me to a 90-minute massage. No, I don’t think it’d get old — are you kidding? Some spas even offer hot stone massages, which I’ve never experienced, but I’m sure are quite lovely. I still think I’d prefer the magic fingers, though.

We’ve all experienced “massages” from our cats as they settle in and knead on various parts of our bodies. It’s sweet, isn’t it? Purring usually accompanies the treatment, and that’s healing treatment all by itself! And cats don’t do any hot stone massages, but they do sometimes warm their paws at the heat register before beginning a session. I won’t lie — that’s nice.

5. Exfoliation

cosmo-exfolliate

Ready for his next client.

You don’t need imported mineral salts to enjoy this kind of skin treatment. The bristly cat tongue is the ideal exfoliation tool! Once a kitty gets going with a tongue-style exfoliation, he’s on a mission! Just the other day, my cat licked the same spot on my arm until it felt a little bit raw. People pay big money for that kind of thing!

What kind of “spa treatments” do your cats provide? Tell us about them in the comments!

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.