“This guy is an idiot,” my evil friend texted me, forwarding a picture from an online dating site. The poor fellow in question wore a shirt covered with cats and laser beams, and he held an enormous, bright blue cocktail. I didn’t respond. I totally got this guy.
Should you post photos of yourself drinking on dating sites? Nope. Should I discuss my love for cocktails online? Meh, probably not. But it’s true. I dig cocktails almost as much as I dig animals, and that’s saying something. Whether they’re enormous, blue drinks or little, precious drinks that bartenders weep while making — I like them all. Don’t even get me started on tiki bars. There are few things that make me as giddy as an outing whose premise is that I will be served a drink that is either umbrella’d or on fire.
Writing about cats for a living and not creating a feline-inspired drink collection seemed like a missed opportunity (after all, senior editor Keith Bowers invented a cocktail called Lil Bub’s Lil Glub), so I rounded up a group of my favorite bartenders in San Francisco and asked them each to create a signature cat-themed cocktail — nay, catktail. (Sorry.)
This one is from Sarah Wellman, formerly of Noir Lounge.
“In this variation of the classic White Lady cocktail, ingredients are modified to become more playful and rich — like their namesake feline,” the Turkish Angora, Wellman explains.
Pro Tip: “Spend way too long Googling, tracing off your phone, and cutting out the lemon garnish,” suggests Wellman. Think about how much more you’ll appreciate that drink once you’ve grown a long Gandalf beard in the process of making it.
This comes from Rob Easter, owner of Workhorse Rye.
“This cocktail resembles the Bengal cat in that it is sharp yet silky, and exotic. It’s a bit like a Dry Manhattan but with more length on the palate and a spectrum of radiant herbal aromas as it warms to room temperature,” says Easter.
Pro Tip: Lick the honey spoon. You want to.
This one is by Archie Mega of Brass Tacks.
Like the Russian Blue breed, this drink is tranquil, clean, and elegant — and it comes in a delicate, muted blue hue.
Pro Tip: Play with the amount of vodka and lemon. The flavors are all simple enough that a hair or two more of your favorite ingredient won’t overpower the drink. When you’ve come up with your perfect version announce, “Egg-cellennnt!” in your most offensive Russian accent.
This bad boy is called the Maine Coon because of its impressive size and silly nature. It’s created by yours truly, as I was once a bartender, many moons ago, at a few fine establishments that would probably prefer not to be mentioned in the same breath as the Maine Coon.
Pro Tip: Don’t make this “your drink.” Unlike the cocktail’s namesake, it is pretty depressing. Drink up, think of heartbreak, do not repeat.
This is another from Archie Mega of Brass Tacks.
This is inspired by the way I think of you, reader: Wearing a silk robe, sitting in an airy cabana, stroking some luxurious feline, and using words such as “thrice” and “ne’er” in everyday jargon. It’s incredibly cool, sweet, and smart.
Pro Tip: Toss on a silk robe, sit in a cabana, grab your luxurious feline, and repeat thrice a week.
Here’s that Turkish Angora again, just ’cause.
Read more by Laura Jaye Cramer
About the author: Laura Jaye Cramer is a freelance writer and ballet dancer based out of San Francisco. When she isn’t busy tending to her sweet little cat baby, she can be found drooling over artifacts in a museum, building a shrine to Dolly Parton, or eating a trough of guacamole. Stalk her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.