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5 Reasons My Cat Would Be a Terrible “Family Feud” Contestant

For every question, Cosmo's answer would be cat-related -- and get that big, red, buzzing "X."

Angie Bailey  |  Mar 24th 2015


I admit it: I get totally wrapped up in game shows, especially if I feel like I can play along. I have fond memories of sitting with my great grandmother in the mid-1970s, watching The Price is Right and Let’s Make a Deal. I remember wishing I were old enough to make a deal, and instead made a mental note to practice by carrying paperclips, a salt shaker, and a baby rattle in my little Pink Panther purse.

The game show Family Feud has been on the air for as long as I can remember. The original host was the post-Hogan’s Heroes and Match Game star Richard Dawson. He had the busiest lips I’d ever seen — if a host tried all that kissy-face business nowadays, he’s be a walking lawsuit.

Survey says — call your lawyer!

If you watch the show now, you’ll notice Steve Harvey’s lips mind their own business.

I'm on the left and secretly worrying if my sister or Grandpa would be crappy "Family Feud" contestants.

I’m on the left and secretly worrying if my sister or Grandpa would be crappy “Family Feud” contestants.

I admit this too: I’ve thought about which family members I’d choose for my Family Feud team — that is, if we ever had the opportunity to battle another family for big money. Sometimes it was hard because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings; however, some family members were just more worldly than others. These thoughts put a little stress on my eight-year-old mind. I really should have been playing with my Sunshine Family setup instead of worrying about Family Feud. And what if Richard Dawson kissed me? Ew!

Recently, I thought about which of my cats would be the better Family Feud contestant. Like if I brought my husband and two kids, who else would I bring? They’d all be terrible contestants, but I mostly enjoy thinking about Cosmo on our team. Here are my thoughts about Cosmo’s chances on Family Feud.

1. All his answers would be cat-related

codmo cat food

Survey says … NO! Photo by Pixabay

Cats are narcissists at heart, so their thoughts constantly revol
ve around what would benefit them the most. No matter the question, Cosmo would have some sort of cat-related answer, resulting in a giant buzzing X on the screen.

Host: “One hundred people surveyed, top 10 answers on the board — here’s the question: Name an instrument in a symphony orchestra.”

Cosmo: “Catnip cigar!”

BUZZZZZ!

2. He’d think he was going on Family Food

cosmo food

Cosmo: “I was misled.” Photo by Pixabay

Poor guy — he thought he’d finally get his chance to join the family at the dinner table. After learning that wasn’t the case, he’d feel embarrassed and angry, both horrible qualities if you’re looking to win a game show.

3. That attractive but terrifying red buzzer

cosmo explode

Cosmo: “But the buzzer was so red and shiny! Unfair!” Photo by Pixabay

He’d be enchanted by the bright red buzzer and immediately would want to touch it. However, as soon as he heard the ear-splitting buzz, his little head would explode. Then he’d hide in the green room and eat cold cuts.

4. He’d be distracted by the spotlights

spotlights

Colored lasers! Everywhere! Photo by Pixabay

Cats love lights and lasers, especially ones that move. Cosmo would never be able to concentrate on the questions because of the colorful spotlights. Instead of focusing on the timed “big money” round, he’d take off and try to catch the giant pink dot.

5. He’d be a sore loser

sore loser

Cosmo’s convinced the game is rigged. Photo by Pixabay

Cats like to win. They also have sensitive egos. Have you ever seen a cat try to jump for something and not quite make the mark? Embarrassment! If his team were to lose the game, he’d sulk for the rest of the day and probably blame everyone else. And then he’d console himself with cold cuts he’d swiped from the green room.

Would your cat be a good game show contestant? Tell your thoughts in the comments!

Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.