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10 Cheesy Pick-Up Lines From Smooth-Talking Cats

Cats are slick, charming characters who'd totally throw out pick-up lines like, "My love for you is like a hairball -- I can't hold it in." Ew.

 |  May 27th 2014  |   14 Contributions


Cats are slick creatures, total charmers. I know this because my three cats play me all the time, and I knowingly fall for them most of the time. Other times, I see right through their ploys.

"Well, helloooo." Photo: Brian Eager

If cats were to be mingling about in the singles scene, I imagine they'd be total smooth talkers, spouting the cheesiest pick up lines ever. Here are eight I think they'd use.

1. "Are we in the litter box? 'Cause I'm diggin' you."

Can't you just see some sleek tabby in a leisure suit and gold chains using this one? 

2. "My vet says I'm lacking in vitamin U."

Would you fall for this one? No, me neither. "I've had enough of U, thank you very much."

"Can I get your number?" Photo: .Martin.

3. "Let's make like fabric softener and snuggle."

Now, this one is clever. If I were a single feline lady, I might take the bait. If he were cute, that is ... and neutered.

4. "Are you a bag of treats? 'Cause I wanna sample you."

Oh, my -- this is quite forward. I think a kitty would have to be wearing catnip goggles to succumb to this line. 

"Girl, your bottom smells sweeter than a flower." Photo: Umberto Salvagnin

5. "I'm not high on nip, I'm just intoxicated with you."

This would surely be spoken by a ladies' man who gets around. He thinks he's slick but most of the females have seen him heavy petting in the bushes with the fast girls named Roxie and Misty. He thinks he's totally hot, but he's totally not.

6. "My love for you is like a hairball -- I can't hold it in."

To which she replies, "Gross. Go away."

"Look into my eyes." Photo: Jack Hargreaves

7. "Are you part beaver? Because daaaaam."

This could send mixed messages, don't you think? If I were on the other side of this pick up line, I might read into it and worry that perhaps my front teeth were too big or my tail was misshapen. Think twice before using interspecies pick-up lines.

8. "Can you take me to the vet, because you just took my breath away."

Sassy comebacks: "On your way to the vet, stop by the store and get yourself some crackers for all that cheese." Or, "While you're at the vet, you better get a prescription for Clavamox because I saw you in the bushes with Roxie." Burn.

"Wanna cuddle, sweetie?" Photo: fauxto_digit

9. "Do you live in a corn field? Because I'm stalking you."

What? That's just plain creepy. If some tom were to flirt with me using this line, I'd run to the nearest linen closet and nap on a stack of towels until he'd left the party. Just ew.

10. "You must have been sleeping in the sun, because you are HOT."

How about coming up with something original? I suspect most kitties would roll their eyes and walk away from this come on, and that'd be totally COLD. 

Would your cat use cheesy pickup lines? Give us some fun ones in the comments!

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About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (birthed right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food. 

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