Catster Holidays
Share this image

10 Bad Valentine’s Day Poems Written By Cats

Greeting cards that you buy in a store don't always tell it exactly like it is ... but cats do.

Angie Bailey  |  Feb 13th 2017


It’s nearly Feb. 14, and there’s certainly no shortage of cheesy Valentine’s Day cards lining the shelves at retail outlets. It’s sometimes difficult to say what we want to say to the one we love, so we rely on people sitting behind desks at Hallmark and American Greetings to do it for us. But really — would we actually say most of the things written inside those cards? I think not. Cats, though … cats say it like it is, and they wouldn’t need some corporate greeting card employee to pen it for them.

In the spirit of the cheesiest of the cheese, with a giant helping of feline logic, here are 10 Valentine’s poems cats would write to the humans in their lives.

Photo via Flickr

Roses are red, violets are blue;
Feed me right now, or I’ll puke in your shoe.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

+++

Your dress is black, my fur is white;
Now you’ll think of me while you’re out tonight.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

Photo via Flickr

My bowl is half-full, it’s nearly bone dry;
I’ll certainly perish; you want me to die.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

+++

I crouched in the box, and lowered my rump;
I left you a gift in the shape of a clump.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

Photo via Flickr

I love when you scratch me in just the right place;
Just don’t touch my belly; or I’ll back-kick face.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

+++

I love you for the cheese you dropped on the floor;
Drop more pieces, and I’ll love you some more.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

Photo via Flickr

I’m not kissing up, but you’re a nice guy;
Now bring me some catnip, I wish to get high.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

+++

Please know I love you, though soon you will learn;
I was real bored, so I dug up your fern.
(or maybe the dog did it)
Happy Valentine’s Day.

Photo via Flickr

Roses are red, boxes are fun;
Dibs on the Amazon box when you’re done.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

+++

You lap is cozy, and so is your bed;
I may have chewed through a whole loaf of bread.
Happy Valentine’s Day.

What kind of poetry would your cat write? Share a line or two in the comments!