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Not loving daddy....

This is a place to gain some understanding of cat behavior and to assist people in training their cats and dealing with common behavior problems, regardless of the method(s) used. Keep in mind that you may be receiving advice from other cat owners and lovers...not professionals. If you have a major problem, always seek the advice of a trainer or behaviorist!

  
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Esme

Troublemaker!
 
 
Purred: Wed Aug 11, '10 12:35pm PST 
Esme is a little over a year old. We've had her and her sister Alice, also a little over a year, since they were 6 months old. When we first went to the shelter to pick them up, the foster lady gave Esme to my husband and she fell asleep in his arms.

Ever since we got them home, Esme runs from her daddy and doesn't ever want to be held by him. She's completely in love with me, though. She'll purr at me and jump into my arms and lay on my feet when i'm sleeping, just as her sister, Alice does too.

Alice, on the other hand, loves my hubby and she acts with him as she does with me. Loves to be held, cuddly, sleeps with both of us, etc.

We can't figure out what Esme's issue is. She used to not want to be in the same room with daddy, and slowly she's been in the same room with him. Now she'll hang out on the opposite side of the couch. If I pick her up and he'll ask to hold her, i'll place her in his arms, she's there for like 3 minutes comfy and cozy then all of a sudden wants to get away.

We're not in any way forcing her to love him, but it's been over 6 months now, so we can't figure out why she still doesn't like him????? He always treats them both kindly and sweetly. He gives them treats and such, but she still is skittish with him.
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Bumpurr

RESPECT The- Star!
 
 
Purred: Wed Aug 11, '10 5:23pm PST 
I am wondering, if, since she came from a shelter, if its possible, she was mis-treated by a man, before her foster mommy, and you and your husband got her. thinking

Is it also possible, something has changed, with your husband, from when you picked her out, until she started to be afraid of her daddy. Change in cologne/aftershave/shaving cream/shampoo/laundry soap, does daddy smoke, maybe different smells on his clothes? Is it possible he may have accidently stepped on her?
Could he at one time, have raised his voice around her, upset about something, yelling at the TV watching a game? thinking

Is it at all possible, a male person, has been in your house, when "you" are not there, a friend of daddy's stop by, that may have yelled at her, or been too rough with her? thinking

Not saying its any of these, mol, but just some thoughts I had, something did happen, to upset her, its just going to take some detective work, to figure it out. The others might have even better thoughts/ideas.

Best of luck. big grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grinbig grin
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Esme

Troublemaker!
 
 
Purred: Mon Aug 16, '10 9:19pm PST 
She was born in the foster lady's house so I don't think she came into contact with any other men before us. shrug

Daddy doesn't smoke and has had the same shampoo laundry detergent and hair products as I do. As far as I know there hasn't been any other people in my house when i'm not here, except for my husband's work buddy and I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt the girls.

She doesn't get close enough to him to have him step on her.... confused
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Boris

I'm cute and I- know how to use- that :)
 
 
Purred: Tue Aug 17, '10 8:27am PST 
I wouldn't be too preoccupied if she can stay in the same room and doesn't constantly hide when he's around. It might just be a matter of preference, and her dad will have to work on small changes slowly. We have two cats, and they definitely have favorites when it comes to their humans.

Boris loves me greatly, and can't get enough to be near me. He never ran away from my husband, but he most certainly doesn't really deal with him the same way he does with me. Boris wants to sleep next to me, love on me, and be the center of my attention all the time. His "daddy" is welcome to pay attention to him, but when he has a choice of company, he will always pick mommy. This isn't to say they don't have their warm rituals. Boris loves to headbutt his dad, and goes up to him to greet him when he gets home. He's also likely to go complain to my husband if he feels that mom forgot to feed him on time. big laugh

Gracie is a lot better now at being warm and loving towards me, but for the first 6 months or so we had her, she wanted little to do with me. She was a total daddy's girl, to the point that she would cry when I held her, but melt in daddy's arms. Partly it was that "mom" was doing all the nasty medication stuff, whereas "dad" was the guy who played with her and fussed over her (Boris would get extremely jealous if I petted Gracie as a kitten, he'd growl at her! So that made it hard for me to give her a lot of undivided attention). Gracie didn't really start warming up to me until we spent three days together after her spay surgery. She wanted to be held and comforted, but dad wasn't around, whereas I had a long weekend off and could be with her 24/7. So we bonded a little then. Slowly and over time, I've been able to get closer to her, and now she sometimes seeks me out, which would have been unheard of one year ago (we've had her for 2 years)! She's still a little more bonded to my husband. Sometimes she'll cry for pets, and I'll go up to her to pet her (she likes to have people come to her, rather than take Boris' approach of "I'm going to get in your face so you know you must pet me" laugh out loud), and she'll sit there for a second and then hop off the surface she's on and go on with her crying. That's pretty much her way to say "No, I want daddy to pay attention to me right now, not you!". I used to take it personally, except that again, she does sweet things that are just for mom: she will sleep next to me if she knows that I'm not feeling well (but doesn't really do that to dad), and she lets me cradle her like a baby, whereas if my husband does it, she's expressed her displeasure at that.

I guess this is my long winded way to say that Esme might never treat the two of you the same way, but as long as she finds her own way to tell her dad she loves him (and it sounds like slowly but surely, she's getting there), then that's all that matters.
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Pookie

Psycho-kitty
 
 
Purred: Tue Aug 17, '10 10:07am PST 
I think it'll just take time and patience. I wouldn't force the issue, just let her go at her own pace. There are some tips here that might help: http://catbehaviorassociates.com/get-your-cat-to-stop-hating-your-sp ouse.html

I hope this helps!
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Snow

1150277
 
 
Purred: Wed Aug 18, '10 9:37pm PST 
Snow is the same way. She's afraid of new people and even though I've had her over a year she still wont let mt bf (who she's lived with since I got her) pick her up. But she wont let my parents touch her either when she goes over to visit my parents cat, Yoda. My bf doesn't hurt her or anything. But she was 3 months whhen I got her and she had a broken tail and she used to be terrified of my dad, so she may have had a bad experiance with men. My bf and dad try so hard to get her to like them too. shrug
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Sarge (In- Loving- Memory)

Hey you, pay- attention to me!
 
 
Purred: Thu Aug 19, '10 8:45pm PST 
Have Daddy start feeding her, giving her treats, and cleaning the litterbox. Once she starts seeing him as a care provider and food source she might warm up a bit more.
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Rocky Ann- Forever

Hello Kitty
 
 
Purred: Thu Aug 19, '10 9:08pm PST 
My husband picked our Angel Rocky Ann from a litter when she was so small as their mom had gotten killed. He brought her home to us. He loved her so much. She did not feel the same! She lived almost 19 years and never took to him. All other animals love him. He even use to do her morning feedings and she would hiss at him while waiting to get her food. We never could understand it except that she loved me so much and maybe didnt want to share me with anyone.

Luckily our new kitties Zack and Zoey love their Daddy! My husband is so happy about that.

Edited by author Thu Aug 19, '10 9:09pm PST

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Snow

1150277
 
 
Purred: Thu Aug 19, '10 10:20pm PST 
Snow's daddy does feed and tries to giver her treats. She looks at him like he's gonna kill her or something.
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Pookie

Psycho-kitty
 
 
Purred: Fri Aug 20, '10 9:46am PST 
This may sound strange, but maybe he should just give her some space? My logic being that cats tend to go to the people who "hate" cats and don't want anything to do with them, so maybe instead of trying to get close to her and make friends, he should "ignore" her and let her come to him in her own time (and it may be a LONG time). I know, it seems counter-intuitive, but it may be worth a try.

smilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmile
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