|Purred: Sat Dec 4, '10 1:31am PST |
|I adopted my baby girl Willow about 5 months ago. I live alone, and I would get lonely so I adopted her, I had no idea how perfect she would turn out to be. The first night I brought her home, she was so curious, she checked everything out until deciding that the panda pillow I slept on every night, was now hers, which I gave her. She slept beside me on that pillow every night, and I spent so much time with her and loving her. Everything she did was so cute and perfect. We had a small issue with her being lactose intolerant, and I was so worried that something would be wrong with her. She was fine, but I kept quite the close eye on her. I loved her with everything that I had, and when I had to leave her for class (which I only too two days a week), I felt awful but I couldn't wait to come back to her and watch movies or do homework, everything was better when I had my beautiful, furry baby to just make me so happy.
About a month ago, I remember it was Wednesday night, I was studying for a test. She was sleeping beside me for seven hours, which worried me but kittens sleep a lot. I noticed that she was breathing a little quickly as well, but everyone told me to wait a day and see how she was, plus I had class all day Thursday. Had I known then how things would turn out I NEVER would have left her that day. I came back, and loved her thursday night. Friday was my moms birthday, but we took her to the vet because she was still breathing fast and I was getting really worried. The vet told me it probably wasn't anything too serious, but after some tests referred us to a specialist facility, after a long night of testing and waiting and worrying, they informed me that my baby girl had rapidly progessing FIP, and there was nothing they could do but make her comfortable. I never even got to take her home again. They told us that she probably wouldn't survive the weekend if we tried to take her home, and they would have to do a painful, invasive spinal tap for us to so that, and I couldn't do that to her. I held and pet her for two straight hours on her panda pillow in a private room of the hospital, telling her how much I love her and how sorry I am, she would have turned seven months old the next day. But she started having more trouble breathing and I had to call in the doctors. We had to euthanize her,I didn't want her to feel any pain. She passed away in my arms, on the pillow she loved so much.
I was a complete mess for the first few days. I didn't leave my apartment or eat anything for quite awhile. I couldn't shut my bathroom door because I kept expecting her paws to come up from under it. She was only with me for four months, but it was just enough time for me to love her so much, and for her to be one of the best parts of my day, to come home and have her waiting for me. She really was completely perfect, and I regret so much that I left her that Thursday, and that it happened so very very quickly. But it's been a month and it still hurts so much. People have told me I should try to think about getting another cat, but I don't feel like I could have anyone as perfect as her, and I think I would resent them for not being her. I still sleep with her pillow every night, and I miss her so much. I have done a few different things like making scrapbooks from pictures of her, and it's helpful. I never regretted having her for a moment, she was truly an angel. It's just so unfair that she was taken from me so young and so abruptly. I would like to know y'alls input, and if anyone has any ideas of what I should do. I still cry every time I get a petco ad, because after her vet appointment I was going to get her one of those automatic water fountains because she always drank out of my water cups, so I would usually just give her her own... but I thought she would like one. I just can't get over that she was the best, purest soul I have ever known, but she was taken so very very young, and I had her such a very short time. She would have been seven months old the day after she passed, and I wanted to have her for another at least fifteen years, I wanted my future kids to know how amazing she was. I never thought for a second she would be taken from me before I got to have a first Christmas or birthday for her, and I was planning to bring down the giant cat castle that was at my mother's. I just hadn't been able to, I thought I would have more time, and now all of these thoughts just hurt. That I will never see her grow up or lay on her panda pillow again hurt so much. I'm sorry to go on for so long, I just really needed to say a lot of that, and I really would appreciate any responses.
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