|Purred: Mon Mar 9, '09 9:46pm PST |
I went through something very similar with Simon's illness... he would get a devastating diagnosis, then everyone would rally around him and he would get better, then get sick again... I felt guilty that I got everyone on catster so worried about him that I downplayed his downturns so no one would thing I was being overly dramatic. He outlived his prognosis by almost a year and outlasted many furriends that seemed healthier... and I was so conflicted. It is why I became less vocal over the course of his illness. I never wanted anyone to think I was either rubbing their nose in his well-being or looking for attention. But I was afraid that if I talked too much about his wellness, he would be jinxed and get worse... I couldn't win, so I was on catster less. Now that I can no longer speak for Simon, I long for those days where I could talk to my catster friends. I regret my withdrawal because without him, I feel like I have lost my support network since I can only speak for myself.
All I can say is, please Roxy, embrace his life. Rejoice in his health and reach out for support any and everytime you need it. Especially in OF, everyone will celebrate, cry and purr with you. When Simon died I feel like I shortchanged him... even his catster "best friend" barely seemed to notice, since he hadn't been as active. It broke my heart that I let it get to that point and there is nothing I can do to change the past. I still feel like in the one place that really seemed to see how amazing he really was sort of forgot about him towards the end, all because of my weird guilt.
Don't saddle yourself with that. The more you are in the community, the more they will be there when you need them most because they will feel invested in Patrick. I took that away from Simon's memory.
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