Cat jokes!

This is the place to let your fur down! This forum is for games, sharing fun stories, and just having a good time with your fellow Catsters!

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Athena (In- Memory)

Purrs and Love

Purred: Thu Feb 10, '11 7:01pm PST 
What is a Cat?
Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?
Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food being opened half a block away but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and loveable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
blue dog


Japanese Bobtail
Purred: Mon Feb 14, '11 1:48pm PST 
Why did the cat cross the road?

To get to the other side. Ahhahahahahhahahabig laugh Just had to do that.


The Goddess
Purred: Mon Feb 14, '11 11:43pm PST 
Most people have probably already seen this, but I got it in an email, and it seems rather appropriate:

A dog thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide
me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. They
must be Gods!"

A cat thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide
me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. I must
be a God!"

----------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------

*Entries in a Dog's Diary:*

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm -Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

*Entries in a Cat's Diary:*

Day 183 of my captivity ... My captors continued to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while
I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the
hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by winding around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to
make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my
powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use
it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. She speaks with
them regularly. I am certain she reports my every move. Due to her
current placement in the metal container, her safety is assured.

But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.


Japanese Bobtail
Purred: Tue Feb 15, '11 1:48pm PST 
Yep, Id say that was rather dumb who ever wrote it.


Such a house cat
Purred: Thu Feb 17, '11 9:14am PST 
Cat bathing as a martial art


The Purr Machine
Purred: Tue Jan 10, '12 7:45pm PST 
Here is a joke my younger told me about our first cat:

"Emily is good at math. Emily, what is zero plus zero? See, she said nothing!"

Emily was born the second week of March, so I liked to call her "queen of all catfish" because it meant she was a Pisces (fish).


Psycho kitty
Purred: Mon Jun 17, '13 9:21am PST 
My Harvey your a funny kitty!! I have NEVER heard any of those jokes in my life!! And hopefully I will see more, I laughed at every one!!! laugh out loudlaugh out loudlaugh out loudbig laugh Who needs Humans eh? I mean their not BAD but their not TOTALLY AMAZING! I mean my owner is pretty cool.....She feeds me enough she gives me the right treats at treat time, but hey, I said not bad....Keep that in mind BOL!!!

  (Page 2 of 2: Viewing entries 11 to 17)  
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