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Lost in grief and consumed with guilt...

Whether a cat dies, is lost or stolen, or must be placed in a new home, this is the place to gather together to give and receive love and support when you experience the loss of a beloved cat.

  
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Flo (D. 5- Aug 2014)

No words...
 
 
Purred: Thu Aug 14, '14 1:50am PST 
Thanks for all the nice comments on Flo. She was truly incredible. And thanks for the poem too... as with everything else lately it made me cry. My god... I've cried more the last 10 days than I have the last 25 years.

Again, I've gotten to be in my 40s never experiencing loss, so it's all a struggle to wrap my head around. How do you live with the big two?

- 1. Missing her. Not having it hit you like a ton of bricks everytime you realize you won't see her again... The permanence of death. Just when I think I have a grasp it shocks me all over again.

- 2. Guilt. In spite of what others say, I feel I had her "killed". I try to tell myself it was the right thing to do for her, but then I think of her being sick, and how the whole time she still wanted my attention, wanted to be near me. The honest truth is I can barely look myself in the mirror. Knowing that she trusted me our last day... she was getting treats and extra attention only to be shoved in a carrier against her will and taken away. Her eyes, seeing them as she was scared, looking betrayed... and then just staring blankly... lifeless. I'm having a really hard time with this one. If I find myself smiling at something during the day I'm overcome with guilt... almost like I'm afraid to be happy again. I just see those eyes and wonder if happiness is deserved. I realize Flo was a cat (and I'm not insane, honestly), she was just so human to me. So human I tend to but human emotions in her as I imagine what she must've been thinking as her last day came to an end. If only I could've explained to her what was going to happen if she couldn't get better. Or even asked her if she was ready... if it was "okay" to let her go. If she would've wanted this or if she would've wanted to stay. I know that's not possible, I get that, I'm just struggling so hard in wondering if this was the right choice.


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Aragorn (In- Memory)

One Cool Cat

moderator
 
 
Purred: Thu Aug 14, '14 11:12pm PST 
I sent you an invitation to one of the Catster support groups. The groups have links that you can go to that may help you through your grief.

Also there's a website: rainbowbridge.com where every Monday night, 9 p.m. eastern time, there is a live chat room candle-lighting ceremony.

~Purrcy ~- Meohmy

I AM- MARSHMELLOW CAT!
 
 
Purred: Tue Aug 19, '14 12:01am PST 
There are no words to make you feel better - only time will heal your heart and soul.
Sending you healing thoughts, love, and hopes that you feel better soon.
Huggs and Purrs.
Purrcy (now an ANGEL) and his Mumma
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Tigger

Knead softly &- carry a big purr
 
 
Purred: Tue Aug 19, '14 10:15am PST 
Athena that poem was lovely! I saw your post that first day, and I could not post a reply. I feel for you, I really do. And beleive me, as hard as it is to hurt so badly right now, the pain will slowly recede. I have felt guilt as you are feeling, and once I was able to really think about the quality of life my dog would have had if I did not release him, that is what helped. Imagining that pain, and that he could no longer stand up, and did not recognize us anymore -he stopped wagging his tail- those things made me realize I made the best choice. Does it still hurt? yes, but now I am able to think more fondly of the good fun times. One day, you will think less of the bad parts, and more of Flo's great life. There is no big solution, no timetable,no magic words to make it all go away - I surely wish there were. What there is though, people here that understand, that are here for support, to shed a tear with you. Those of us that have felt the loss, get it. Take it one day at a time. It sounds like you have some great friends that only want to help. The best thing is to let them in the ways you feel comfortable. One day, Flo may tap your shoulder & send you a cat that needs you. Only you & her will know the right time, if so. You gave her the ultimate gift of love - the release from pain. I recently saw a photo frame to honor a lost pet, and it says "Thanks for everything, I had a great time!" remember that is what Flo is thinking! We send you purrs & pawtaps to help heal your heart.hug hughughug The kitty quartet
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Orange Ruffy

The Baboo Kitty- has Spoken!
 
 
Purred: Sun Oct 12, '14 11:12am PST 
Dear Flo's daddy,

I would like to take the time to reply to you personally, and hope you are still around to read this-as I know it's been difficult for many to get onto Catster.

Ruffy's mom here,

Your post hurt my heart. Firstly, it sounds like you really went through a great deal. Please know you did all you could for your beloved Flo. Sometimes, things happen that even very good vets have a time figuring out.

Two, please understand that what you have gone through is very traumatic and sad. Flo was a young cat, who might have had things going on for awhile you weren't aware of. She might have had this going on when it wasn't evident, and you didn't see it becuase cats are so good at hiding things.

That said, losing a cat, being with them during euthanasia is life changing. I'd like to share something with you.

Last week, we had to do this for our beloved Ruffy. To tell you that Ruffy was old, very old doesn't matter. Ruffy was my husband's cat. He was, and remains a larger than life part of mine.

I wasn't afraid, I was incredibly sad. I still am.

But Ruffy had been very very ill for 3 weeks, deteriorating little by little. Age and an unknown illness crept up, taking more and more from him.

The night we went to the vet, I asked if there was another miracle he could pull off. He told me, sadly, that he had tried everyhting. I got the diagnosis of full blown feline aids combined with advanced old age.

We spent some time together, and our wonderful vet waited for my hsuband to get off work and come to us. In the meanwhile, Ruffy and I spent time together in a nice warm room, he on a comfortable blanket under a heat lamp, and me holding him.

When he went, I had been afraid of how I'd feel, but I was ok. I could, it may sound strange to you-I felt Ruffy 'whoosh' up and out and I felt a part of me sad, and another of intense joy because Ruffy had left behind a body he couldn't use-but he was still Ruffy-and very much himself and alive-just not in the beloved form we had come to know.

Its so sad to lose someone we love so, and it's harder when we have to be the ones to assist them to leave. But it's the most unselfish thing we can do, and love that begins with that knowing and trust is always laced with the 'what ifs'.

I will tell you something-everything you did, you did with love. You were with your girl for her whole life, and that in itself is wonderful and a blessing.

A few months ago, we lost a beloved foster kitten-and I felt terrible grief and anguish. What if I had seen it sooner, what if I had spent more money trying to save her, well, when I took in my next litter of kittens, I was terrified.

But knock wood, they are ok. And my Bethany is...yes...too. I don't kwnow why she was here for such a short time, but maybe, it was for us to learn that love dances on in another form.

Some gentle advice-don't keep it in. Cry, rage, and let it out-we who love those fey, gentle souls experience truly the divine-and touch perhaps all that is sacred with the purrs left in our hearts.

Please feel free to contact me if you'd like to talk more, and know that though Catster is still a bit out of sorts, we are all here for you.

love and light,
Ruffy's mom,
Deb
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Zack Beloved- Angel- (1995-2009)

True Blue to My- Girl Kiwi
 
 
Purred: Sat Oct 18, '14 5:46pm PST 
I just wanted to add a few things.
First, you have come to the exact right place you need to be to heal. My family has been here since Catster's beginning and it changed my life, and it will probably do the same for you also. Not everyone who owns a cat, even one that they may have had for a decade, will experience the depth of emotional connection that you and Flo had. "Regular" friends and family members just don't get it. I don't know how anyone knows when it is time to consider choosing another cat...but your heart knows. Listen to it, and do not let anyone rush you through your grief, but also know that one day it will melt away and be replaced by only the best of memories. You will smile again when you look at her pictures. I am glad you joined our cat community. We welcome you with open arms.
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