GO!

Squeakers crossed the Rainbow Bridge last night.

Whether a cat dies, is lost or stolen, or must be placed in a new home, this is the place to gather together to give and receive love and support when you experience the loss of a beloved cat.

  
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Squeakers- *8/1994 - 7/5/2011*

*Forever Loved- and Sorely- Missed*
 
 
Purred: Wed Jul 6, '11 12:29pm PST 
I'm so overcome with sadness and emptiness that I can barely type right now.

I've had Squeakers since I was in the 5th grade (I'm 27 years old now) and I had to have him humanely put to sleep last night. My baby boy who has been with me through so much is gone forever. I can't deal with it right now. I miss him so much and my heart is aching just thinking about him and wondering if I really did the right thing.

Squeakers has had his fair share of close calls in his 16 years (would have been 17 next month.) He's escaped and disappeared for over a week, had emergency surgery for crystals in his urethra and numerous severe upper respiritory infections where he would stop eating and needed IV fluids. He always sprang back and was a happy-go-lucky care free kitty.

Over the years though, he's become very thin and frail looking, and developed arthritis in his front legs and tailbone. Nothing dire, but he was definitely starting to show signs of his age. A few weeks ago he started acting strangely and was hiding in my closet and wouldnt eat and was sitting in an odd position. It also looked like he was having trouble urinating and he was clearly in pain. This looked like another "crystals" situation so I brought him to the vet right away. After xrays and bloodwork, the vet told me he was fine. He had a bit of a heart murmur but nothing life-threatening and all of his organs and vitals seemed great. She said he seemed very spry for a cat his age. I felt great and relieved and expected to have Squeakers around for at least another few years.

Last night I came home from vacation and my mother told me Squeakers hadnt been looking good for the last 2 days. I went to look for him and I found him right away in a spot he'd never been before. When he heard me he turned his head towards me and meowed a very sad/desperate meow. I swear it felt like he was saying "help me" He was so thin that he looked emaciated and his jaw was swollen and it looked like he had dried blood on his mouth His eyes had discharge and he was too weak to even stand up. I wrapped him in a blanket and rushed him to the emergency vet. He had a bad infection in his mouth and possibly elsewhere. also only 5 lbs (he lost 2 lbs in a few weeks) He was I have to be honest I dont know exactly what was wrong. Possibly a severe abcessed tooth that spread? But he was so far gone. So weak, so frail, so uncomofrtable. I didn't want to put him through any tests, and certainly no surgeries. I looked into his eyes for a while and it felt like it was time. I thought I was going to lose him a few weeks ago, but last night it was clear to me. It would have been thousands of dollars for tests and treatments to see if anything could have even been done for him at that point, but I couldnt stand a second more of his suffering. They suggessted humane euthanasia at that point and I accepted. From the moment I found him in the closet, until the moment I fell asleep hours later, I was sobbing, and I'm sobbing now as I type this. I couldnt even remotely compose myself in the emergency vet, I all but crumbled into a ball when I said "Yes I'll put him down" But I never let him go. I held him on the way to the vet and in the room when he took his last breath. I was with him and he stayed in my arms the whole time without a fight.

I hope he knows how much I loved him. The guilt i feel over not knowing if he could have been helped this time is unbareable. I feel like I gave up on him and like I failed him. I just keep thinking, what if IV fluids could have perked him back up? What if he just needed antibiotics to treat the infection and he would have made a full recovery? I didnt want him to suffer and I *felt* it was his time but I still feel like I failed him. I love him so much and miss him terribly I just want to see him and hold him again. I can't imagine he won't be a part of my life anymore My Squeakers is gone and I don't know how to find solace in anything about this situation except for the fact that I was there with him the whole time, talking to him and stroking his head and kissing him and telling him how much I love him. I feel now like I could have done more and I gave up too fast.

I'm so sorry this was so long but I just need some support right now because I just feel so empty and depleted and miserable. The tears continue to stream down my face because I can't grasp what just happened. I miss him horribly and I pray he went peacefully and was comoforted knowing that I was with him and that I didn't want to leave him or lose him ever frown
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Natalie the- Natcat,- Forever

Show some- respect,- youngster!
 
 
Purred: Wed Jul 6, '11 1:15pm PST 
Oh my poor dear,
There are no words that can comfort you enough. I believe, when you share a soul bond with an Elderwise kitty, your soul and theirs are joined. And with that joining comes the immense joy of knowing a Guardian who will love you and guide you, and the sadness when the housing of their body for this lifetime is no longer working.

You will always second guess if you did the right thing...but I will say this: you did. You sensed. You Knew.

Squeakers was so much a part of your life for so long. You were his Person, and that counts for so much.

You made the hardest decision any person is called upon to make.

You made it with love.

His soul flies free, my dear. He isn't hurting or old now. He just Is.
You'll meet again, you will. You did all you could, my dear and everything that could have been done was done, and with much love.

Purrs to you,
The Elderwise
Natalie the Natcat
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Patch

Patch - wallpaper- stripper
 
 
Purred: Wed Jul 6, '11 1:28pm PST 
I agree with Nat, you did the right thing, he knew it was his 'time' for the bridge. I would not like to think any of my cats suffered unnesesarily, you have't let him suffer either. Bless your heart, he knows you helped him to the bridge, take solace from it and remember he loves you as much as you loved him,little angellittle angel
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Sky

Little Prissy- Timid Booty Girl

moderator
 
 
Purred: Wed Jul 6, '11 5:17pm PST 
We are so sorry for your loss. Our little ones tell us when it is time.

I know you will miss your baby but you will see him again and rejoice - purring for your mom.

xoxoxoo

Jackson - 9/2007-5/201- 1

Missed so much
 
 
Purred: Wed Jul 6, '11 6:17pm PST 
I am so very sorry. I wish there was a magical word or phrase that would take away your pain. I, too, was filled with immense quilt after I made the decision to have Jackson euthanized. Even after the vet told me he had done all he could and Jackson wasn’t responding to any treatment, I still felt I didn’t do enough for him, gave up too soon on him.

Oh, sweetie, my heart aches for you. All I can say is in time, you will know in your heart of hearts you did what was best for Squeakers, the decision you made was out of love for him, and you will be at peace with yourself.

The love you shared with him lives on. He will always be with you and watching over you. I believe with all my heart we will, one day, be united again with those that we have loved and that have loved us. In the meantime, Squeakers is in good care with all the Rainbow Bridge Kitties and we are here to support you in any way we can.

I received a card from a friend after Jackson died, and while it might be a little corny, the card read:

“If Love could have saved you, you would have lived forever”

For some reason, this helped me feel better about the decision I made for Jackson, I hope it helps you too. Please come here and talk if you need to, many of us here have suffered the loss of a furbaby, understand what you are going through, and are here to help you through this most difficult time.
hug
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Alex (sweet- angel girl)

Angel on a- mission!
 
 
Purred: Wed Jul 6, '11 6:17pm PST 
Sweetheart, take it from all of us, when it gets to the point that they are hiding, not eating, meowing that pitiful "help me" meow, it's time. That meow was him probably saying that very thing to you. What you did for him was put aside your own hurt and very painful emotions to do what was right for him. To save him from any more pain, misery and like you said; all those tests, for what. To extend his life maybe a few days? No, you did a wonderful thing for him. The greatest gift we can give our little furry ones is knowing when it's time to let them go and let them go to the bridge in peace and with dignity. You were and are a TERRIFIC mom! Please don't forget that and don't blame yourself and put all this guilt on yourself. It was his time and death would have come for him either way. This way, you got to say goodbye and he got to go to heaven while in your arms. hug
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Alice Giroir- - ILM

Say it- Loud.....I\\\'m- Orange and- I\\\'m
 
 
Purred: Thu Jul 7, '11 7:22am PST 
We agree with what other CATSTERS have said. Squeakers had a long and wonderful life with you, and sadly it had to come to an end. We have all had this heartache to deal with, and understand your grief and sense of loss. Cry - it will help you, and know other CATSTERS here are thinking about you. Post again or paw mail me if you want to.

We send you hugs, soft paw pats and whisker kisses

The New Orleans Kitties
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Squeakers- *8/1994 - 7/5/2011*

*Forever Loved- and Sorely- Missed*
 
 
Purred: Thu Jul 7, '11 8:54am PST 
Fellow CATSTERS, thank you all so very much for all of your replies and words of reasurrance and sympathy. You have no idea how much I need to hear that because I'm still struggling with my choice. I can't go back and undo it, but even if I had the chance too, I don't know that I would have. I have felt for some time now that his time to cross the brige would probably be approaching sooner rather than later, but it still came as a surprise to me and I still wasn't ready to let him go (I guess you never are, even if they live to be 25)

I've experienced pet loss too many times over the past few years (Papa passed away in 2005, Eloise disappeared in 2009 and my bunny Reese passed away last April) and it completely rips my heart apart every time it happens. I have a special relationship with each and every one of my pets, and if one of them is sick or suffering, I hurt right along with them.

Squeakers has been with me through almost every major life event I've encountered so far. He was also the very first kitten I'd ever raised. He was the pet I'd owned/known the longest too. I got him from a family friend in October 1994 (he was rescued from the Station Island sanitation department garage..his nickname as a kitten was "the dump cat"), just a few months after my dad died and only weeks after my cat died. A couple of months after I got him, my other cat died too so for a long time, it was just me and Squeakers. I was an only child and experiencing such major losses in such a short time period was a devastating blow to me and was a very lonely and isolating time. Squeakers was always by my side though and provided so much comfort and companionship and happiness to me. He would climb onto my Barbie house while I was in the middle of playing and would gnaw on my Barbies hair and drag the doll around like it was his prey. He used to love when I pushed him around in my doll stroller or carried him in my doll bassinet (that always stuck with him because even after nearly 17 years, he'd climb into a box or laundry basket and would let me carry him all around the house..He'd purr and roll around and looked annoyed when I'd finally put him down) He would make me laugh when he's sit for hours on top of my Little Mermaid fish tank staring at my goldfish trying to figure out ways to catch him. He'd sit on the table with me before I went to school and would wait for me to finish my cereal so he could drink the remaining milk from my bowl. I've taken him on trips to Florida, South Carolina and my family's country house in Pennsylvania. He loved to travel and to sit out for hours in the sun on the screened in porch looking into the forest (or the palm trees when we were in Florida) I lovingly called him my little girly man because he used to watch me put my makeup on and would wait for when I'd finally swipe my blush brush on his "cheek bones" He could sit there for a half hour letting me do that. He also used to lay with his front paws outstretched underneath the radiators which would make me laugh because it looked like he was drying his nails at the salon.

There's about a thousand other quirks which made him so unique and special to me, but the bottom line is he was my family and he was there for me during some rough times, and I saw him through his own rough times and it means a lot to me that I was able to be there with him up until the very end. My heart breaks knowing I can't call out to him in one of his many ridiculous/silly nick names and see his skinny self appear before me. I did my best for him throughout his life and I hope the final decision I made in the end, was right for him.

Thanks again for all of your kind words. I will continue to read and reread them and hopefully it will start to sink in more that it was the right thing to do and I can start releasing some of the guilt I feel

hug
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Boxie Brown- Forever

Boxie B.- with a- goatee!!
 
 
Purred: Thu Jul 7, '11 4:49pm PST 
Squeakers knows you loved him with all of your heart and made the right decision by him. The pain seems unbearable now and the only thing that will make it better is time. I lost Boxie 10 weeks ago and have lost two before him. I have had to make the decision twice that never gets easier to make and one of my kitties passed away instantly before my eyes. It is never easy to say goodbye to our best friends. Know that this is a community full of people who have made this decision and know that you did the right thing by your life-long friend.
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Natasha

Princess Forever
 
 
Purred: Fri Jul 8, '11 4:55am PST 
It is always difficult to say good-bye but if you think that you will meet again....perhaps not. My first dog, Laddie, was my first heart break. He and I grew up together. At thirteen, my parents took the decision away from me and gave him his wings when I was at school. I didn't forgive them but now, I do.....Ben was my cat who I gave him his wings. His poor body was ready and he just looked at me. Lke you, I held him until he was free.....Squeakers is now watching you and he would not want to be sad as he gave you happiness. Take that happiness and spread it when you are ready with another......Imagine how life would have been if you didn't meet or have those times together....You were lucky to have so much time and experiences....Grieving is fine but go on and know things will get better....I now have two wonderful cats, even poor Alex who is getting over a flea problem. They can't replace either my Laddie or Ben but they have given me other things along with love......Take care......Sharon owned by Natasha and Alex....
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