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Adopted kitty hates my kids

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Bella

Sweet as Sugar
 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '12 1:00pm PST 
I had this whole page written up about my story and hit send and because I hadn't picked an author, it deleted everything. short version now:

i adopted a 3 year old cat, he dislikes my kids, is there a way to get him used to them, or should i return him to shelter so he can find a home without children so that he won't hide all day long and come out at night? he is a sponsored kitty, so he will find a home most likely.

he does the MRRROOOWWWW GET AWAY FROM ME thing, and runs and hides even when i bring him out to meet the older kids quietly.

I adore him, but it seems selfish for me to keep him so that i can pet him from 9-10 at night.. frown

I either need to work really hard at getting him used to being out with us, or take him back so that he can live in a quieter environment.

I'd love to foster but it's not an option for me. I live far from the shelter, and cannot do the back and forth for adoption events etc.

what should I do? I haven't taken him to the vet or registered the microchip either, simply because I don't know if he's staying.

thanks,
amy
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Emily

Don't pet, play!
 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '12 4:02pm PST 
My short answer would be...If the kids have had proper coaching on how to interact with cats and are acting in a cat friendly way then, after a reasonable amount of time, I would assume that the cat had some negative experience with kids and may never enjoy them. BUT, if the kids simply need coaching on how to interact with cats then I'd start there.

We had 5 and 7 year old sons when we adopted Emily here. Emily is a former feral kitten who was very shy and hid for two days when we brought her home. The number one rule everyone followed was "Let the cat come to you." We never tried to coax her out of her hiding spot or force her to interact. The kids know to extend their hand and see if she is interested before petting her, etc... She has blossomed in a major way at our house and loves my sons because they had the patience to let her and to not pursue her. It helps that they play wand toy games with her and our other two cats every morning too. Oh, and having the kids serve the cat their meals can create positive associations.

I'm sure others will have some words of wisdom for you. Good luck with the decision.

Edited by author Mon Apr 2, '12 4:03pm PST

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Orange Ruffy

The Baboo Kitty- has Spoken!
 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '12 5:25pm PST 
We don't have little children here, at least not our own. But we have a grand daughter who was a wild 2 year old when she visited. And my friends 6 year old boy was here not so long ago. All my cats were wonderful with him, including my 'formerlly feral' ones.

When we first got Smokieboo, he had been neglected and abused, and we believe, sadly, by a child. Yet, a year and some months later, we have a wonderful, regal and gentle cat who greets our visitors with soft purrs and eye contact to be petted. He was very good with our grand, too...so much so it bought me to tears. Cats, when they know they are loved, and safe, are amazing at forgiving and adjusting.

I think you need to take a deep breath and give it time. Let the cat come to you' is a good rule of thumb. I also believe in letting the cat learn about the children in a quiet, unthreatening way. Children often make lots of noise-they get excited and want to bring the cat out to 'play' with, and socialize with. For a cat who's had a radical change, this might be scaring him.

Let your children know that your new cat is scared and will take some time to get to know them. Talk with them about how he can be their friend and how they can learn to speak cat. Holding out their fingers to him, letting him sniff, and giving him tiem to get to know their smells is very important.

I don't know how long you've had him...
all things take time....

and if you do return him to the shelter, would he be in danger of being put down?

that I couldn't live with.

We wish you easier times...

Ruffy and family
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Bella

Sweet as Sugar
 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '12 8:08pm PST 
about him being put down- it's possible, because it's not a no-kill shelter, but unlikely because he is a sponsored kitty.

Okay, I did mistakenly bring him out of his hiding spot, so I guess I'll just let him hide all day. I'm nervous to do that, thinking that he might just become like our late cat, who just hid all the time. She was 5 years when I was pregnant with my first daughter. 11 years later, she was a hider, even though she was here before all 6 of the kids. And my children are not allowed to be rough w/ the cats. I also suspect he's the one that's pooping in my daughters room downstairs because he's too scared to come out. she doesn't want a litter box in her room, she says she'd rather he go to a shelter. Of course ultimately the decision is left to my husband and I, but her opinion does count. We don't need a resented kitty either. Poor Salem- I'm just so torn.

I was reading this magazine that came with his papers etc when I adopted him and it says that it could take 2-3 months for your adopted pet to really come around and be a regular part of the family. I'll give it at least that long. I never know- he might turn out to be the best cat I've ever had. Won't know until then.

now if I can just get a pic of the silly guy.
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BooBoo Kitty- Angel DG #28

living the good- life
 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '12 10:52pm PST 
oooh I sure hope it works out for you sorry we do know what to say but, I do know with time most all kitties do come to trust and love the humans they live with. My Boo girl was labeled feral when we got her but she came to live with us and after a few weeks so was soooo sweet and loving and she even learn to trust vistors and let them pet her too.
Good luck I don't think the kitty hates your kids but probably has already had a bad experience with some other kids.
best of luck
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George,- Mary & Willy- Darcy

In Residence at- Pemberly
 
 
Purred: Tue Apr 3, '12 7:36am PST 
I agree with the other posters, give the cat time. Do you have any history on the cat....was he ever in a home with children? Was there abuse or rough treatment? And remember, he is in a new place, new sounds, new smells, he needs time.

And as for your daughter who does not want a litterbox in her room, and said she would rather the cat go back to the shelter. First, tell her to keep the door to her room CLOSED. Second, if she dislikes the litterbox, Red Flag to me....Does She Dislike The Cat???? Just thinking out loud.....animals sense when people do not like them.

My two sisters and I ALWAYS had pets, dogs, cats, birds, fish. Both of our parents were raised on farms and were animal lovers. We were taught at a young age to be gentle with animals.

Good luck, keep us posted and be patient.
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Smokie Boo- Dreamboat- #104b

Rescued cats- like me are the- best!
 
 
Purred: Tue Apr 3, '12 7:45am PST 
We have a litter box in our bedroom, in the living room, in the bathroom and in the hall.
this is what I would do:

1) I would put Salem in a room with his litterbox. It should be the quietest room in the house, and preferrably one where he can use the box in peace.

2) I would put up a feliway diffuser, it has a calming effect on cats.

3) Salem needs quiet voices, lots of gentle slow movements to let him get to know the other people in the home.

Please let your daughter know that Salem is a living, breathing and feeling creature. How would she feel if you picked her up and just dropped her off somewhere to find a new home? I don't know how old she is, and I don't mean to sound cruel, but it sounds like you love cats, and it's sad that your daughter thinks that Salem should go back to a shelter rather than have a litter box in her room!

On that note, I wouldn't put it there, anyway, becuase it probably isn't a place that he would be comfortable.

If you do decide you are going to rehome him, please approach rescues that will not allow him to be put down. He deserves so much better.

I know you'll give it time, and remember, all good things with time. Smokieboo was a hissing, fearful abused cat when we first got him...with time and love, he's our Ambassador, who greets people and sits on the arm of their chairs and allowed our friends 6 year old son to spend time playing with him.
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Salem

pet me? I'll- think about it.
 
 
Purred: Thu Apr 5, '12 9:52pm PST 
Hi- I'm the OP, posting as Salem. I have officially added him to Catster, and he will be a member of our family now smile I agreed to adopt him and when I did that I agreed to take care of him, and so I will. He really is quite awesome and every time I start to think about taking him to the shelter, I decide not to.

I'd say the quietest room in the house is the one he's hiding in- the laundry room. you know- I never go in there. big laugh There is a litter box in there, and I fill the sink with water and plug it so the cats can drink..

He's MY CAT darnit, and he's not dangerous, so he can live here, even if that means he wants to hide. He can be our nighttime kitty. I'm okay with that. way to go

I'm taking him to the vet tomorrow. He has blood in his stool. I'm praying it's nothing serious.

I like the idea of the diffuser- I'd seen them at walmart and wondered if it was just a bunch of balogna! I'll check that out!
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Salem

pet me? I'll- think about it.
 
 
Purred: Thu Apr 5, '12 9:54pm PST 
oh also- about my daughter- shes 10 and has a soft heart, she was probably just speaking without thinking. I'll explain more to her if it comes to that. we have 3 boxes as of now.

his history seems to be that hes' been in as helter since he was 7 weeks old frown poor guy..


MY KITTY.
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