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Jealousy

This is a place to gain some understanding of cat behavior and to assist people in training their cats and dealing with common behavior problems, regardless of the method(s) used. Keep in mind that you may be receiving advice from other cat owners and lovers...not professionals. If you have a major problem, always seek the advice of a trainer or behaviorist!

  
Greta (now- in kitty- heaven)

I am the QUEEN- OF THE HOUSE!
 
 
Purred: Thu Mar 13, '08 11:51pm PST 
Hi everyone,

Mama needs some info about some of my behavior. Y'see she thinks I am a jealous kitty....I don't like it when mama pets or loves on anything or any ofur kitties, real or not. My brofur Buster lived with us for 8 years (we were littermates and arrived at the same time) and I was always jealous of any attention he got...I'd hiss at him when he walked by me, swat paw at him, try to bite him (never drew any blood) and eventually he'd try to defend himself by biting me on the neck or rump, and I'd let out the loudest bloodcurdling screams you ever heard.

Well, now Buster has gone to kitty heaven and I have mama all to myself, and my jealousy may have increased. If mama's loving on something like a stuffed animal, I get insanely jealous. First I dejectedly walk away, then I go sulk, all which mama ignores. Then when that doesn't work I resort to hissing and growling at mama, swiping a paw at her and trying to scratch her, and hiding for hours. If none of that works I refuse to play with her, let her touch me, etc.

Additionally, when mama and me go to visit my gamma (mama's mama) for vacations and such, I don't like it when mama pets gamma's kitties either. I have tried to hurt gamma's kitties sometimes if they come too close to me...I chased one of them and attacked her by biting her rump....the ofurs, when I saw them coming near my mama, I just hissed and growled and hissed some more, then began letting out my bloodcurdling screams again. Mama does separate me from them for the first few days I'm there, but I still harass gamma's kitties if they come near me. The way I see it, I'm just telling them to leave me alone.

I NEVER do anything like peeing or pooping on the floor but my behavior seems kinda bad to mama.

What do you think? Am I too jealous?

Edited by author Thu Mar 13, '08 11:56pm PST

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Lucius Cornelius

I'm a survivor
 
 
Purred: Fri Mar 14, '08 3:19am PST 
Some kitties are just have the personality of being "only cats". It seems like your kitty may be one of those. I would think twice about ever bringing a "friend" home for your kitty.

Definitely give the kitty lots of lovin, your baby may be possessive of you and cats can smell other animals on your hands or clothes if you've held any recently.
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Greta (now- in kitty- heaven)

I am the QUEEN- OF THE HOUSE!
 
 
Purred: Fri Mar 14, '08 3:55am PST 
Greta's mama here....unfortunately I've had to do just that. It breaks my heart because I'd been planning on adopting a special needs cat....so I tried an "experiment" beforehand by pretending to love on a stuffed animal kitty, calling it by a particular name, saying I love you to it, etc. .....and Greta became EXTREMELY jealous. Fortunately I hadn't made any commitments, but it was still very sad for me.

I understand she doesn't want me petting or holding other kitties, but at times the need to give her attention & affection spills over into other activities....for instance I can't always watch TV (and I only watch about 1 hour or less per day, except for a baseball game here & there....I'm not big on today's TV shows) and she'll come crying for me to play with her when I tell her I'm watching TV. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

I just have to wonder if Greta's extreme jealousy is overly excessive, and if so, what can I do about it.

Edited by author Fri Mar 14, '08 3:56am PST

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Lucius Cornelius

I'm a survivor
 
 
Purred: Fri Mar 14, '08 10:54am PST 
I'm sorry I don't have any advice. I have no recent experience with a jealous cat. The last time I had an "only child" cat was when I was much younger and she HATED the new kitten for months.

She finally became friends when the kitten became about 6 months old, but until then, we had to keep them separate at night.

All of my recent kitties have not known a time when they were "only children", so it is much easier when I have had to introduce a new family member.

I hope other catsters can give you some advice.
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Margaux- Hemingway

It's all about- me, and always- was!
 
 
Purred: Fri Mar 14, '08 12:54pm PST 
I would say, start using the kitten trick of doing something the cat views as negative when her behavior becomes so bad. Some people use water squirter, some use a can with a few coins in it to make a "scary" noise, and I have used cotton balls soaked in rubbing alcohol (just on the floor near them because they hate the smell) to discourage ugly kitty behavior.

And she is being ugly! Hissing, growling, and swatting at YOU need to be eliminated. I don't think you could successfully introduce another cat, which might or might not stand up for itself; however, it's important that she does not define YOUR behavior or give YOU boundaries when it comes to the t.v. or your household routine. Figure out whether a certain sound, feeling, or smell makes her stop what she's doing and walk away. If that does not work, then put her in a bathroom or other small area for a five-minute "time out." She will probably get worse temporarily if you start applying a consequence to her bossiness, but it WILL go away if you are diligently intolerant of her bad behaviors.

GOOD LUCK! It's nice to be so loved by an animal, but it sounds like you need to be more firm with her. I would also say just keep her by herself when you visit your mother. It would ultimately be less stressful to her and them if she just has dominion over her own space, however small, while you are there. Otherwise, she will continue to take over the house and displace the resident cats.
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Greta (now- in kitty- heaven)

I am the QUEEN- OF THE HOUSE!
 
 
Purred: Fri Mar 14, '08 7:01pm PST 
Greta's mama here again....I appreciate everyone's advice! I let Greta know in no uncertain terms when I'm on the puter, watching TV, etc. that this is MY time for ME....and that I'll spend time with her afterward. When I leave for work in the morning, I let her know I have to go to work, so she can continue living the "good life" she's so used to. wink I also let her know, sometimes with a loud clapping of the hands , a stern talking to, or a firm NO, when she's being too demanding of me. It works part of the time. I will definitely consider the suggestions here, and will try mixing together suggestions and things I'm already doing.

I am certain that much of Greta's possessiveness, defensive behavior (hissing, growling, swatting, etc.) are all from kittenhood and the way she was treated prior to my adopting her. It makes sense to me anyway that is a factor, since she's done this her entire life.

I'm sad that she is so aggressive toward other kitties, and I don't understand why it is she could tolerate her brother Buster for 8 years....I do admit that he was high-strung and he lived in fear of her so that may be part of it. Maybe it's because they arrived together, instead of him arriving after her. Or maybe it's because he was larger in stature and weight than her, and she was (I believe) the runt of the litter. Either way, I have a few ideas as to how to proceed.

I will make sure that while she will be given the royal treatment here, there will be some boundaries she must respect. Who knows, maybe in time Greta will become less jealous and will even respect a new kitty.

Lynda (Greta's mama)

Edited by author Fri Mar 14, '08 7:10pm PST

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Greta (now- in kitty- heaven)

I am the QUEEN- OF THE HOUSE!
 
 
Purred: Fri Mar 14, '08 7:07pm PST 
Mama again...forgot to mention that most of the time, when Greta's at my mom's home, I let her roam around the house for a time while her kitties stay in dad's or mom's bedroom (they have 2 separate rooms since dad has dementia and has lost bowel control). Then we let her kitties out while Greta is in her room. Only occasionally are Greta and mom's kitties out together, and usually by accident, since they're fast, and can easily slip out a door while trying to rein them all in one or 2 rooms.
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Member Since
01/26/2012
 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 23, '12 9:36am PST 
I would get your kitty to a vet to check for any health problems. They also have medication you can rub into your kittys skin at the neck to help them be more calm. Good luck.
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CK Angel- Ryder- Knowles

I'm a Carolina- Kitten in New- York!
 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 23, '12 12:02pm PST 
I would suggest getting your kittie checked out. Sometimes there are physical illnesses that can make a cat appear much more aggressive with other cats, or 'badly behaved'.

That said, does your kitty have a cat tree? how much time do you spend with her?

If I don't play with CK enough-and young cats need constant stimulation or they become very bored-they will get your attention any way they can. Negative attention is attention, and they'd rather have negative attention than none. (CK will come up and bite my fingers or toes or bounce off me in an attempt to engage me in play if he's being ignored-and he HAS cats to play with).


I don't agree she needs to be an only cat. Some prefer it, and yours might, but sometimes they do need another friend, if one that they can enjoy the company of.....she might need someone who would love her, but stand up to her.

But before that, I think you need to spend time playing with her and letting her get her ya ya's out. That would involved interactive play....because they need it. Stumpknots dad was very helpful to me with doing things to make my little guy get in some good play time.

Realize jealousy might be more fear than anything else. If your kitty was bullied in the past, it could affect her. Also, most cats don't like being taken from their territory into another cats. It can spark fear and aggression.

My Smokie is a very jealous cat, and will sometimes swat or chase another cat away if he feels they have gotten attention when he should have. I do my best to then give him alot of love and reassurance, though I let him know that he's got to be 'nice' to the others.

All the best,
Deb, Mom of the KG cats
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