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Thoughts of My Bernie

A Note from Bernie's Dad

Hello Everyone :)

I'm not sure if you read in Maggie's recent diary entry that we found a bunch of pictures of Maggie and Bernie from years ago... when they were young.

I always felt bad that Bernie didn't have the tribute page she should have since we didn't have many pictures of her. Well, we found them while cleaning out the garage! Lots of kitty pictures of Maggie and Bernie in the old days!

We're in the process of scanning them and will be adding them to their pages soon! I *finally* found the appropriate song for Bernie's page. It's be musicless for TWO years. Yesterday, in the car I was playing one of my favorite CD's that I haven't listened to in a while by a modern classical group called AMICI FOREVER. This song is called the Whisper of Angels and seems so appropriate for Bernie's page.

I hope you enjoy it!

Bernie's Dad

The Day Bernie Crossed Over The Rainbow Bridge

(The post below was written on the day Bernie left us.... it was posted on www.petloss.com, which is a WONDERFUL site for those of us grieving for our babies. I'm posting it here not so much for the pain I experienced that day.. but for anyone who reads it to learn a little bit more about "the Berners" and how much we love her)
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I don't even know where to start. I'm writing this with tears streaming down my face, so saddened by the loss of my cat, Bernie, who I had to put to sleep a few hours ago.

Fifteen and a half years ago, I adopted two little kittens from a small local shelter. I had finally had a place where I could have pets of my own. Bernie (Bernadette) was a beautiful grey DSH and Maggie (Margaret) was a tiny tiger-tortie. Bernie was 7 weeks old at the time and a stray, Maggie was 5 weeks old and from a litter of abandoned kittens. They loved each other dearly, as I did. From the moment I brought them home, it was clear who the boss was... Maggie.

Over the years each of them developed into healthy, beautiful cats with very different dispositions. Maggie became the "people person" cat, always and to this day, requires human attention constantly. She sleeps on us, with us, wants to be held like a baby, but still ruled the house. Bernie was quite different, shy, quiet and not at all into strangers.

Bernie and I developed a unique friendship... we would often "talk" together with little coo's and meow's and she always responded to me. I think I was the person she let "in" the most. Although I always wanted to hold and cuddle with her, I knew she didn't like that.. we had a mutual respect for each other. She always let me pet her, would rub herself against my legs and followed me around the house... especially into the kitchen where she would meow constantly until I would give her treats. One look into those beautiful golden eyes and I couldn't resist.

Bernie was always a healthy cat.. an indoor cat who never really had any medical problems. Friday night as I sat at this computer, I noticed that she was sitting in her bed, staring off into the distance and looked like she would be uncomfortable if she laid down. I thought that maybe she was a bit sick, as she had been a few times in her life, where she would be withdrawn for a day or two and then perk back up. Saturday, she was more listless, not wanting to eat or drink, and her eyes seemed to have lost a bit of life. I was very concerned and stayed up most of the night, trying to feed her water from a little bowl, petting her, trying to give her some comfort.

Yesterday, she perked up a bit, but just circled her food and water bowl.. almost as if she wanted it, but couldn't. She walked very slow, could never seem to get comfortable and about 8pm last night, I couldn't handle watching her ill like this and took her to an emergency vet hospital. She never once resisted, which was very unlike the strong willed Bernie we knew. She was put thru tests and 4 hours later, we were told that she was in renal failure, had a spot on her lung and that one of her kidneys was much larger than the other (which they said could mean cancer). They put her on a warming bed, gave her fluids and explained the options... that if they could get her kidney numbers down, there would be a chance that she would recover and live for maybe another 6 months to a year with us giving her injections of fluids 2-3 times a week.

After a very sad goodnight (looking at her in the cage with a collar on, intervenous and monitors) and I headed home for one of the hardest nights I've ever had... to decide what to do about Bernie. As I walked in the door, there was little Maggie.. sniffing all the animal smells off of me, which included Bernie.

This morning, my partner and I decided that we didn't want Bernie to be hooked up to machines and treated in a place where she was alone, only to come home again and have this happen again to her. The shock of her not being at home (she hadn't left the house for probably 8 years) was enough for us to make that horrible decision.. to let Bernie rest in peace.

Eyes filled with tears, we kissed Maggie a short goodbye and went to the hospital to be with Bernie. I took her little bed along with me so that she could be as comfortable as possible. We visited with her for about 15 minutes and then I sent my partner (who was quite upset) outside. The vet came in and we talked as I held Bernie and kissed her. They gave me a paw imprint with her name on it and the vet administered the shot. I held her and rubbed her, trying to be strong for her. She died very peacefully.. just laid down and went to sleep. Bernie will be cremated in the next few days and she'll once again be home with us, where she belongs.

I left the hospital crying like I don't think I've ever cried before. I am overwhelmed with sadness and I continue to cry like a baby... looking for her to come around the corner, to rub up against me, to talk to me. The room is quiet and lonely without her on the couch sleeping.. there's just an empty space, both on the couch and in my heart.

I know many of you have been thru this before and I'm so sorry for your losses. I never knew the loss of a pet could hurt so much. I lost pets when I was a child, even as an adult. Bernie and Maggie were my first pets, my kids, my friends. Maggie knows something is up... she's constantly around us, and I think she knows that her long time friend Bernie is gone. I can't look at her without thinking of Bernie. I'm going to miss her very much.

Thanks for listening everyone... and to Bernie.. I love you and I'll see you soon.