Catster

return to top

The Inner-Most Thoughts of a Crazed Feline

Zombie Cat

Hey everyone,
So I wanted to tell all you kitty trouble-makers out there how to really freak out your pawrents. My mom won't let me outside at night by myself to hunt because she says theres bad things outside that will eat me. Puh-leeze as if anybody would dare mess with me. Anyways, I just go in the basement and hunt spiders and that's just as fun as anything really. So last night I was going down the stairs and mom said "Rufus, where are you going". As if I was going to tell her, seriously I'm 1 1/2 mom get real I don't need to tell you where I'm going. So I ignored her (as all cat's should!) and went to get some spider- action. One part of my basement is finished and pretty boring besides the squishy furniture. The other part is unfinished and really cool with tools, old refrigeraters, a big boat, old bicycles, and lots and lots of BUGS. Unfortunately the door to the other half is almost never open. But last night I looked over and EUREKA! someone is left it cracked just for me. I went exploring and found spiders, a water bug, and some maggots under the trash can. I went after the maggots first holding them down with my paws. Then I scratched myself underneath all the rusty bicycles and dirt covered lawn mowers. I got bored and came back upstairs. When mom saw me all covered in dirt and maggots she FLIPPED! She said I looked like I'd come back from the dead. I thought Ha ha I bet I could scare the pants off that irritating Shih Tzu next door if he I thought I was a Zombie Cat. I went to the door and meowed so Mom would open it for me. Doors! the only thing i can't manage, even with my little thumbs. And do you know what she did. She wouldn't open it! She started talking all this rubbish about baths and brushing and being "clean". She's so stupid sometimes.
Chat later,
the one and only Rufus Anubis

Thursday May 28th

My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining a piece of their furniture.

I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.