Happy Birthday... yeah whatever

Okay, I don't like to complain. But, what's the big deal about birthdays? Everyone was saying, "Happy Birthday William!" So I thought this was really gonna be great. Then Mom threw me a "party" or whatever. She made me and the little cat wear these stupid hats, and she laughed and took pictures and put them on RCN for everyone else to laugh at, too. Then she gave us canned cat food, that we didn't want, cuz the last time she gave it to us it had something called L Lysine in it, and it was ruined, so the little cat and I agreed that we won't eat it anymore. I got some balls to play with, but I'm too big to play with balls. Later in the day, Mom got me another present.... A BATH!!!! Then, just when I thought all the birthday torture, er celebrating, was over, this morning she took me to the vet who poked and injected and put his fingers in my mouth and trimmed mats off my belly, and stuck something called a microchip in my neck. What's up with that!

I hope next year nobody remembers my birthday.

I'm going back to my corner to sulk.

Sweet William

My Baby Kitty

Mom got me a new kitten! His name is Crash. I like him very much. He is fun to play with. I follow him around chirping so he won't get lonely in his new home. Sometimes I call for him if I don't know where he is, and I Bring him toys to play with.

And to think I thought new kitties were bad things to be chased away.

My New Name

I think my mom is going to give me a new name. She has a list that I saw of kitty names. And she keeps saying things like, "Joshua, how bout if we name the kitty, Blackberry? I've always liked that name. It was the name of a rabbit in Watership Down.".
Now, why would my mom want to give me a new name? I kinda like Sweet William.
Oh, and what's a Siamese? On her list of kitty names she has two headings. The first is Flower Names and the second is Siamese Names. Is that a fruit?
Sweet William
Guardian of Doors and Passageways >^..^

The Queen Has Bestowed A New Title Upon Me

I am very honored to announce that the Queen of the house has bestowed upon me the title of, "Guardian of Doors and Passageways". Isn't that a grand moniker? She told me last night that it is because at night, I lay in doorways of sleeping children, facing out into the hall, when they first go to bed. I guard the Queen and the King, too, when they first go to bed. Later, I go sleep somewhere, after I'm sure everyone is safe.
I feel so proud.
Sweet William >^..^

Ode To My Mistress

It's a quiet Saturday afternoon with nothing to do, so I composed a poem for my mistress.
I think she will like it.
It goes like this:

Ode To My Mistress

It’s all about ME, the CAT
And all this is for ME
For my tummy and my ease

It’s not about you
As if I should do things your way
You are here to serve
And I will purr when you obey

Sweet William >^..^<
"There are no ordinary cats." --Colette

Ode To A Tree

Why can’t I climb into the tree?
I want to see what’s there
Why can’t I climb into the tree?
It’s really quite unfair.

It stands in the corner
Among the moss, inside it’s woven basket
No one seems to care for it
I think it’s made of plastic

I never see them water it
Or fertilize with Miracle-Gro
But yet they holler “NO!” at me
When up the trunk I boldly go

They tell me I must climb
The sisal rope wrapped tree
That has the kitty toy up top
They say its made for me

But that tree I’ve already conquered
I’ve been to the top and back
There’s really no thrill at all left to it
Adventure it does lack

So off I go again
In search of forbidden fruit
What wonders await among the boughs?
What joys will I uproot?

By Sweet William

Helpin' The Human Know What She Wants

This morning I tried a new tactic to get scritches. Usually, way, way before the sun comes up, I scratch repeatedly on Mom's blanket until she lifts it up for me. Then I get under it and poke my nose on her tummy until she gives me scritches. Well, lately, she has been ignoring me sometimes, when I do that, so this morning I layed right on her chest and poked my pretty, pink, wet nose on her face, and whenever she stopped scritching, I did it again. She really like it a lot. I can tell, even though she pushed me away after a while and rolled over.

Humans are like that. They don't really know what they want. We have to tell them. In fact, humans don't really know much at all. That's why they get cats; to help them out. They would be a mess if it weren't for us.

On Alert

I have made a fascinating discovery: the bathroom trash can. It all started with a used Q-tip. I think it was a very dangerous Q-tip. I vanquished it and brought it to Mom to show her. The poor girl didn't understand. She took it away from me and put it back in the can where it lay, mocking me.

Every day after that I went on patrol looking for the nasty Q-tip. I would find it and bring it to Mom, telling her loudly that I was brave and had overpowered the deadly threat to her life. And every day she would take it away. Then, one day, my patrol did not turn up any Q-tips. I'm sure I frightened them all away. In fact, I couldn't even find the garbage can for a few days. But, then after searching diligently, I found it in the closet that has all the towels and stuff. I can't get in there though, no thumbs, you know. Mom doesn't understand that I need access to the can so I can protect her, poor Mom.

Humans, you gotta love 'em.

Who Is "Christmas" and Why Is He Getting All the Cool Toys?

December 22, 2004

Dear Diary,

Something strange is going on around here, and I don't like it one bit.

My Emily hung up big socks on the railing in the living room. One of them had meece in it so I took one out and played with it, but she put it back, and told me I couldn't have it cuz it's for Christmas.

Then I discovered something that looked fun to play with. It had a bag of something on it that smelled really good and I wanted to smell it forever. Then I saw that it had a dangly thing too, and I tried to play with it, but Meowm took the whole thing and hid it from me and said that it, too, was for Christmas. I wish it was for me. I would like to eat the stuff in the bag and hit the dangly thing and scratch on the cardboard.

What I want to know is who is this "Christmas" fella and why is he getting all the cool toys?

I must investigate.

Sincerely,
Sweet William