September 24th 2013 9:55 am
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Hi pals and Sun!
It's your mom here, my precious boy! How I miss you very much! But, I finally realize how much you were suffering, and are now at peace and oh-so happy! That is the most important thing, and what I try focusing on.
I want to thank you, Sun, God, and all the other Angels up at the Bridge, for making sure I got a sweet, happy, healthy new boy: Zane! He is more than I ever could have asked for!! He will be writing in his diary SOON! Lots of puppy tails to share!
I never showed pictures of Sun when he was sick. I only wanted others to see the 'happy boy' he was. But, a friend recently commented on that, and I went back and looked at Sunny's "Sick" folder. I kept them separate than his happy pics. I also downloaded the last 2 pics I had of him from my camera, onto the puter.
After viewing them, I felt like I had blinders on at the time, and couldnt see how sick he was. I almost didnt recognize him myself. I would like to share with you a few of his 'sick' pictures. I know you won't recognize him either.
This first one was the first time he got sick, and had terrible tear stains. I believe it was from yeast. He hardly had any staining when he was healthy and felt well:
MY ANGEL BOY WITH TEAR STAINS...
The next 2 pictures are the last ones of him I had on my camera: (At the time, I didnt see how his eyes were bulging from the steroids. I only saw the beautiful boy that he was.)
THE LAST PICS I HAD ON MY CAMERA OF MY BOY
THE LAST PICS I HAD ON MY CAMERA OF MY BOY
I know my Sun would have wanted you to see how he struggled. But, to only remember the beautiful boy that he was!
Sending you love today, and every day, my sweet Angel!
July 11th 2013 4:03 pm
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Gosh, its hard for me to write in my dear Angel boy's diary after so long. (Mom talking...) Yesterday was his birthday. I didn't even think of it until somebody mentioned it here on Dogster. It didnt really affect me yesterday, but it did today, for whatever reason. So many memories came flooding back to the surface... some good, alot bad.
I now know with all my heart that Sunny is so much happier and pain-free up at the Bridge. Having Zane, a healthy puppy, has shown me how sick Sunny was from the very beginning. Zane rolls onto his back and plays, or even sleeps like that - something Sunny NEVER did because he had back pain. I didnt have a clue he had back pain at that time, nor did I till the very end. Zane is so outgoing and friendly. He lets kids pick him up and play with him. Sun was afraid of his own shadow and wouldnt let anyone but me pick him up.
I now see so clearly what I was up against with Sun. It was a battle I could never win. I did EVERYTHING I could for him, and gave him the best life anyone ever could.
"To my dear Angel Boy up there at the Bridge:
I love you so very much and hope you had a very happy birthday. I will cherish the time we spent together always, and look forward to the day we meet again... under much happier circumstances.
Fly free, my sweet love!!"
Thank you, friends, for the pressies and birthday wishes. I am getting to thank yous soon!!
Hugs to all!!
August 31st 2012 10:42 am
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In the past, I've always been, (or tried to be), on top of doing "thank-you's". I think it's nice to personally acknowledge each fur/person who was thoughtful and generous enough to think of my sweet Angel boy. But, in this case, I just haven't been able to do it. The thoughtfulness and generosity was overwhelming - so much so, that I couldn't even bring myself to read all the kind messages of support and sympathy until just recently. I did personally thank some of you, but those I did not, please know that I know who you are, and am so grateful for you acknowledging and memorializing my Sunny's passing.
I miss him more than words could ever express. But as I look back on things, I see how much he was suffering. I think he was trying to be strong for me, because he knew how much I needed him. I think I needed him more than he needed me. Its so hard for me to accept, but I am trying to believe that he is healthy now and okay on his own up there. And I wait and pray for the day that we will be reunited.
The days are finally getting a bit better for me. I don't spend the entire day in bed anymore - just parts of it. I had a really good 2 days, but last night and today, the feelings of devastation seem to have returned. I know they say grief comes in waves - I just want an even flow. I cant bear to move any of his toys or things yet. The tears still flow daily... nights are the worst.
I will get another dog. Just not yet. I want to be mentally and financially stable first. And I don't feel ready to open my heart to a new dog yet. When my old dog, Rocky, passed, I got Sunny at my parents urging, just 2 days later. And Sunny helped the grief immensely. I just can't imagine another dog on my bed in "Sunny's spot", or walking outside in "Sunny's yard". I also don't feel ready to take on the challenge of a new dog quite yet. In time....
Through his passing, I've made some new, wonderful, and unexpected friends. It made me realize how many truly wonderful people there are on Dogster. And I am so fortunate that you all were there to support me in the hard times I went through with Sunny - and the good times too.