Hey everyone, just wanted to say hello, it has been a long time since I have blogged. Thanks for the emails and gifts still coming through for Ali. I still struggle daily with Ali being gone. It is such a huge loss for me. I miss him so bad some days. It has only been four months but feels like a lifetime. I have had several offers for a cat or a kitten since his passing. I have had to say no to all of them so far, I figured when the time was right a cat would "find me". Until this month, around the 4th a friend of mine rescued a baby kitten from a tree, a meer 4 weeks old. She has had him, I seen him for the fist time on Friday, could of swore I was looking into Ali's eyes. He looks alot like my Ali. My heart keeps telling me he is the one. So we will see, I may bring him home and see how it feels and I will give myself time to think on it. So thanks again for everyons kind thoughts still. Paula

Ali's Memorial

Hi everyone. Just wanted to make a quick blog and say thanks again for everyones continues support.

I ordered Ali's pet marker a week ago and got it today in the mail. It made me cry alot when I seen it for the first time. Makes everything so final you know? It will be three weeks this coming Saturday and it feels like a lifetime he has been gone. I miss him so bad, and it still hurts so much. I miss his greetings at the door, I miss his head bonks, I miss his purrs and kisses. He was the sweetest cat ever. So loving and so sweet. It has been hard for Chance too, I know he misses him alot. Sometimes he walks around and meows like he is looking for him. It breaks my heart. They spent the last 12 years together. So Chance gets extra love all the time.

Well, that is really all for now. Wanted to just post a quick blog. If anyone is interested in a pet marker (memorial) for your pet, the ladywho did mine did an excellent job and her prices are very very reasonable. I posted a picture of Ali's marker here above the blogs for all to see. The white specs you see in it is just a reflection of the sparkly granit it is made of. The oval picture is an actual picture of Ali. It was taken from the pic I have above of Ali and Chance looking out of the window. So that is how nice it looks, it looks exactly like the picture. She had it done and shipped to my house within a week. Very nice lady and very profesional. If anyone would like info on where I got it done, just mail me and I will give yuo their website and info.

Paula

Thanks to my friends

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who left me gifts with nice sayings, and the kind emails, and to Carolyn if you read this for the nice card. It's nice to be able to express to people who really understand. It is still very fresh and very hard. I am starting to see alot of signs from his brother (from another mother) Chance who is now beginning to realize Ali is no longer here and confused of where he is.

I spent two solid weeks at Ali's side, up with him all night and all day and I am thankful I had that extra closeness with him before he passed, many people do not get that time like I did. My hardest time through all this is the cofusion as to why Thursday he seemed back to his old self, and Friday even though he was breathing a little harder than normal, he stll had a great morning outside with me, exploring like he loves to do and has done so many times before. We came inside around noon and within 24 hours I had to put him to sleep. That is the hardest part of all of this. It is hard and confusing as to how and why he could fall ill that fast and sudden. This is where all my what ifs come into my mind. I keep thinking what if I had of waited a few days he may of came out of these breathing spells, alot of people dissagree.

Many have told me that his journey outside was his way of letting me know he was ready to go and he wanted to make me happy one last time before he left and give me that wondeful memory of that, and I am thankful I have that last memory, yet at the same time, it hurts to see him be that normal to me one minute and then gone the next.

So I am trying to do what others say, cherish the great long and spoiled life he had, remember the good, not the bad, he will always be in my heart I have never had a cat as long who was as loving and kind and sweet as him. I miss him more than anything.

Thanks again to everyone for being so kind.

Rest in peace my Ali 3/15/08

I have never written a blog before here. But wanted to write one now. I have lost my best friend, my life, my love. I had to put my Ali to sleep yesterday and it was sudden and painful, and it has just been under 29 hours now, my heart continues to break and my tears heavy. I am devistated and hurt and just do not know what to do with myself. I walk around my house in a daze looking for him or wait for him to appear from around the corner like he has so many times before. I am lost.

Back in July of 07, Ali was diagnosed with kidney failuer. He was 16 and they said there was not much they could do due to his age etc. So we lived with it, he did well. Around December, I had to start taking Ali in for fluid at least once every three weeks due to the dehydration cause by the kidney failure. Three weeks turned into two weeks, and just recently we decided to make it once a week or me doing the fluids at home.

Last week, Ali started acting more lethargic than normal, took him to the vet for fluids, decided to do a two or three day round of them. He still acted really weak. Finaly on Friday night, this past Friday, took him back for the second time that night because his face was swollen and his eye lid coming out. Vet found he had a deep root abcess in his mouth. Started antibiotics on Saturday (one week and a day ago) and he was really really sick. Couldn't walk, wouldn't eat, I even had to carry him to the litter box. I was really worried.

Wednesday came around and he was feeling better, eating and pottying on his own. Thursday and Friday morning he met me at the door like normal and he seemed to being sooo good. I noticed Friday morning he was breathing hard and seemed kinda distressed a bit, yet feeling better. I went outside for a bit and he went out with me, like he LOVES to do...he walked around the yard and seemed to be in heaven, he loved it outside. We were out for about an hour and I thought for sure he was much better, this is his favorite thing to do and he LOVES this...he seemed so happy. Just sitting there, looking around, alomost as if he was smiling. I felt good about it. We came back in and he went back to bed, I noticed he was still breathing really hard.

I ran a few erronds and came back and his breathing was more distressed than before. I picked him up because he had to be at the vets for fluids and when I did he had a breathing spell. He started to cough and his tounge hung out and he was gasping for air. He was breathing this harsh rasping breath. His eyes glassed over. I thought for sure he was gone. Rushed him to the vet and she explained that the kidney failure was causing his breathing like that because of the blood cells. She said there was nothing they can do again due to his age and kidneys.

Vet told me to bring him home and make him as comfy as possible. I did unsure he would make it through the night. He did well, except he seemed very uncomfortable during the night and restless. I was up with him most the night, and he just couldnt seem to get comfortable and did not sleep well at all. Saturday morning he woke up and had another one of those spells. I rushed him back to the vet. She pretty much said he would keep doing this until eventually he would do it until he passed out and died on me. She encouraged me to remember he was not well. It was my choice on what to do.

With much going back and forth and many many tears. I chose to put him to sleep. Now, all I can do is cry and question what if what if what if? Did I do the right thing, what if? I am so torn and so hurt. I have never felt hurt like this before until now. My heart is in a million pieces and my mind races constantly with but if I....should I....what if I?

I know he is with his angels and I know he feels much better now....but I miss him so bad it physically hurts. My Ali passed on Saturday 3/15/08