Roland's Return

Hi friends and acquaintances! My friend Tate has tagged me with a special question/answer game - and frankly, I am WAY overdue to write in my diary!!! I gotta update you guys on my leg injury situation! That I will do in my next entry. Sorry it's been so long buddies. Really. My doorknob mom decided to do some volunteer work with a couple of local rescues, and we have had.........FOSTER DOGS IN OUR HOME! -which I must admit I have been enjoying. I have been a very good ambassador animal even with my kattywampus hind leg! More on that later too.

Here go my questions and answers.

1) What color is my collar?
-I prefer to go bare necked. (Oh my! That sounds like "bare naked"!! Oh wait.....I DO go bare naked!!!) Due to my agoraphobia, I do not like to go outside. Maybe cuz I use to HAVE to live outside, so a collar is an unnecessary accessory.

2) What kind of food do I eat?
-Now that I am finnished with the huge bag of weight maintainance food that the Dr. gave me, I am back to my good old Solid Gold Indigo Moon.

3) What is my fav. treat?
-Tuna....no more cheezbrgrs for me!

4) Do I have a significant other?
-I am single AND available.....calling all gals out there.....here is my match.cat profile:

Single B&W male seeks disease free female feline companion for friendship, laffs, and who knows what. In my free time when I am not eating or sleeping, I enjoy eating and sleeping. My hobbies include hitting dogs on top of the head, waking my mom up in the middle of the night, scratching on my scratch pad, and pooping. I am "big boned", and prefer a gal with a Rubenesque fuller figure. Are you looking for a special someone to lick plastic bags with? We could be a match made in heaven.

5) Do you get table scraps?
-What are those? My people eat EVERYTHING.

6) Favorite toy?
-Puffy balls

7) When is my B-day?
-Not sure. We celebrate it on my fave holiday. Halloween.

8) How many times a day do I eat?
-Not as much as I'd like!

9) Fave color?
-There is a thing I heard of called "food coloring". I haven't seen it, but I figure that would be my favorite.

10) Do you hope all your friends put this in their diary?
-I don't know.

Talk soon!

Love Roland

Roland's Rapture! :D

Huff..puff puff puff.....huff....!!!

OMGOMGOMG!!!! I can't even believe it even!!! I get to be diary of the day today, and just found out JUST NOW! DIARY OF THE DAY! ACTUAL DIARY OF THE WHOLE DAY! WHEEEEEEEEE! I am so excited I could explode! I can't even get ahold of myself! I gotta go breath in a paper sack for a minute so I don't pass out, I'll hurry back.

There. I feel a little less faint now and think I can talk to you like a reasonable guy not sufferring from some kind of insanity. (I hafta watch my blood pressure.)

Usually every single morning I check my flea-mail, but not today cuz of I was too busy HELPING my monkey-noggin sister Delores. (I was helping her go away from me by gently bashing -I MEAN- tapping the side of her head.) God how she just can't take a hint! (There is FOR SURE NO WAY that she is one of those smart monkey types that gets sent into space! - Altho' I just about sent her into space this morning!) Anyway, I feel so honored and humbled at being chosen today since I kind of think my last few diary entries were mostly just informational and kind of boring and/or dry. (My mom says like if a congressman was reading a medical report in the desert.) The diary picker must be really nice.

I could not be happier! Right now I can't wait to read the nice mail I got today! -I didn't even read it yet cuz I needed to get right to my diary! I cannot even tell you all just how much I value all my Catster friends and aquaintances!

By the way, I am really feeling better. Suture good. Hip good. I am trying to walk, but it is very tricky since my cast won't let me bend my knee. (I can't wait til it's OFF!) I wake my mom up every single morning @ approx. 3:00 to help me stand and pee, then 20 minutes or so later I am ready to go poop. (I can tell she enjoys being awakened @ this hour to "spend time" with me even tho she pretends to be crabby and looks ugly.) You could set your watch by me! :)

Thank you for all the purrs and love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rolan d

Roland's Relapse (Part 2)

Ok you guys. Just when I thought I was good to go, my mom saw that my skin was pulling away from the staples and I was oozing more Roland juice. :(

Back to the Dr I went. I got another pain patch and she fixed me again, and showed my mom a treatment to do on my suture 2 times a day to help me heal better and sent some extra new medicine to put on it to help disinfect and seal it. I also have a pill medicine to take as well as my drink medicine. Boy! My mom and I can hardly believe how well the treatment is working! I am looking better every day! She also sent some pepper spray home to put on my scar so my sister Delores doesn't keep trying to lick it!!! HeeHee! (Actually, Delores means well, but Dr. says she isn't helping!)

But.......now the bad news. Dr. decided it would be best if I .......LOSE SOME WEIGHT. What a drag. (Even tho' I have lost 3 whole lbs. since when my mom first got me!) Mom says the new food the Dr. sent home costs a million dollars an ounce but that I am worth more than that cuz I give luv by the pound, which I do. :)

I cannot thank you my friends enough for all of the love and support.

I am getting better! :D

Roland

Roland's Relapse (Part 1)

Hi my friends.

Since I talked to you last, I have had to go back to the Dr. 2 whole more times! My mom saw a little bitty sore below my suture line that exploded into a giant gaping wound in like a day and a half! She first saw it in the morning, then it got bigger by the evening, so she put a dressing on it - (I don't know why a dressing since I am not even a salad, but anyway...) she called the Dr. to make an appointment for the next day after her work. When she got home from work, my owie was sooooo gross!!!! It was huge, and juicy, and smelly, and completely disgusting!!! (Mama almost blew chunkage!) Dr. let us come over right away. She wasn't sure how this happened so fast, and thought that maybe I had a bad reaction to the stitches that were inside of me.

She fixed me up so well that you couldn't even tell I had a sore! She said to call her right away if we saw any more tiny owies or if any precious Roland juice was coming out of me.

Well, we had to call her AGAIN after about a day and a half. :(

Stay tuna-d for more of the scoop tomorrow!

Big Love; Roland

Roland's Recklessness (Part Two)

I AM HOME!!! :D Finally!! I was gone for 8 days!

OMGOMGOMG! I GOT SHAVED AND HAVE STAPLES IN ME AND A CAST ON MY LEG AND A MEDICINE PATCH ON A DIFFERENT LEG!!!

OK. First of all, all of us were very suprised to find out that I only weigh 25 lbs!!! Even the Dr.! But then she said that she did notice that I was mostly fat and hardly no muscle, and fat doesn't weigh as much as muscle. Well, when the Dr. looked at my X-ray, she saw that not only is my poor leg dislocated, but I also have a hairline fracture in my main leg bone called the femur, and another bone in my leg is all broke! :( So now I have a clunky cast on. :( Dr. said if I wasn't so big I wouldn't have hurt myself so much, but she didn't scold me cuz she said some guys are just big . She knows that my mom feeds me diet food and that I really don't eat as much as I look like I do. (Dr. is big too. :) I liked her very much. She let me stay in her very own home so she could keep an eye on me!) I am not a good jumper and don't usually go to high places, but lately mom did catch me on the table cuz of some wet food she sometimes forgets up there.up I must have landed awkward, hard, and heavy.

But now I am home and scooting all over the place. The Dr. said I tried to stand a few times, but I am not ready yet.

Right now I am having medicine to help my pain, and I am going to be A-Okay. My mom is going to post some rather embarrassing photos. I asked her to put them on the second page, so they don't just explode in people's faces.

Lastly, I can't thank all of you my very good friends enough for all of the gifts, kind wishes, and moral support!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! (Even monkey head and log dog have been nice to me since I got home.)

I will keep you posted.

Love Roland

Roland's Recklessness (Part One)

Hello to all my feline friends!

Boy do I have some big fat news for you guys.........

I HAD AN ACCIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! :O But don't worry!! I am going to be OKAY!!!

Last week when my mom came home from work, I didn't come out to meet her. She kept saying: "Roooolaaaand"..."Rooolaaaaand" But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get up. My back legs wouldn't stand me up, so I just sat there in the closet. My mom was so worried I had hurt my spine and had a BAD permanent injury! She tried to help me get up, but I couldn't. We didn't know WHY??? Nothing seemed broken, nothing was hurting on me, did I pull a muscle? hurt my back? What?? Mom called the Dr. for us to go and see her the next day. But that evening, I scooted all around the house just like I usually do! When I had to potty, I cruised over to the litter box, mama held me up and I pooped! :D The next day, when I had to go pee, I went and sat on the weewee pads mom has out for the dogs and I peed on them! :D I AM A GOOD GOOD BOY! (Everybody says so)

Well....turns out one of my legs got dislocated, and I couldn't lift my ginormousness up with just 3 legs. The Dr. said I had to stay with her so she could put my leg back up in the hole where it got loose from. She tried and tried but couldn't get my large masculine limb back in the socket on-account-of there was too much torn tissue plugging it up, and even if she could get it back in, it would probably pop right back out over and over again cuz of too much weight on it.

Sooooo.......

I would have to have an......OPERATION.

Well, my mom has known my Dr. for many yrs., and she says she teaches surgery at the U of M, so I trust her all the way!

I made it thru surgery last night with flying colors! :D

Stay tuned for part Two;

Roland

Roland's Rival?

The new gal is here!!! But I think there's been a terrible mistake! My mom was looking for a dog, but I think they accidentally (or on purpose!) sent us home a freaky monkey!!! My other sister has a pointy nose, this one's face is totally smashed in! (Did she crash into something you s'pose?) Also she is hairy, snores like a drunken sailor, and I am SURE i saw her eat out of my dish! Last night she slept dangerously close to my spot on the bed, and this morning she crouched down and tried to play with me. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I always do, and just sat there like a lump. Man! I wish my old lady would give her some of those damn bananas that I KNOW are up on the counter sitting there rotting! Monkeys like those, right?

Sheesh what next around here?!?!

Roland's Relocation

Hi to all my beauty Catster friends! I am just writing to let you all know that I have been missin' you guys a ton!!! :( My mom has been so darn busy packing all our belongings cuz we are moving to a new joint! (I think it is taking a long time to pack up my food-OMG! I hope she doesn't leave ANYTHING behind!) Plus we have some houseguests right now. My mom's friend is here who has a weiner dog, (that makes 2 whole weiner dogs total at my house, which seems like about 50 of them-AND they are always trying to git my food!!!) :O I guess most of our stuff will be moved by this weekend.

Also, my mean mom has been abusing her computer time searching and searching for another darn DOG!!! She has looked at every single dog on every single rescue website in Minnesota about a million times I tell ya!! I can't figure why for the lives of me! I bet they are all the same! I am only letting her get away with this nonsense cuz she said we will find a buddy for me, Roland, next!!!! :D

I will keep you posted!

Roland's Recommendation

Here is something you can try on your owner to help them learn a lesson.

Say for example...oh...I don't know; let's just say I have a "friend". And this "friend" of mine gets scolded for playing with his- OR her...fluffy pink ball in the middle of the night, cuz they sound like a "ginormous water buffalo". (Whatever.) Anyway, what you could do is this: After you are done playing, you go over to your water dish for a refreshing quench. Make sure to slop, drip, and splash as much water as possible onto your chin, and furry man-boobish chest as you can. (If you have to partially immerse your bosom in the bowl itself, then so be it.) Next, run - not walk- right to your mom's bed and leap up in, positioning yourself as close to her face as possible, and give her a nice big kiss! :D

See if she kisses you back!

Roland's Relatives

I just read my friend Chloe's diary, and she told a good fish story. It reminded me of a similar fish situation that takes place at my house with my fish brothers and sisters.

It drives my mom crazy when the blue devil-eyed fish, (who always tries to bully EVERYBODY), torments the poor sweet shy pink and yellow fish! Sometimes he just won't let up with his terrorizing and stalking of her that she has to live her life hiding, and we hardly get to see her, cuz as soon as she comes out-he chases her right back into her hiding joint! Well, Chloe's mom solved the problem by purchasing the victim fish its own tank so it can finally have peace. My mom also found a sollution that works. She gets the fish catcher net out and catches the devil fish in it, (no matter HOW much she messes up the tank), and makes him have a "time-out" sequestered inside the net within the tank. Then when she sets him free again he doesn't bother anybody for a while.

Nowadays, she doesn't even have to catch the blue devil fish. All she has to do is stick the net in the tank, and devil fish shapes up right quick!

Whadya think of that!? :D