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Adventures of a Circus Cat

It's snowing in Michigan, why can't it snow here?

My person hasn't been home very much lately. Sometimes when she does get home, she just drops some food in the bowl and gives me a couple of quick pets and is out the door again. I have no idea what's going on. I stand by the treat drawer and meow but she walks right on by - so now I run to the door and wait, trying to get a glimpse outside before she leaves. Sometimes when she opens the door a breeze will hit me right in the face. Holy geeze is it getting cold here! My person says that it is snowing back home in Michigan (I saw the pictures) so this place is like a tropical paradise. (Now I want one of those drinks with the umbrellas.)

So, since my person won't let me go outside and play, I decided I needed to invent a new game. It's called "Chase the noise that the blankets make at 4 AM". The rules are simple:
1) Wait until person is asleep.
2) Dig at the blankets until the person moves.
3) When the person moves, attack the exposed appendage.
4) If the person tries to catch you, run under the bed.
5) Repeat when person falls back asleep.

I managed to play this for thirty minutes or so last night. You should have seen my person thrashing around trying to prevent me from biting her feet and fingers. Hilarious!

However, my person eventually caught me. She pretended to be asleep and when I went to bite her foot, she grabbed me by the scruff. I found myself sitting in the hallway staring at the closed door.

I got up and listened closely. It sounded like my person went back to sleep. I put my paws together and headed for the bathroom to get a drink out of the faucet.

I discovered that my person had left the box of Kleenex dangling slightly over the edge of the toilet tank. See, I like the way Kleenex tastes so the box is always flipped over. This time, however, it only took one push and the box was on the floor. It was only a matter of seconds before I removed every last tissue from the box. That gave me an idea; surprise my person with fake snow! She'll love it (and then maybe she'll give me more food)!

I spent a good part of the morning ripping the Kleenex into tiny pieces. I decorated the floor, the toilet, and even the bathtub. I even left a decorative piece sticking out the box since I have a hard time making snowcats out of Kleenex. I put the finishing touches on the bathroom and realized it was time for breakfast.

Since I was locked out of the bedroom I threw myself at the door a few times. That was enough to get my person up and out of bed. She walked slowly to the bathroom and I ran in there first and perched on the sink so I could see the expression on her face.

She wasn't as happy as I anticipated. Guess she doesn't like snow as much as I thought she did.

Cats are problem-solvers, too.

My person wasn't feeling well last night. She decided to go to bed early. You know what that means? I was BORED all night long! We didn't play with the laser or my favorite purple ball. She didn't even pet me that long OR let me drink out of the sink before she went to sleep. Seriously.

So...I had to invent my own games.

Yesterday my person came home with some new stuff for her bike. I guess she rides in the dark a lot because she came home with a headlight and she got out the red flashy light. She put everything together and left it on the kitchen table while the batteries charged. I got to work.

First I tried pushing the headlight to the ground. That didn't work, it was too heavy and it didn't even roll that well. The red rear light was a different story, though.

My person had put the red light against the wall so I had to work for a long time to get it near the edge. I pushed it slowly across the table, pausing to make sure my person didn't wake up. Not one sound came from the bedroom. I kept going.

Finally I got it to the edge and paused to take a breath. Then, my favorite part: watching stuff plummet to the floor! The light fell with a satisfying BANG! I stopped, ears toward the door. Nothing. Victory was mine!

Even better - when I looked over the edge, I realized the light had broken into two pieces: the red outer part and the back of the battery case. I jumped down from the table and started batting the battery half around. It moved across the floor and spun around and everything! I love it when my person brings home new things that I can take apart. That kept me busy most of the night. I decided to hide it so my person wouldn't take my new toy away.

By this time it was getting lighter outside. Know what that means? Breakfast! I went back into the bedroom to tell my person it was time to get up. She just kept groaning, rolling over, and putting the blanket over her head no matter how much I licked her face or jumped on her feet. My stomach doesn't fill itself, people, so I knew I had to get her up.

I kept jumping on her feet and pawing at the blankets. She wouldn't budge. Sometime in my frantic ploy to get her out of bed, I spotted it.

"It" was a tiny spot of paint on the wall. I swear I thought it was a bug or something. I gave up on my person and jumped to the floor, staring at that spot. It was probably four and a half feet up. I jumped up a few times, scratching frantically, and making a huge ruckus.

The blankets rustled. My person was watching me.

I jumped straight up a few more times and scratched as high as I could. My person started laughing. I guess I did look pretty funny, jumping straight up in the air over and over again. In any case, no matter how funny I looked, I really wanted that spot. I couldn't reach it jumping like that, so I had to come up with another plan.

I decided I needed to move the door to get a better angle. I pushed it until it shut and turned to stare at the wall one more time. I decided to get a running start so I backed up across the room and ran at the wall. I hit the wall with a loud SMACK and only reached a little higher. I shook my head when I hit the ground; that didn't work as well as I thought.

I paused, thinking about the problem. The bed! I could reach it from there! I am such a genius sometimes. I jumped up on the bed and realized I had to leap across the wall to hit that spot. I steadied myself in the ready-to-launch position. Granted, since I had to jump sideways, my head ran right into the corner, but hey, I hit the spot! It wasn't a bug after all.

Apparently the noise from me hitting my head on the wall was enough to get my person out of bed. She was watching me the whole time (I thought she went back to sleep). How embarassing. Oh well...at least it was time for breakfast!

We went into the kitchen where she spotted the red light on the floor. She picked it up and started searching for the battery case. It was nowhere to be found. I watched her from the couch and laughed at her. She had NO idea where I hid it! She moved the couches, the desk, and even looked in the closet. She took the broom and poked it under the stove and fridge. Nothing. Hilarious!

At least...it WAS funny until she told me I wasn't getting fed until she found it. Darn. Still...I kept my paws clamped over my mouth.

She still hasn't found it. I'm rubbing my paws together just thinking about it! Ha ha ha ha! Sometimes I impress myself so much. Do you want to know the best part? I got my breakfast anyway.

I guess that means she won't be riding her bike in the dark like she planned. She'll just have to stay home and play with me more often. Now, if only I could find a really, really good spot for her car keys. I'll have to do something with those before she figures out that she needs to hide them from me.

If only I could open the toilet lid.

I think I need to stick with cats my own age.

My person got me all excited last week. She told me I might have another playbuddy! I spent all week grooming myself, shortening my claws by scratching the post (and the couch when my person wasn't around), and straightening my whiskers.

My person brought me to the office that day so I could hang out while she was working in the woodshop. I thought it would be boring but I actually had lots and lots of vistors. They all petted me and messed up my fur. Seriously. There's nothing more annoying then trying to look nice and having people mess it all up because they think you are cute and fluffy. Sheesh. And if I hear one more person say they want to use my tail as a duster, I'm going to stick some fur to their clothes. Where is my agent when you need him?

Anyway, got off topic a bit there.

So I wanted to make a good impression on Edward (http://www.catster.com/cats/903237). I even thought of some games we could play: chew on the shoes, throw litter out of the box, spill water on the floor, break into the catnip, knock stuff off tables, make the loudest noise by breaking something, and set fire to the bedroom. Sounds like fun, eh? I thought so.

When we got to Edward's person's house (his name is "M"), I was all ready. We walked in the door. I stuck out my paw. Edward took one look at me and hid under the table.

I've never heard a cat make those noises before. Eh, well, I couldn't understand Edward through all of his mumbling so I just kept trying to be friends. He ran under the couch. I tried again. He just kept mumbling. I swear he was saying things like "How could you bring another cat here especially a little one like that? I am the only cat of this house! You should leave, other cat! I didn't give you permission to come in! You have five seconds before I release the dogs. 5-4-3..." at which point I decided to see what else M's place had to offer.

I managed to find Edward's food. WAY better than mine. Well, really, any food that isn't my own is excellent because that means I have more for me when I get home. I took care of that for Edward. Then I found Edward's treats. Of course I had to jump on a ledge to get them, knock off the bag, and chew on it before my person realized I wanted one. I just don't understand why Edward hadn't chewed an access hole through it yet.

After exploring a bit, I tried one more time to befriend Edward. This time he grumbled, "You young cats, always causing trouble. This is why I don't want anything to do with you. You think you know everything and just stroll around, eating other cat's food and making friends with their people. Who do you think you are? You can leave now, by the way."

At least...that's what I THINK he said. It was kind of hard to hear him under the couch. Plus I think he has a habit of talking with his jaw clenched which makes him harder to understand. My agent would tell him to a-nun-ciate.

So what if Edward is a few months my senior? He probably has way more worldly experience...but what cat wouldn't like to break stuff and get food (especially the second one)?

I hope he'll give me a second chance...I have a feeling that we could teach each other a few things. He could teach me how to mumble a bunch of nonsense syllables (that would REALLY fool my person) and I could show him how to manipulate his person to get whatever he wants.

Maybe I will wear a hat next time and leave the whiskers wavy.