March 23rd 2009 6:14 pm
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Edward gave me away AGAIN. Seriously. No matter how many times I give that cat a talking-to, he somehow foils my plans. I always tell him that he can't live with fear in his heart, but he just grumbles and calls me names I shouldn't repeat in front of kittens. I'm fairly sure he throws the words "meddlesome", "trouble-maker", and "stop making bombs" into all of his mumbles about me.
In any case, I had discovered a new way to sneak out of the house. See, my person and Mr. M were sleeping. Mr. M is a pretty sound sleeper (I've tap-danced on his face a few times and he doesn't do anything except roll over and mutter some stuff). My person, on the other hand, wakes up all of the time. Well, I had QUIETLY snuck out of the house through the window. That's right, the window...and to make it even better, it was the window RIGHT by the sleeping people! Sometimes I even impress myself with my own stealth!
Edward had to give it away, though. He just HAD to.
My person woke up to Mr. M's phone ringing way earlier than their get-up-and-feed-the-cats time. It was unusual; he never gets calls that early. She didn't think anything of it, just curled up and went back to sleep. An hour or so later Edward woke her up by un-gracefully jumping back INTO the house out of the window I had escaped from. Seriously. That cat needs some serious lessons in quiet.
I heard the whole thing go down and I had to hold a paw over my mouth to keep from laughing.
My person sat up when Edward landed with a THUD on the windowsill. She looked around and realized that the screen to the window was on the ground outside. I was no where to be seen. She woke up Mr. M who sleepily called my name a few times. My person stumbled through the dark house, searching for me and running into walls in the process. I sat outside, waiting and watching. I should have taken Mr. M's pipe. That would have been cool.
My person ran out on the front porch. She called my name - I casually walked up to her...I WAS hungry, after all, and acting all nice and purry is a great way to get fed. She rushed me inside and shut the window.
Edward glared at me from under the table. It didn't matter, I was at the food bowl long before he was.
Mr. M fixed the screen. He was out that evening nailing it to the house. Mr. M believes that the wind caused the shades to bang against the screen and knock it out on the ground. I'll just let him keep on thinking that.
It turns out the early-morning phone call was from Mr. M's neighbor. She had spotted me on the porch. Granted, I was eyeballing her turkey sandwich so I had to act all cute to get a bite. It didn't work. She's allergic to cats (a likely excuse).
I am determined that I can get the window open once again. Lately I've been trying a few new ploys so I can go back outside. Mostly I run from the living room, build up speed in the hallway, dash across the bed, and launch myself into the window . That doesn't seem to work. Leaping from the bed through the blinds isn't effective, either (my person thought the blinds might look "solid" to me so I would stop jumping at the window - well, now it's easy to see daylight right through the blinds if you know what I mean). I even tried running across the bed, grabbing the window pane with both paws, doing pull-ups, and kicking at the screen. Nothing. Of course I have to try all of these things at 3 AM when my people are trying to sleep. It's all part of my plan. I'm making them lock me out of the bedroom so I can perfect my other escapes directly through the wall utilizing the drill I stole from Mr. M's closet. That way they can't hear me.
If anyone has any ideas how to bribe Edward into silence, please let me know.
February 10th 2009 1:32 pm
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Edward has this strange affinity for Q-tips. I never understood it myself. He would just play with those things for HOURS. I thought they were pretty lame at first - they don't rattle, ring, or even taste that good (I'm not a fan of the cotton-mouth). In fact, people stick them in their ears, throw them away, THEN Edward digs them out of the trash. Disgusting. Not only do they taste like cotton, but they also taste USED. My fur stands on edge just thinking about it.
Still - I've been watching him play with these things so much lately that I've started to like them. To my surprise, they spin around fairly well on the kitchen floor and they DO fit nicely in my mouth. The cotton is fun to rip apart and the bar is a great chew toy.
The only problem with these is that they are difficult to attain.
I discovered that Mr. M always cleans his ears after he showers. He also conveniently leaves the trash can out in the open in the bathroom (my person learned her lesson long ago). It's wedged between the toilet and the legs that hold up the shelf in there. I found that if I run full-force into the bathroom and launch myself at the top of the can, I can turn it over and dig out the goods. However, my people often hear me and fix the trash before I get to pull anything out of there. Then the door to the bathroom is shut and I lose all hope of playing with Q-tips. I finally came up with a plan.
A few days ago my person was sitting on the couch reading a book. I eyed her carefully and groomed myself so she wouldn't think anything was awry. As soon as she turned the page, I bolted into the bathroom, hit the trash, and frantically dug through it until I found a Q-tip. This entire operation took me about ten seconds - not enough time for my person to figure out what was going on.
I waltzed out of the bathroom holding my prize (Edward looked jealous...but he's such a sissy when it comes to running in there full-force. He's much more of a casual tipper of the trash.). My person looked at the trash on the floor and back at me. I motioned in Edward's direction but the Q-tip sticking out of my mouth limited my movement. My person looked at Edward. He yawned.
By that time it was too late. I was already ripping the cotton end to shreds.
I also made a discovery this morning: the box of Q-tips is kept on the shelf above the toilet. It's awfully easy to knock on the floor and steal some non-used (and therefore more delicious) ones.
The best part is that I can blame the trash-tipping and Q-tip litter on Edward. I'll just hang some cotton bits from his mouth before my tip-and-steal is executed.
January 25th 2009 8:42 am
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So much has happened to me in the last few months and I couldn't convince my person to update. She says that she's been busy. I finally started jumping on her head every morning, sitting on the keyboard, and licking her lunch until she got the message. I think the final straw was when she caught me eating out of the ice cream lid. That's when she knew I meant business.
To catch you all up - I've been visiting with Edward, Mr. M's cat. Remember him? The cat that couldn't stand me? Well, now we're like BFFs. I groom him, he grooms me, I teach him to pull down the shower curtain, open the cupboards, and make a ruckus so the people feed us earlier, dump out the trash, and break the blinds in Mr. M's house so we can look through them...well, you get the idea.
See, all of this happened because my person had to go back to Michigan for the holidays. She didn't want to bring me because she was flying on a plane. I don't even know what that is, but I was all pumped to get a vacation from her. I mean, she feeds me and all, but I can only take so much of her cutting my nails, brushing my fur, and telling me to stop doing stuff. In any case, Mr. M volunteered to take me and Edward back to his parent's place for the holidays. That's when I really got to know Edward. Even though he's only a little older than me, I figured out how to push his buttons.
My person and Mr. M went to visit Mr. M's parents back in Norman, OK last weekend. Of course they brought Edward and me along (I overheard my person saying something along the lines of "If we leave the cats here overnight, we will come back to a pile of ashes"). So they put my harness on and locked Edward in his carrier and away we went.
Well...somehow the back door to the parent's house blew open in the middle of the night on our second evening there. I looked around to make sure everyone was sleeping and carefully snuck outside. It was amazing! So many leaves to chase, so many sticks to chew on, shadows to pounce at...you get the idea. And then there's Edward, who was standing in the doorway too chicken to come outside. He thought we might get in trouble.
I only had to call him a few names and bat down a huge leaf or two before he took his first steps outside. That was the last I saw of him. He bolted straight under the bushes. I think he was scared of getting caught or something. I tried to get him to play with me but that didn't work - he just sat there, all wide-eyed and scared.
So, well, eventually I got bored and cold. My fur was all messed up from the wind, too, so I decided to go inside to get some grooming done so no one would see the dried leaves in my fur when they woke up. To my surprise, Mr. M's mother was awake. I carefully tiptoed around the living room and jumped on the couch. She didn't notice where I came from.
She did, however, notice that it was really cold inside the house. She went to the back door. To her surprise it was wide open. She started looking for us cats. I put on my best innocent face as she walked by me. I don't even think she noticed. I even meowed Edward's name just to solidify the blame.
She started searching for Edward under all of the beds and couches. Nothing. Mr. M and my person were still sleeping (it was still dark outside). She finally woke them up and told them what was going on. Mr. M and my person got out of bed, put on their clothes, and started searching for Edward.
I just watched this whole thing go down. I knew that cat would come back in eventually (you should have SEEN how terrified he was!). I thought I would help by sneaking back outside but I was caught heading to the door. Oh well.
In any case, I tried watching from the window. I saw a bunch of people out there with flashlights calling Edward's name. I figured he was hiding - after all, a cat like Edward wouldn't come when he's called. He would be too afraid to get in trouble. He seriously needs to practice his smooth-ness skills.
Eventually Mr. M and my person heard Edward rustling between the wooden fence and the chain-link. He had gone through a little hole in the wooden side and was crawling between the fences. He bolted out of the hole, across the yard, along the fence, and back inside the open door. I've never seen that cat run so fast in my life!
He didn't talk to me for two whole days.
I, on the other hand, kept a very close eye on the back door.
When we got back to Stillwater, my person surprised Mr. M and Edward with a new collar and ID tag for him. It doesn't match his fur at all. Edward says he thinks it makes him look older. I think it makes him look like a wuss. Orange cats shouldn't wear white collars with blue and brown dots. Still...he refuses to take it off. I guess if he learned anything from this whole experience, it was to ignore me every once in a while.
Now he doesn't have an excuse for sneaking outside, though. He can't get lost any more. I'm keeping a careful eye on the doors here now. Until, then, though, I'll just keep teaching Edward the careful art of manipulating people and perfecting my ninja-like skills