February 21st 2006 6:52 pm
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My mother is EVIL!!! She tried to drown me and that's the truth!!!
It was a day like any other...I was hoping down from the dryer after having a bite to eat (it was really tasty food, by the way) when out of NOWHERE she grabbed me!!! We wrestled for a minute and then she pinned me and started taking my toes one by one! I kept hearing "SNIP, SNIP, SNIP". It didn't hurt, but I knew what she was doing. She was cutting my claws and I don't appreciated it. Doesn't she know that I USE them on a REGULAR BASIS? I mean, how does she think the chair in the corner got that beautiful frayed look? CLAWS LADY CLAWS!!!
Anyways, she had a pretty good hold on me so she managed to get them all. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy. But I was ready for her put me down so I could go over to the scratching post and start working on them again. But she didn't put me down. Instead she took me into the kitchen and put me in the sink. I thought "WOW!! I NEVER get to be up here, wonder if there is any good food up here" then it happened. WATER...WATER EVERYWHERE!!! ALL OVER ME!!!! Is this woman CRAZY? Does she not remember I am a CAT and avoid water at all costs??? But she didn't stop! I think she was trying to drown me! So, I fought back. That's right, I flung my sopping wet body at her until we were both soaking from head to toe. I mean if I'm going to be wet better we ALL be wet together, right? Well, it didn't take long for my evil mother to realize that she was fighting a losing battle. SO, she finally stopped trying to drown me and wrapped me up in towels. I think she felt bad...and she should!!! I mean, how RUDE!!
But, the evil woman didn't stop there! Next she took me into the bathroom and shut the door. Then she pointed this thing that looked like a gun at me!!! I shouted "DON'T SHOOT" and it BLASTED me with cold air!!!! She has gone completely insane! Now she is trying to blow all of my hair off!!!!! What is with this crazy lady????? Finally she realized that wasn't going to work either and gave up. I high tailed it out of there as soon as the door opened!!!
A little later I was walking around reveling in my victory when I noticed a handsome fellow walk by me. I stopped to take a look thinking to myself "now THAT is one hansome guy" and then I realized it was me!!!!! That evil woman was totally unsuccessful in her quest to drown/freeze me to death!!! HA! Score one for me! Make that score TWO for me because I looked SO GOOD doing it!!!
Dang I'm good......
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