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Cat tales by Tailer

What were they thinking???

Did you hear that Catster made Chopper a Diary pick of the day? What were they thinking???? That little twerp can't write a diary to save his life!!! He isn't very smart so his entries go something like this..."Today I ate food. It was good".

OK OK, so I don't know that FOR SURE since he doesn't let me read his diary, but I'm pretty sure I'm right. hrmpf.

I'm going to go nurse on my cow now, maybe it will improve my mood.

Tailer

She's EVIL and she is trying to DROWN ME!!!

My mother is EVIL!!! She tried to drown me and that's the truth!!!

It was a day like any other...I was hoping down from the dryer after having a bite to eat (it was really tasty food, by the way) when out of NOWHERE she grabbed me!!! We wrestled for a minute and then she pinned me and started taking my toes one by one! I kept hearing "SNIP, SNIP, SNIP". It didn't hurt, but I knew what she was doing. She was cutting my claws and I don't appreciated it. Doesn't she know that I USE them on a REGULAR BASIS? I mean, how does she think the chair in the corner got that beautiful frayed look? CLAWS LADY CLAWS!!!

Anyways, she had a pretty good hold on me so she managed to get them all. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy. But I was ready for her put me down so I could go over to the scratching post and start working on them again. But she didn't put me down. Instead she took me into the kitchen and put me in the sink. I thought "WOW!! I NEVER get to be up here, wonder if there is any good food up here" then it happened. WATER...WATER EVERYWHERE!!! ALL OVER ME!!!! Is this woman CRAZY? Does she not remember I am a CAT and avoid water at all costs??? But she didn't stop! I think she was trying to drown me! So, I fought back. That's right, I flung my sopping wet body at her until we were both soaking from head to toe. I mean if I'm going to be wet better we ALL be wet together, right? Well, it didn't take long for my evil mother to realize that she was fighting a losing battle. SO, she finally stopped trying to drown me and wrapped me up in towels. I think she felt bad...and she should!!! I mean, how RUDE!!

But, the evil woman didn't stop there! Next she took me into the bathroom and shut the door. Then she pointed this thing that looked like a gun at me!!! I shouted "DON'T SHOOT" and it BLASTED me with cold air!!!! She has gone completely insane! Now she is trying to blow all of my hair off!!!!! What is with this crazy lady????? Finally she realized that wasn't going to work either and gave up. I high tailed it out of there as soon as the door opened!!!

A little later I was walking around reveling in my victory when I noticed a handsome fellow walk by me. I stopped to take a look thinking to myself "now THAT is one hansome guy" and then I realized it was me!!!!! That evil woman was totally unsuccessful in her quest to drown/freeze me to death!!! HA! Score one for me! Make that score TWO for me because I looked SO GOOD doing it!!!

Dang I'm good......
Tailer

What IS that thing??

So the other day my mom and dad came home with something new. I knew it was something interesting, but they wouldn't let me in the room to see it. Later on in the day, I managed to get in the room...I walked into the bathroom (where my food and litterbox used to be) and....WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT THING???????

I wasn't too sure what it was, but I knew I didn't like it. I didn't see it again for a few days, but I couldn't get in the room to investigate. Mom and dad were keeping the door closed. This didn't make me very happy. You see, my cow was in the room. You know, the cow I like to nurse on? What was I going to do??? FINALLY, my dad wised up and brought the cow out in to the living room. I walked right over to that cow and started nursing on it. Man....after I got my fix, I felt much better!

Anyways, I finally got to see what it was they brought home. Turns out it's a kitten. Pesky little thing, if you ask me. Purrs ALL THE TIME. Boy was I pissed at mom and dad and I let them know it too! Everytime that little kitten was around and they picked me up to give me hugs and kisses, I growled and hissed. I'm pretty sure they knew I wasn't very happy with the situation. But, what I soon learned is that he smaller than me. ..and I can ALWAYS beat him at Smackdown. I like to run up behind him and flatten him under my belly. His little legs flail all over the place! He usually gives me a bite or two, but it doesn't hurt. I just keep him pinned down until he cries uncle. Boy is that fun!!!! But, mom butts in every once in a while. She says I am a little too rough on him. I guess she doesn't remember what it was like for me when I first came to live with them. Dumb and Dumber were always ganging up on me.

Now that he has been around for a few weeks, I'm learning to like him. I mean, having a kid brother isn't too bad. I know that mom and dad still love me...they tell me so all the time. I think I'll let him stay...for now.

I'll let you know how things progress...
Meow for now!
Tailer