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Elise's Purrfect Tales

About the hospital, Tinker Bell, Mommy & Muslims

Hello Catster Friends,
I hope that all of you had a fun summer. Ours was not very good. Mommy went into the hospital on June 30th and was sick most of the summer from a bacterial infection she caught in the hospital!

This was all the fault of my stupid brother Toby. Toby is a big fat cat and he had a Vet appointment and would not let Mommy put him in the carrier. Trying to hold Toby with one hand and close the cover of the carrier with the other is like trying to stuff a wiggling elephant into a zip loc bag. Although Mommy started trying to catch Toby 45 minutes before his appointment it just wasn't working. Daddy Shrek has no patience with this sort of thing so as the appointment time approached and Toby hid under Mommy's dresser, Daddy decided to get the vacuum cleaner and scare Toby out. That did get Toby out but just as Mommy was about to stuff him in the carrier he bit Mommy very hard and badly scratched her.

Now Mommy has been in animal rescue for 43 years and she has been bitten by dogs, feral cats and even a possum and she always says that it is no big deal. This time Mommy said it was a big deal. I was supervising the whole thing and it just looked like the usual punctures and lots of deep scratches. Mommy is a pro at that. Big deal! Mommy kept complaining about the pain and Toby never did go to the Vet.

The next morning Mommy's right arm was twice as big as the left one so she went to the doctor. Mommy had to be hospitalized immediately for blood poisoning and she was not happy. It was a Saturday so no rooms were available so Mommy spent the night in emergency and then was put in pediatrics in the Tinker Bell room.

Mommy had a nice big very clean room all to herself with free TV-not bad. The only other person staying in pediatrics was a little boy about 11 years old who had an operation on his leg. He had a cast on his leg and an IV and twice a day he walked past Mommy's room with his IV stand. Mommy felt bad for him because he was always alone so she would wave and smile at him. The little boy would just look at Mommy sullenly and keep walking. Mommy didn't think much of it. After all it was summer and this little boy was in the hospital.

Some time later the little boy passed her window and his cast was off and he was walking much better so she gives him the V for Victory sign and a big smile. When he passed that evening he had a woman with him whom Mommy assumed was his mother. She had on a burka so must have been Muslim. As they pass Mommy's window the woman starts to frantically tap on it so Mommy goes to the open doorway to see what she wants. To Mommy's shock the woman starts yelling at Mommy and repeating the words "American Devil!". Now Sister Arlene has been called a lot of things but never a devil of any nationality so she is very angry.

The problem that Mommy has is she doesn't speak this woman's language and except for "American Devil" this woman doesn't seem to speak or understand English. A mature person would just let this entire thing go and just walk away but remember Sister Arlene has been staying in the Tinker Bell room just a little too long. Mommy realizes that insulting words won't work so she decides on insulting gestures. The only thing that she can think to do is stick her tongue out, put her thumbs in her ears and wiggle her fingers at the woman while chanting repeatedly "Bubble bubble toil and trouble" in her best Halloween witchy voice.

To Mommy's horror the woman starts to scream which brings the nurses running and 2 of Mommy's infection specialists who were just entering pediatrics to visit her. One of them just happened to be Muslim. They all start questioning the both of them about what happened. To Mommy's embarrassment, she has to repeat the school yard gesture along with the chanting in front of them. The Americans are having a hard time keeping a straight face but the Muslim doctor actually starts to reprimand Mommy but she won't have any of that. She lectures the doctor on Muslim lack of civility in this country and explains that the child who is keeping silent knows perfect English because she has heard him speak it to the nurses. She then told the doctor to tell THAT woman that if she is the devil then she will meet her in hell which is where she is going.

Mommy then stamped back to her room as majestically as she could with a giant arm, an IV stand and a hospital gown with the back half open.

Well, Catster friends, I don't think Mommy will ever be chosen as a diplomat and that is OK with all of us. Sister Arlene is no bargain as a caretaker in that she forgets lots of things but Daddy Shrek is even worse and he doesn't even have holes in his head!

Error #4

Hi Catster Friends,
This is really a comment that I tried to write in answer to my dear friends who commented on my diary but error #4 wouldn't let me and was making Mommy Holes in the Head crazier. We decided to just write another diary and see if THIS works. It wouldn't even let us delete the errors!

You are absolutely right, Zoey, kitties should get Sociable Security too. Mommy says that human governments are corrupt so we must have our own government to get it. I think our Angels should be our government. We have many senior kitties like Jezebel who are eligible.
Gunnar T, we didn't get anything special for Easter dinner because Mommy and daddy went out. Fat Mommy Holes in the Head ate all of her shrimp and didn't even bring any home to us! Skinny Daddy who has never ever finished a meal still has his steak sitting in the fridge but hasn't offered any to us! What rotten parents!

Love,
Elise
xoxo

Sociable Security

Hello Catster Friends,

Genny and I want to thank everyone who sent us Easter giftees and greetings. It's so nice that although we aren't on as much as we would like so many kitties remember us and Mommy Holes in the head. Thank you.

There were big doings in the Sphikas house on Easter. Daddy Shrek Actually took Mommy Sister Arlene out to eat! The only problem was because the meal cost more than donuts Mommy had to pay for it. Mommy started to collect Sociable Security this year. That is given to old people by the government people.

I had to figure it all out on my own. I think it is called Sociable so the government ensures that old people will have friends and not be lonely. No one will want to hang out with an old person who has no money. They can now also gather at old people places together and hopefully do nice things and not get into gangs and get in trouble.

I also think they get money because the government people are so happy that the old people like Mommy Holes in the Head are still good at something! Mommy isn't good at anything any more. She is clumsy when she walks and Daddy says she talks like Porky Pig. It takes her forever to say anythng and it doesn't make sense. When she finishes Daddy says "Th th th that's all folks." Mommy either laughs or hits him on the side of the head and tells him to "shut up". How rude of Sister Arlene!

Anyway I think that the government people are so happy when they see that old people like Mommy are still good at something-growing old- that they clap their hands and write out checks for them to celebrate this great accomplishment.

So that is that and I figgered it out all by myself. Hooray for me and Sociable Security and old people!