1 YEAR SINCE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LEFT ME

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May 12th 2012 11:35 pm
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Oh my, this is so very hard to type. I still can’t believe I am really typing this. I can’t believe it has been a year since My Sweet Adam left me that terrible day. I am still stuck on that day and that time 3:15 when I heard that terrible scream and He was gone. Time has not helped in fact it just makes things worse, I still cry at strange times, I see something that reminds me of Adam and I cry. I wake up in the middle of the night hearing that sound and start to cry. This has been so very hard on me and I know My heart will never mend, this pain will never go away or ease. There is a huge hole in my Heart that will never close.

I look back all the time thinking what if I did
What if I could go back and do things over, better than I did.

WHAT IF
WHAT IF

It is the little things I miss,
I miss him yowling at the door.
I miss him waking me up in the middle of the night saying Mommy wake up I AM HUNGRY!
I miss those big BEAUTIFUL eyes looking at me first thing in the morning.
I miss him walking in my room with his nails clicking on the floor, nobody else did that, I knew he was in there.
I miss him purring when I would walk in the room and sit with him or hold him.
I miss him grunting when I petted him.
I miss holding MY BABY.
I miss kissing those Babboo Lips, that I long to kiss right now.
I miss him kissing me, he was such a good kisser.
I miss taking him for walks.
I miss so many more things.
I MISS ADAM.

I know he is in a better place, I know he is out of pain, healthy and young and he has his little toe back, but it still does not help me with this pain I am in.

Adam, MY LOVE,
I still can’t believe you are gone. I am so sorry I could not save you, I tried so very hard. I am so sorry I let you down. I am so sorry I can’t handle this better. I am so sorry you have to see me this way. I know you have come to visit me, I felt you here. I know you are trying to heal my heart. You have taught me so much, You taught me to LOVE again. You gave so much to me and you still are giving to me with all the signs you send to me. Oh MY LOVE, there is so much I want to say but I can’t see for all the tears falling. You were such a big part of me and now all I feel is numb and empty inside. Of all days for this to fall on, Mother’s Day, it just hits me harder. But, any day would be hard. Coming to this day, was so hard for me, I knew I had to write a diary for you.

My LOVE, I can’t type any more.

One day WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN, then just maybe my tears will end and all there will be left is Happiness & Joy, because once again We are together again. Until then MY LOVE.

I LOVE YOU ADAM SO SO VERY MUCH.

MOMMY

Purred by: Angel Soc (Mommy's sweetheart) (Catster Member)

May 13th 2012 at 6:32 am

Adams mommy,this is soc's mommy here, please believe me when i say i really do understand how you are feeling,i feel the same way too,our darling boys have left us and the hurt just wont go away, you are not alone and my heart goes out to you
((hugs)) and much love sandra xx

Purred by: Rex (Catster Member)

May 13th 2012 at 9:50 am

My heart goes out to you sweet Adam's momcat. I know how hard it is for you. I am sending purrs and hugs to you.

Love Rex

Purred by: Zeke (Catster Member)

May 13th 2012 at 3:03 pm

You are not alone! it never gets easier, you just learn to accept and know they are in a better place...time does heal in some ways, but not completely...we are sorry your Mom is still so sad...our heart goes out to your Mom...

Sending you love, hugs and butterflies from heaven.
QT

Purred by: Jasper (Catster Member)

May 13th 2012 at 3:44 pm

Sending you a ton of love and purrs at this tough time, Christy. Our Mom knows the pain you're feeling. It was a year ago in April when she held Onyx for the last time and stroked her gently while the vet helped her to the Bridge. I'm sure Adam Dylan wishes he could give you some whisker kisses to make you feel better, but know that he's waiting for you just as Onyx is waiting for us.

Purred by: Sally Maria (Mama's Angel) (Catster Member)

May 13th 2012 at 7:52 pm

Christy, I am so sorry that it still hurts so much. I guess it's a measure of how special yours and Adam's relationship was. He was your little furry soulmate and, when you lose them, it's not something that you get over quickly. My Sally Maria has been gone for 7 months and it's even harder now than it was then and I chose the time that she would start her journey. Adam left you suddenly and it's almost like you are without closure, not that it would have been any easier if his leaving had been your decision. Your boy was taken from you abruptly and you never got to say good bye properly. That's a wound that will never fully heal. I've always said that we don't get used to them being gone, we just grow numb to the pain. I wish I knew the way to take your pain away, but all I can say is that you and Adam are still very much in our hearts and prayers. We love you both very much.

Love & Hugs,
Sally Maria Angel & her mama

Purred by: ♥Buddy♥ My Angel (Catster Member)

September 23rd 2012 at 6:30 pm

Christy I lost my soulmate, Buddy, almost four years and there are times I still cry..but I have also learned to smile again when I think of him or look at one of his many pictures. It took me a very long time to get to where i am...I think it was when I decided that Buddy would have been forever running to me and licking my tears away and he couldn't do that anymore but would come to visit me in dreams, letting me know he is doing good and is forever with me, that I knew I could go on and finally smile and laugh in remembrance from the many memories I have of Buddy..and you will too, Christy, in time...and never feel it is wrong to laugh and smile when thinking back, just remember how it felt to be with Adam at the time the memory was being made...and you know what, Adam will be right there along side you smiling away in remembrance, too...the pain has less hold of my heart now, but there are good days and sad days, and yes, I still cry also...they were our babies who loved us without reservation and without expecting anything in return. Our babies filled our days with sunshine and our nights with sweet slumber...it's alright for each of us to grief and love in our own way...just had to share a little with you, Christy, the road does get a little easier in time especially when we relize that where ever we go, our Angels go with us, we are never away from them...

Hugs
Buddy and Meowmy (Mary)