December 20th 2011 12:51 am
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This is Christy,
First off I want to apologize AGAIN, for not THANKING YOU GUYS for sending us gifts. I am just a BAD TERRIBLE PERSON! My mind is just crazy still, I am still crazy so PLEASE FORGIVE ME! We do appreciate all the gifts and I don’t know why I can’t do this and for making Puff & Little One’s pictures for their DOTD honors. I feel so guilty for not doing this.
I can’t believe it has been 220 days and now over 7 months since MY BABY left me. I am still having such a very hard time with this, I don’t know why this has just hit me like a ton of bricks and I CAN’T move from Friday May 13TH at 3:15 when He left me. That day haunts me , I see those last few moments of him and what happened, I can’t get that sound he made when he left out of my mind. I can’t sleep at all, I stay up till 6 in the morning, I have to be so sleepy so I can’t think when I do get to bed. Then if I do go to sleep I dream of him dying, no good dreams at all. I don’t understand why I can’t have good dreams about him. I have had a few strange dreams about him and I will tell you about them in another diary . I would like to see what you guys think what they mean.
I have got my Guys to sing again, but it is so sad to come here, it seems like all of our Sweet Furiends are leaving too , which just brings me back to that day again. I cry all the time , it’s just the person I am, I can’t change how I feel or act. I LOVE with ALL MY HEART and when Adam left, my heart went too. I try to occupy my mind by playing Farmville, that helps some, but I just don’t want to get out or do anything. I write in my diary every night to Adam and then my other diary of what I did with my girls, which I feel like I am a bad mommy now, because I don’t play with them like I should. They stay with me and everywhere I go they go. They do stay in my lap and I am trying, but this is just killing me. I hate to whine, I know there are so many here that knows my pain and has been or going thru it right now. I am just a very sensitive person , I have always been this way. I know Adam would not want me to do this, but then he would understand too, he knew me so well.
I have been writing this for weeks now, every time I start, I cry. I can’t believe I can’t celebrate Adam’s Meowday with him. I can’t sing to him and I can’t give him a present. My Adam will not get his Arby’s roast beef sandwich, he always got one for his meowday, HE LOVES them. This is so very hard on me. I will go to his grave today and I will sing to Adam, it is going to rain hard, even the sky is crying because Adam is gone.
Adam, I miss you so much, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, it is just not the same. I want to type more, but the tears are falling again. I just want to pick you up and kiss you and sing to you and hold you and never let go. One day I will my Sweetheart, I know you are waiting for me. I just can’t believe you are gone and I can’t hold you and kiss you. One day I will until then MY LOVE , HAPPY MEOWDAY ADAM. Mommy LOVES YOU so VERY MUCH.
Purrs & MUCH LOVE,
You are not a bad "mommy". I know that sadness...It does stay with you for a long time. Natasha was given her wings just over three weeks ago....I miss her terribly but she had a good life with us. I am happy that we had so much time together and she didn't have many medical problems until the last two and half years. She gave me comfort when it was needed. She never complained about the meals. She lived a good life without worrying about her next meal or being cold. I still miss her and cry but it is for me and not her. She couldn't stay here any more. She did what she could and her body couldn't. Yes, you can be sad...but cherish the time you had.
I can imagine how bad it would have been if she wasn't here when I needed her.
You must feel the same about Adam. We can't keep them forever which is
hard. I know that Natasha would be comforting me now if she could as Adam could do for you. Alex is doing his best by purring like she did by my head.
Try to reach out to your others and they may surprise you. I feel bad now that I have ignored Alex so much in the last two years. Natasha took all of my time and emotion. He was an amazing cat and would not want you to be sad but be glad that you met........Now, go give your others some hugs......Sharon
Here is my MamaCat...
Honey, we love you and Adam loved you and still does. My heart is hurting for you. If the tears I am crying after reading this Diary entry are worth anything... they are sending love and comfort to you Dear Lady.
Having a sweet sensitive soul is nothing to apologize for being blessed with, as I too understand that. I was always told I was too tenderhearted. How can we ever be "too much" of that? We are who we are and it is wonderful.
I believe there are a special few of our cats we are blessed to care for throughout our lifetime that are totally in-tune with us. I can give you the names of mine that I will never stop missing and loving and feeling them close to my face. Their pictures are in front of me here at my work desk and they are looking at me. I can look at them and smile.
I, like you, hesitate to tell people because they say 'it is just a cat'. No. It was not an 'it'. Those cats made me who I am through the love we shared.
We are blessed to be sensitive and blessed we have our special 'loves'.
That special bond is not there with any of my current cats but I love them the same. They need me and I need them. They are there for me so in turn I am always there for them.
Take the cats you have now and cherish them. They are not Adam, but they need you as much. Adam would want that too. Don't let your sorrow take your life away. If you do then Adam loses. He gave you life :)
I love you. Please visit me here in pawmail or at fb private message, on my or Plate's page, whenever you need to. We can also trade emails and addresses.
Sending you air huggs...
I'm right there with you. The color's gone from life since my little man, handsome Alex, left me. I can honestly say that if there was a "love-of-my-life," he (& his sisfur Annie) was it. Somehow, though, I have to try to be positive for Bugsy--he has love to offer. I have faith that we both--you & I--have happy chapters still to come in our lives. Hang in there!
Healing purrs to you and your furmily.
Sending you lots of purrs.
Sending purrs and hugs to you. Never apologize for loving Adam so much.
Sending hugs and prayers to you. Adam held a big piece of your heart, my heart aches for my Sammie so badly. Thinking of you with love!
Ms Christy, don't you worry about roast beef sandwiches.We have them here at the bridge. What ever we want and no tummy aches.
Now when you have a big heart, there is always room to love another furry furiend. That's what my mamma says. When I left,well I left a big hole. But the other kitties started filling it up. Who could resist gentle,purrty,princess Molly or funny bunny Macy? They got more time to shine. Your other kitties can shine for you now. They want to make you happy too.
Sprinkling angel dust on you and sending purrs,
MY DEAR SWEET FRIEND, CHRISTY....
I KNOW YOUR PAIN AND HOW HARD THIS IS ON YOU. YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN. NO ONE CAN TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL OR WHAT TO DO. JUST REMEMBER YOU ARE A GOOD "MOMMY". YOU AND ALL YOUR BABIES ARE LUCKY TO HAVE EACH OTHER. ADAM AND ALL OF THE GIRLS KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM AND ALWAYS WILL. THEY ALL LOVE YOU TOO AND SO DO WE.
LINDA, OREO AND THE WILLIAMS FURS
PLATELICKER! Right on!~
OH Misha Angel, I could NOT have said it better myself! All your Angel furiends shine upon you!
Of course Adam has yummy huge roasty beefy sandwiches here! Me 'n Misha made a couple BIG fat juicy Beefy samwiches for Adam!! Don't you worry,Mommy Christy! WE got it goin' on up here! Adam is not sad now, so why should you be? Yes, mom know's very well how heartbreaking it is to be without me. I was her soul mate also. Always there is ONE spawcial kitty in a mommy's life
that share's that never forgotten happiness, joy, life's all time love's with them! I did all of that, mommy said I was THAT spawcial! Bringing her all the joys one kitty could offer! When she helped me to the bridge, I was thankful, no more pain, no more sorrow. But, I was only 5. FIP got me down. Mommy cried for months and still does! We feel for you, mom~! Here at our house, we are considered furry soft 'n big hearted too. But when mommy was in such terrible pain, I guided her, because it was time she found another great kitty to love. That's when she found MILO. Can you imagine? Mom's heart opened up so wide with so much love for that lil guy!~ Big blue eyes 'n flame points? The loudest purrs efur! WE know you love all your pawsome kitfurs! They are there to lighten the sadness. Now look what my mommy did~ She got MALLEE too! That gurly gurl, mom says she just fills her heart with love galore~! Yes your other babies want to make you happy. They can tell when you feel bad 'n it effects them also. You are a furry good person, Mommy Christy, purrlease don't feel bad! We love you and always will. Think good, happy thoughts 'n memories, that is what will give you all the strength you need to pull through this. WE will help you! Adam love's you furry mush!~
Adam is smiling! LOOK!~
Many lovable purrs 'n angel hugs,
Baby Boy Blue
Beautiful comments Smokey Joe :)
Hello Adam's Mommy, I am Platelicker's angel sispurr. I want you to know that we love Adam as much if not more than you do. Adam is so sweet and loving. He said he gets that from you :)
He has a kind heart and with us welcomes new angels coming over the Bridge every day. He is one of the first to wrap his beautiful wings around each one. He is so healthy as we all are now. He enjoys every minute and he so wants you to do the same because he feels sad when you are blue.
He visits you a lot to give you strength. Take that strength from your Adam and put it to use in your life. That will make Adam even happier :)
soft angel huggs...
What Platelicker and everyone else said! My heart is still not healed from Mr. Sam leaving.... but we must go on.... remember the love of Adam and your friends! We love you!