October 1st 2013 7:14 am
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Two HEWJ angels are primping in the Angel Locker Room in Hevvin. Wunna them sez to the othir-- "Tee Hee-- does my robe look OK?" The othir Angel ansurz "Giggle Giggle -- The stock market pages look GOOD on yoo!! and wottabowt MY robez?" "Othir Angel sez "LOL- Yoo are waring da Fashunabull Want ads!!!" (They are wearing NEWSSPAPERS so that they can LEND their Sparkly roabes for a SPESHUL SPESHUL Occasino!!! They are WISE not to wear da Sports Paiges -- St Pete wudd turn PURPULL if his beloved Sports Pagez wus missing!!! But the Stock MArket. The want ads? Who needs em Up In heaven, eh???) SUDDENLY...
A liddle fat kid wif tiny wingz zoooms in and sez "IT's TIME!!" Da angels GRAB their HEWJ sparkly tablecloths (their REAL robes!!) and two HEWJ pakkajis and Run owta da rume, giggggling. Meenwhile.......
Saint Big Bad Baby Twinkle is sitting all plump and happy and furry and smiiiling (look—she has All her toofies!) on da flore, and she iz surrowndid by fat fuzzy spiky tailed KITTINS who are wiggling and rolling on da flore, their phat fuzzeebellies jiggling becuz they are laffing becuz BBBT iz regaling them wif ALLA her Adbenchurs! (“Da Gyiant Wabbits, and Don Don and Vito, and Da Spaiss Alyeens, Da Mobbie Star Doggger Sophia, Da PYRRITS-aargh!! and da …huuhhhh! INBIZZIBILITY POESHUN!!”). Dis is gud becuz summa dem kittins came to Hevvin WAAY before their time….sigh… but St BBBT iz makin em Giggul and laff and purrrrrr!!!
***But WATE!! Suddenly there are SCILLIONS of kitties as far as da I can see! Big wuns, phat wuns, skinny wuns—eyes aprkling in Hevvins light, and they part to make way for --- TWO Anjels carrying sparkly roabs and… a HEWJ BURFDAY CAIK FOR BEE BEE BEE TEEE! Yes. Tewday wudda been her 18th Burfday on dis Urth!!
****They spread their sparkly robes on da table and say “It’s OKIE DOKIE FOR EVERYKITTY to JUMP ON DIS TABLE!!!” The caik (Mmmm!! Pouncie flavored layer caik wif Pownss Icing!!!) iz placed in the center of da table and dis caik has 18 SPARKLY LIGHTS on it! STARS FRUM DA HEVVINS!! (Meenwhile on Urth, Astronomers are going crazy – (“What happened to Alpha Centauri? And da Constellation Leo??? And part of da Milky Way iz missing!!??”)
*******BBBT sits at da hedd of da table. Wunna dem Angels comes over and sez “I hab a message frum yor Meowmie!” And wif dat, da Anjel TWEAKS BBBT’s BUTTIUSS and makes FOG-HORN NOYZZIZ!!! MOL!! MOL!!
********Da Uthir pakkige iz opined and in it are SCILLIONS of.. KAT Toys!!! The angels are wize enuff to plaiss dem toys on da FLORE!!! Heavenly bedlam ensues. BBBT takes da FIRST BITE outta dat caik and everywun sellebraites.
*****On Urth, Meowmie waiks up and sez “I hope dem angels got my messij…oh look—it’s 3 am and DA SUN IS OWT?? Hmm.. strainj, but nice. HAPPY BURFDAY MY BELOVED BEE BEE BEE TEE!!!!”
September 4th 2013 9:41 am
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St. BBBT lies on her Cloud Bed-- Oh what a thick beautiful SOFT HUGE cozy Cloud Bed!! ....... Then A liddle voyss sez: "What's wrong wif dis piksha?"
St Pete hides his face behind the sports page (wassa matta-- the Angels lose?) Heavenly angels ALL decide to suddenly go SHOPPING! Vroom - they're gone. And..then... we....see.....
A line of irate kitties standing on each side of that HEWJ Cloud Bed. Big ones, little ons, skiiinny and PHAAT ones... tapping their feet, their paws on their skiinny or ampul hippiusses, giving BBBT da STINKEYE. ONE of da kitties sez:
"OK YOO MISCREANT!! We want our Cloud Beddies back!!!"
Tsk Tsk BBBT........
Meenwhile ALLA dem ticked off Kats TIIILT da Cloud Bed conglomeration and BBBT flops outta dat HEWJ bed and goes right thru a CLOWD!! Egads!!
Meanwhile on Earth a liddle Child sez ”LOOK Mommy!! In da sky!!! A Shooting Star? A UFO? WHAT IZ dat!”
And the mama sez “Oh dat’s just a Full Moon”
Will BBBT EVER realize that THERE IS Justice in Heaven???
The kitties, muttering invectives, drag their newly reclaimed Cloud beds back into their rooms. Except for one kitty hoo has been watching this DRAMA. THAT kittie shrugz its showlderz and sez “So what’s wrong wif a NICE cardboard bokks, eh???”
Meanwhile, BBBT, hoo has been Climbing Da Stairway Bakk To Hevvin (“oof! Ooof!”) sez “OK,, wat’s to EEET, hmmm? (Heh Heh Heh!!) Oy, cats!!! TIME TO GUARD YOUR FOODIES!!!
August 29th 2013 7:44 am
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Saint BBB Twinkle pittypats over to the Gazing Window in Hevvin. She looks down at the Earth and SMIIILES and PURRRS as she sees her Meowmie!! Then she looks at all the pritty pritty flowahs on HER Balkonie, especially the Portulacas (Mowmies’ favorite flowah!!) and the GARDENIAS! (BBBT’s FAVRIT Flowah Forever!)
She sees her liddle urn sweetly reposing in her comfy beddie, and then…
She… sees.. CeeCee, hoo has just been given a MEOW-VELUSS Beeoooty Parlor Session from Meowmie, and hoo is rite now strutting and wiggling on her windowsill saying “Oh Boy Cats! Yoo Hoo! Hello!!”.. and… OH!! Did we just hear St BBB Twinkle HISSING???? Oh deer….
Then Saint BBB Twinkle syruptisshussly pittypats over to “DA WINDOW DAT SHUDD NEVER EVER BE OPENED!!”, looks to da rite and to da left and sloowly opens it. We heer not only hinges creaking but Angels Ska-reeming!! BBBT looks thru da window and her eyes get REEEL BIIG and her hairfurs POOOF out. And then she RUNNNS to St Pete ska-reeming : “OMC!! OMC!! Hoo is dat guy in da Red Pajamas!!!?”
St Pete slaps da side of his heed and sez to himself “Yeesh!!! I gotta put up wit dis for ETERNITY???!!” Then he gently sez “Get on my lap, BBBT and I will tell yoo all abowt dis (and.. St. Michael better get dat window NAILED shut fer shure!!)” ‘”Pop! Pop! Pop! Rip! Rip!” Rip! BOOM” BBBT climes up St Pete’s robes and sits on his lap wif a SMIIILE… MEANWHILE……
Noo arrivals are POUNDING on da gates of Hevvin, but St Pete can only say “I can’t get up rite now—I have a KAT on my lap!!” Many of the NA’s understand, cuz they too wuz Kat Peepul before they got Up Here.
August 23rd 2013 3:57 pm
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Dear Kind Peeps and Sweet Kitties- no one knew that today would be my last day on earth. Everyone thought I had weeks, maybe months ahead of me.
Meowmie SO looked forward to taking me home tonight and she fluffed up my bed and got out my favorite toys, but it was not to be. I faded very suddenly, at the vet's.
Oh how Meowmie and even my vetties CRIED. Even the people behind the reception desk cried. Meowmie held me gently in her arms, thanked me for over 17 years of love mayhem and mischief, kissed me and I purred just a little and my tail waved happily and then the vet so sweetly and kindly gave me Sweet Repose. I THANK all of you for being my Catster Friends!
I hope to use my new Angel Wings to visit you again!
THANK YOU again for being so sweet and kind and wonderful to me. I have loved every single one of you and cherished our freindships.
Until We Meet Again"...you have my
Big Bad Baby Twinkle
Meowmie, don't cry - it will be alright.
August 22nd 2013 10:29 am
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Deer Catster Frennz. Iyam in a caij. There iz an IVY in my laig. I have lostid alot of wate. Wunna my kid knees is very small -- da uthir wun is very big. Everywun luvs me. They gib me meddisins and foodies. I eat summa da foodies, wicch iz better than I wuz doing at hoam.
Meowmie missiz me. She leftid me heer Wednesday -- becuz I had stopped eeting and my back laigs were very weak. She gaib me lotsa kisseeez before she leftid me. Poor Meowmie -- I miss yoo too!!!
I will be heer anudder day. Then I go hoam. Then..... I hurd da vettie wisspurring to Meowmie ove da phoan (we Kats hab gud ears, remembpurr?). She sed "Maybe weeks, maybe months..."
I yam SICK of feeling SICk! I wanna run and playplay on my Kat Tree and bizit my (now fenced-in) balkonie and heer da burdiez and smell da nisse breeziz (Meowmie has promisst me she will carry me there and let me relakks on my plushie chair kushon and tucch da gardeeneea plantz wicch for sum reezon I like to do)), and then I wanna go inside and Snaaarl at Cee Cee, and then eat eat eat!!
Purray for me, pleez..
Yor good frenn, Big Bad Baby Twinkle hoo lubs alla yoo!!!
August 19th 2013 7:54 am
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Well, deer kats and peeps -- I has NOT been eetin too well lately. Meowmie hasta make KatFud Soop and leev it on a propurr plaissmat near my beddie (I spend alot of time in my bed--so WARE IZ MT TEE VEE, Hmmmm?) and I sumtimes get up and slurp some katfood soop. And then Meowmie adds more water and later on I slurp some more. THEN she gottid me Organik raw ground CHEEKUN and I ated a teespoonie of dat.
Uthir than that I sleep and then I get pikkt up and am POAKD WIF A NEEDUL and then warm likwid sliides under my skin and then Meowmie sez: "I hoap yoo feel better, BBBT!" and then I walk around and then I go to my littahbokks and pee.
Meowmie is wurreed. But truth be told, I ALWAYS demand to be brusht EVERY DAY -- and I clime my way to da windohsill and sinss Meowmie reinstalled a BRANN NOO FENSS on da balkonie so we kats doant fall over
or off, I get to sit in MY kushun on MY balkonie chair and I put my heddie into da Gardeeeneeah bushiz nexto da chair and then I fall asleep in da sun and Meowmie watchiz ovur me (getouudaheah Meowmie!!)
Now musst go bakk to sleep. Purrrr....................
August 8th 2013 10:23 am
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Big Bad Baby Twinke GLAAAREES at da puter skreen and sez : "Last nite, I got TRIKKT!!! Meowmie sweet talked me while she puttid drops on my ears (Trankwilizur!!) and then walked up to me and I COULD HEAR DAT KARRIER DOOR CLANKING!! And I tride to pittypat away but she piktt me up (IYAM still hevvy - hahahahahaha!!) and I wiggulld but she wun. Then we wentid into da KAR!! And then...
I Slept in da carrier and Meowmie sed 'OMC!! Either she's dedd or da trankwilizurz workt!' She had sprayed likwid holistic tranks into my carrier and puttid some holistic drops on my ear tips da past few days! They wirked. And then... We gottid to da vetties and they poured me outta da karrier and da vettie sed 'OH!! BBBT iz so TRANKWIL!!' and Meowmie sed 'Don;t let dat lull yoo into complaysnesseee'
.....and THEN abowt five minits into da eggzam, da vettie poaked me and I went.... "SNAAARL!! GROWL!! HISSS! and Meowmie and da Vettie clappt their paws and sed wif DELITE!! 'Oh! She's bakk to normal!!' (DA NURV!!!!) Then da vettie took summa my blud and SubQued me BIG time.... And THEN....I wentid bakk into my carrier and tried to HIT everywun and then we wentid hoam and Meowmie opined da carrier wunss we gottid inside becuz she KNEW ware I was gonna go!
And sure enuff... I pittypatted reeeal fast to da litterbokks. Then I yelled at Meowmie cuz I WUZ HUNGRY!! Then I pikkt at my foodies but they wer ALL EETIN wenn Meowmie woked up da next morning!!!I AM a gud Kat!!"
Pee Ess -- I gained half a pownd! Dat made EVERYWUN happy!!!"
****BBBT smiilez (oh dear, maybe 6 toofies are left???) and kirls up in her plushy beddie and Zzzzzzzzzzzz................... ***
April 3rd 2013 6:31 am
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Da uthir nite, Meowmie caim hoam and greetid me so sweetly and lookt at my littah bokks and sed "OH GOOD!! YOU POOOPED!" (WTC????) and then she put me in da bafrume and shuttid da dore (there iz a litterbokks and water and beddie in there) --- And then... AND THEN... she opined da dore and pikkt me up and put me rear end - buttiuss furst into da CAT CARRIUR!! OMC OMC!!!!
We wentid to da vet!!! Da stoopid cab driver trid to taik Meowmie to da Peepul Hospital and she told mhim _I alreddy told yoou -- da ANIMUL HOSPITAL and turn off da meter!!" But he didint tirn off da meter and Meowmie just took out the extra mileage charges in da tip.
Da Vet Tech lady at da vetties remembpurred me frum wenn I wuz a Blud donor (9 yrs ago!) and she waz verry nisse to me even tho Meowmie sed "She bites, she scratchiz and she hits peepul". So da lady took dat into konsiderayshun and she put a BIIG blakk letthir muzzle wif silver studs on it -- on my faiss!! I asked da lady -- "Do I get a WHIP wif dis?!!Hahahahahahha!" Da muzzull had a biig hole to breathe thru and I was Ack! shually kwite kalm. Then da lady showed Meowmie how to Sub Q me and then wenn DAT wuz dun she STUKK ME IN DA BUTT wif a NEEDUL fulla Auntie Bye-Yottixx!!
(I hab a Bladder infekshun; Meowmie found BLUD in my pees last week, and da Noo vettie saw me last week and she knew ALL abowt my badness, but hahaha I didint hit her but I hitted Meowmie, and then Meowmie took me hoam last week and gaibe me Auntibiotix and I startid frowing them up after the 3rd day -- are you still with me here?)
Ennyways, da Vet Tech was So impressed dat I was such a GUD girl, and then Meowmie puttid me in da carrier, maiking sure her hand wuz outta slapping range but I did GROWL MOST FEERSUMLEE and everywun sed "OOOOH There she goze!!"
Then wenn we gottid hoam, Meowmie flee kombed me and then remuved da peepads and then washed da carrier (I didint do nuttin not even pee or puke - dat's why she was SO happy I had alreddy pooped, hahaha!) And I wentid into Meowmie's rume and I galumphed around and Meowmie sed "OMC!! Lookit dat BIG LIKWID SubQ LUMP on her showlder -- is she gonna be side-hevvy and fall off her Kat Tree?" ...sigh...Moewmies, MeowDads, thankyew for yor konsirns....
Ennyway, she fed me and patted me and da next coupla days I peed a river in da littahbokksis. Meowmie haz da SubQ stuff alreddy set up in my bafrume and so I'm gonna be subQ'd by Meowmie frum now on. I hoap I behaiv. Meowmie duz not wanna gib me tranks becuz she is wurreed my CRF kid-knees mite not be able to process them and filter them as quickly as they normally wudd. But se IS gonna get me a BLACK MUZZUL WUF SILVER STUDS!!! Meowmie can I wear it so I can SKEER dat Cee Cee thing????
April 3rd 2013 6:16 am
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Big Bad Baby Twinkle sez:"Dis morning around 2 Ay Yem, Meowmie woked up and sed " OH!! My heeeting pad is too HOOOTTT!!! I bet BBBT is habbing da saim problem. " So she tirned off her heeting pad. And the she came into my rume and I mewed sweetly to her and she tirned off MY heeting pad (it is kept on LOW and it is under a doubbulled up towel and I sleep inside a KITTIE KUP on top of dat dubbulled up towel) and then she went bakk to bed. And da nextist thing she knewed, I wuz staaring at her and I got under her covirs and CUDDLED -- OMC -- I CUDDLED next to Meowmie!!!! And she kisst me on my liddle rownd heddie and then we boaf wentid to sleep."
December 7th 2012 6:33 am
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BBBT purrs, nods her heddie wisely, kleers her throate (ok, she PURRS) and asstootlee sez: "It appears dat Meowmie haz reeched an uneezy troos wif da fleas. I still get flea combed twice a day and she has dem flea lights on with da stikky pads that we kitties cannot get into, and she still sprays lemonwatervinegar onto areas that she then kleens up and she also throwed owt alot of papers, and I get my Frontline monthly -- nuthin elss will do, speshally not dat horrible deadly fatal stuff they sell over da counter in da grocery stores and drug stores and big box and convenience stores oh my!!!