September 27th 2011 2:15 am
[ View A Comments (2) ]
Once again Mama is having a terribly hard time writing for one of her angels. But she did want to share something furry special one of her Catster furriends did for us the night before I journeyed to StarClan.
This other Catster Mama offered me a distance Reiki session, to try to ease any distress I might be in and get a feel for how I was doing. My own Mama had no experience with Reiki before this, and she was absolutely stunned at how much I was able to communicate, across time and space, and how well it correlated with what she had been observing for the previous week or so.
Here is what the nice Reiki lady said about our session:
"Dougal was open to the Reiki last night around 10-10:30. First ,I want to state that I don't do distance Reiki often and this is only to add to what your intuition tells you. This was my impression: Dougal is not in a lot of pain. His throat hurts a little kinda like the beginning of a sore throat but he is not worried about it. His throat feels like he has a lump- like a stuck pill that won't go down. It takes some work to swallow and he is tired of it. But, not a lot of pain. He has some trouble getting air. Like a stuffy nose and an asthmatic feeling. He can breathe but it's hard to get enough air. This is a little worrisome and one reason he doesn't move around a lot. When he sleeps and rests he feels ok. Not good, but ok. (Kind of like when we are sick and find just the right spot on the couch and take a nap) When he moves around he is reminded of his troubles. His tummy doesn't feel like eating. He doesn't feel a sense of emergency, he is cozy enough in his nest. He didn't feel I could help him but it was ok I stopped by.
So,this is what I think from our encounter: if you are giving him pain meds. they are working.Some pain meds restrict breathing, i don't know if that is a problem or if something else is going on there. I don't know about the slight nausea. Maybe it is from not eating or maybe from the medication? He may have trouble smelling food to since his nose feels clogged up.Hope this helped a little. I hope something can help take the swelling down in his throat."
Well, as we know nothing could take down the swelling in my throat any more - I was already taking Metacam, and steroids were not an option with my heart condition. But Mama was so glad to learn that her impressions of how I was doing were mostly correct, and I wasn't in terrible discomfort, but I didn't think there was much that could be done to help my condition either. My breathing restrictions were due to the tumor growing larger and clogging my throat, but at least I wasn't panicky about that - I was just withdrawing from activity and interaction, trying to take things as easy as possible. And if did feel nauseated, as the Reiki lady felt, it was probably because I was unable to swallow properly, and was choking on everything that tried to go down my throat, whether it was food or medicine or my own saliva.
Mama feels terrible about having to send me to Starclan when she did, but all of these symptoms correlated with her own observations, and indicate the disease was very rapidly approaching the point where I would be in acute distress and struggling to breathe. I was eating so little that I was at high risk for developing hepatolipidosis (fatty liver disease), and I was very unhappy with Mama's attempts to encourage me to eat. In addition I was choking and gagging on my medicine, so she was worried that it wouldn't be as effective as it should be, since I was spitting out an unknown quantity. But she didn't want to give me more, and potentially give an overdose. Finally, as I was reverting to more and more feral behaviors, she was very afraid that I would get outside and not come back, and she would be unable to find me and help me at the end. She loved me too much to allow me to curl up in a thicket somewhere and hunker down for the duration, not eating or drinking and not getting any medicine to ease discomfort, just toughing it out in the cold and rain. It was kind of what I was showing her I wanted to do, but she wouldn't let me.
I was not the most cooperative kitty patient Mama has ever had, but she knows I couldn't help following my instincts as I got sicker. I left my life on earth as I lived so much of it ... a little suspicious, a little bit of a loner, resisting help from the hoomans even when I knew they were trying to take care of me. I didn't want to be bothered by Mama trying to clean up my copious drooling, but it did feel better to be dry for a little while afterward. The last few days, I didn't even want to be bothered with brushies, which I loved more than anything when I was healthy. When the whitecoat came to the house, and Mama was trying (and failing) to purrsuade me to come out from my safe place, I did my best to let her know I didn't hold any of what was happening to me against her. I blinked at her a lot, and she blinked back, so I know she knew what I meant. I just needed my space. I knew she didn't want any of it to be happening either, but even the nicest, most loving Mama can't shield a cat from his destiny. She could make sure my Daddy was there to snuggle me, and she could make sure it was a relatively painless passage to the Bridge, in my house and not at a scary stressy hospital - and not outside on my own. But still, I wasn't really ready to come here. I was only four years old. I liked my life a lot, and I was never going to give it up without a struggle.
As my furriends Calvin and Misha say, Cancer Stinks.
It sounds like your mom did the right thing, and helped you to the Bridge before you became too stressed out. Reiki has helped my moms too with the passing of two of my family members.
meowlo's two ewe N yur familee and headbonks and love two yur mom N dad as they did what needed ta be done outta love N compaasion FOR ewe
pleaz understand they could have let ewe remain on earth a wee bit longer.... but trooly and in all honestee, this wooda been selfishness on their part...
these decisions are never eazee and de younger de kitteh de harder it iz ta bear....
as with all things buddy, there be a time and a reason and sadly neither uz kittehs, nor R peepuls, very often haza say sew in de manner...
we noes taffy left for rainbow bridge, not very long ago her self....and this haz been a difficult time for yur mom N dad and we hope God grants them peace in their hearts and that HE comforts them with the knowledge that ewe due knot suffer any mor and ewe continmew two live
it just be in a place wear they canna see ewe .....until ewe all meet again some day....
(What does RSS do?)