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Little Man - Forever in my Heart

I miss you so much

Hello All - This is Michelle, Little Man's mommy. I just had to take the time to write out some of the thoughts that have been racing through my mind these past 2 weeks.
First off, for those of you who don't know, Little Man crossed over to the bridge in the early morning hours of July 29th, 2008. I thank god every day that i decided to spend that night sleeping on the floor next to him petting him all night.
But the other thought that keeps going through my mind is whether I should have helped him over to the bridge the day before at the vet. The vet didn't tell me he was in any kind of pain and he didn't say that there was nothing we could do. Although, at that point we didn't have the bloodwork back yet, but still. It bothers me every day. I still hear the sound of him crying that night and I just don't know if I shouldn't helped him cross over. But of course, if I had I would be sitting here wondering if that was the right thing to do.
I'm just so used to him being with me - he didn't like anyone but me so he always followed me around. He even slept in my closet - either on the floor with a paw or his tail peeking out from under my dresses or on top of my dresser hiding under sweatshirts. I swear I can still hear him meowing sometimes and other times I do a double take because I think I see him around the house.
I got a shoe box and put in his halloween costume, some of his hair, some cat nip, some cat treats, some of his favorite toys and some doritos (cause he loved those) and have the shoe box on the floor in my closet in his spot. That helps a little - every morning when I go in the closet to get my clothes for the day I say good morning to him :)
And I've also been angry these past 2 weeks. I'm angry that the first vet I brought him to, the one that perscribed him the valium, didn't do bloodwork first, didn't advise bloodwork after he was taking it, but mostly - didn't tell me that there is a risk of DEATH from liver failure when a cat is given valium. When I called the vet to tell them what happened and ask for some of my money back since he would still be alive today if I had brought him somewhere else I was told "we give cats valium all the time with no problem, you're not getting any money back, we don't have time to go over every side effect for the medications we perscribe" I'm disgusted. It's not even about the money - it's about the fact that a cat who was barely over 2 years old was taken from me :(
I'm sad because whenever I would get a migraine he would come right up to where I was laying and lay right against my head for me.
Little Man - I know you're in a much better place now then where you were that last night, but I miss you so much. I just don't know what else to do or say so I just needed to get everything that's on my mind right now out there.
Also - Thank you SOOO much to everyone on catster for being so supportive and helpful. Words can't express how much you've been helping me through my grief.