August 16th 2008 6:42 pm
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I found this poem today and I put it on Bugsy's page, too. I can barely see through my tears to write this - but they aren't all sad tears. They are tears of happy memories - remembering your warm, furry hugs, your kisses, your unconditional love for me and all the other kitties and doggies here. You were my "special" kitty - I guess maybe you knew that you wouldn't be able to be with me that long. Sometimes I miss you so badly it is almost unbearable. Right now as I type this through my tears, Shermie is standing on the bed behind me whining at me to stop. He and Luke are here with me - and they are trying their best to make me happy again. Remember how you used to walk outside with Luke - it was so cute - you were a little ball of fluff and he was a yellow 75 pound Lab - you would rub up against his legs and he would reach down and lick you - you weren't so sure about that! I would give anything to just be able to hug you one more time! I hope whoever wrote this poem doesn't mind my using it - it has really touched my heart!
Until We Meet Again
I know what you're thinking. You think I'm dead. Because you cannot see me with your human eye, Cannot feel me with your hands or hold me in your arms you think I am gone forever. You recall how I looked when I left this place and you cannot remotely imagine that I could possibly be alive in another place. You are racked and torn by the pain of our separation and it blinds you to that which is right in front of you ... me.
How many times since I left your immediate sight have you been told that I'm dead and you should "get over it?" How many times have you cried yourself to sleep because you feel like an outcast, believing you're supposed to get over me because that's what people say is normal but somehow you can't and no one seems to understand?
How many times have you put yourself through such excruciating pain because you aren't willing to consider that I am not, by any means, dead?
I want you to do me a favour and go back in time with me. Remember the glorious day you brought me home - was I not the most intriguing creature you'd ever met? Did I not make you laugh and giggle? Did I not look at you with such adoration that you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with me? I wanted this too.
Remember the days when I was in my prime and we did many things together. You were so proud of me! I was a good friend and I took care of you when you cried, were angry or felt down and unhappy. When you didn't have a lot of time for me because of your obligations, I waited patiently for you. I was always there when you needed me. Did I not look at you with such acceptance and patience that at times you felt perhaps a bit unworthy? You were never unworthy in my eyes.
Remember when age crept up on me, my bones became stiff and my movements slower. Still I met you at the door when you came home and followed you around the house. We'd been together for so long, I was your very best friend regardless of what you were doing, saying, thinking. Did I not look at you with such kindness and understanding that you felt overwhelmed? I couldn't get enough of you.
Remember the last time we saw each other with earthly eyes. You tried to be brave but I knew you were crying ... I know you so well. Better than anyone else in the whole world. Did I not look at you with such pure trust and love that you yearned only to hold me close and keep me with you always? Did you not promise that you would love me forever? I believed you.
If this is so then why have you let me go by thinking I no longer exist?
Remember the depth in my eyes all those times I looked at you with adoration, acceptance, patience, trust and love. Who created this depth and love? Would the Creator diminish the song of our laughter which was created in the name of love? I am no longer an earthly figure, this is true. My body was only part of who I really am. My body would have been but a mere shell on earth if it were not filled to overflowing with my soul, my spirit, my loving light. When we met you thought I was cute, sweet, pretty and adorable. But what kind of relationship would we have had if this is all that I'd been? How could you have loved me if I'd had no spiritual substance?
We are all made up of energy which resides far deep down inside of us, it is our core, our soul, spirit and loving light. It is the energy that is all of life ... it has no beginning, it has no end. It simply is and always will be and without it there is no life. You can't see it with the naked eye nor can you hold it in your hand, it is simply a certain knowing that this energy does exist. It's a knowing just as you know that our love existed on earth - you couldn't see our love in a solid sense, you couldn't gather it all up and confine it to one place. But you *knew* it existed. There was no doubt in your mind.
They demand you get over me, insisting that I'm dead and you'll never see me again because animals don't go to Heaven. Oh really? I'm here to tell you different. You were worthy of my love and undying devotion on earth as I was of yours. Do you really believe this love would be snatched from us *forever* by a loving Creator simply because I wasn't human? Was I not a living, breathing creation with personality? How could I have been so if I didn't possess the energy of soul, spirit and loving light? And if this energy is and always will be, then how can it be that I am dead? If my core is not of the energy that is all of life then I was never alive to begin with. But you know better.
You cry because you miss me, this I understand. I miss you too - I miss the belly rubs, hugs and kisses that we shared. But life does go on beyond these wonderful, fulfilling physical connections. I came to this place to live a whole new life, not because I didn't love you anymore or because I wanted something better. I came here because it was time for me to go to the next phase of my existence, something all living creatures must do eventually. It is the normal progression of life. I was not taken away from you because you cannot take away that which was never owned. My presence in your life was and is a gift to be cherished and honoured just as I cherish and honour you.
Life is not simply about being born into a body, living a certain number of years and then dying. Energy cannot die. We are blessed with time in a body so that we can learn, share and grow. It prepares us for the next phase of our eternal life. The body holds within it the true life force of our existence...our soul, spirit and loving light. Without these our bodies would be empty, blank, void of feeling and expression. Without our energy we would indeed be dead and could never have experienced our love for each other.
You say that all you have left are memories. Not so. You see, when I took leave of my earthly body I left a little something behind for you. You can't touch it, hold it or examine it for what I left behind is far too uninhibited for confinement. I left behind a piece of my soul. I placed it right next to your own which is quite fitting as we were always side by side in our earthly life together. I love you too much to have left you with nothing but memories which tend to fade and grow cloudy as the years go by. I love you too much to have vanished without a trace. How selfish it would be of me to remove love and light from your life.
I understand your tears, each one you shed is testament to your love for me and I am honoured and humbled. But don't forget the good things we shared - remember and smile. This is an honour for me as well. And when you need me I will be here. Close your eyes, relax, take slow, deep breaths and picture me in your mind. Shut off the world and your notions of what death is and give me a chance. Look for the subtle signs I send you. Don't stop being proud of me, I am a friend to be proud of, I am still your friend and soul mate. Don't memorialise the death of my body but instead honour and celebrate my never-ending life for it is eternal and forever as is my love for you.
Until we meet again...
Kissy - I love and miss you so very, very much!
August 8th 2008 9:08 am
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Bugsy and I are trying our best to try to make her feel better. They took her to the human vet place last Monday and kept her there for a couple of days. She said she hurt in her chest and felt like I was hugging her way too tight. They did all kinds of things to her that made us feel really bad for her - it looked like it really hurt! But - she told us that they gave her stuff that made it better for her. Then they said they didn't know what was wrong. They said it might be "stress" - whatever that is! They gave her some pills and she takes them alot better than we ever did! She says the pain almost all goes away when she takes their pills - but she gets kind of sleepy. We almost got excited thinking that we were going to be able to hug her again really soon - then we remembered that if we got to hug her, that means the earth kitties won't! We want to hug her but we can wait. So - please - all my friends - purr really hard for my mom that she will feel alot better really soon! Purrs - Kissy
July 31st 2008 9:46 am
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For some reason, Mommy has been thinking of me and Bugsy today - she's crying again. I wish I could snuggle up to her again and make her feel better. She says it just gets so hard sometimes missing us and wanting to just hug us one more time. Spot is getting alot older and she's afraid that he wants to come with us. Dusty is thinking about it, too, more these days. Mommy doesn't think she will be able to stand it if they come. But - we will keep trying to let her know that it is nice here for us and that Spot and Dusty will be taken care of. Please send good thoughts to our mommy! Purrs - Kissy