May 29th 2008 9:32 pm
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kaya: OFFICIALLY it's my kill, cause i put the bite on the little sucker...
shyloh: but i helped...i really, really helped!!
k: yep, you did...you made sure that mousie had nowhere to go...nowhere to run to, baybee...nowhere to hide...
s: he coulda hid
k: 'cept he couldn't get there fast enough...
(sinister snickers and identical wicked grins)
s: oooh!! tell effuryone the best part!
k: oh, yeah!! we has counter amnesty, now...
s: we is free-range kittehs!!
k: the human folk has finally figured out that when we hang out on the counters and the stove and stuff we are just doing our job. fulfilling our destiny.
s: being all that we can be.
k: serving a higher master.
s: answering the call of the wild.
k: following in the pawsteps of our ancestors.
s: they makes their silly rules...
k: but the law of the jungle...
k&s: IS LAW...KILL- OR DIE OF THE BLACK PLAGUE.
s: promote health & hygiene-let your cat walk where it will.
k: there's a REASON all places are alike to us, you know...
May 28th 2008 9:53 pm
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kaya: our friend sami chased us down...
shyloh: and tagged us!!
kaya: so now we do the 4x4...
shyloh: then we tag 4 more!!
4 jobs we have had:
1. change purse-i once ate a penny. i throwed it up, but while i had it it was completely and totally safe.
2. data entry-i IM my uncle tim alll the time!!
3. resident comedienne-i think they might be laughing at me and not with me, but they do laugh a lot when i'm around.
4. art critic-i kibitz while mommy draws...and i likes to gnaw on the charcoals and chalks. watercolor pencils and oil pastels aren't as yummy. see? i'm an art critic!
1. taste tester-i'm small, and i'm hungry. let me have first taste. if i don't die, you're safe. i love you. feed me.
2. data entry-i am especially fond of the number 4. no one knows why, and i'm not telling.
3. model-i pose sooo pretty!!
4. paper shredder-srsly. i shred paper. into tiny tiny pieces. they call me the gerbil.
4 places we have lived
1. home of the evil cat hoarder. he brought us here in a gym bag, left us here with a bag of cheap adult dry food, ear mites, and two zillion fleas. we weren't even weaned, so the food went in the dumpster and our humans stocked up on KMR until we could do more with the kitten food they bought than chew and spit.
2. here. just here, where home is.
4 places we've been
1. Pet Supplies Plus!! to pick out treats and toys!!
2. the fix-it van, so the Human Society could do our tummy tucks...(shudder)
3. the back yard, home of grass and snow and flowers and ice, never looks the same way twice...
4. taxi cab...not exactly a place, but it was new to us.
4 places we'd rather be
1. we'd like to meet kaya's uncle tim...he always says "hi, kitty" when kaya IMs him (how does he know it's her?) and he likes our pictures. but he lives up in yellowstone national park, and he can't have animals...though he did take a picture of 3 bears sleeping under a tree...we have no desire to meet the bears.
2. we'd like to go back to Pet Supplies Plus. we really really liked how it smelled.
3. the back yard without a harness and leash-but we don't think that's in the cards.
4. the vegetable garden in the back yard-and so far that hasn't happened, because of the harness and leash deal.
4 friends we tag:
um...give us a minute. (whispering behind paws)
1. mr. lollycat- small white fluffy brofur of fellow orangie, zippie!!
2. slash-worthy successor and sisfur of the sadly missed doom the destroyer
3. phoebe-our newest purrrty furrriend
4. francis & matthew-just to keep the sib madness going
have fun, kits!!
February 21st 2008 1:17 am
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kaya: humans got this talking scale thing today...
shyloh: cause my mommy is blind, which means she can't see-
k: really? is THAT what that means?
s: oh, shut up...she can't see so the scale has to talk.
k: the scale talks for her?
s: no, it tells her what's going on, cause she can't see it.
k: it didn't say anything unless you stepped on it, though...seems a mean way to treat a seeing-eye scale.
s: ky, you're just mad cause of what the scale said about YOU, so you're being snotty.
k: the scale said something about me behind my tail?
s: grrrr!! no, it said something about you when you laid down on it.
k: all it said was: "your weight is four pounds and eight ounces."
s: right. and MY weight was...
k: five pounds and nine ounces.
s: means i win.
k: you win? what do you win, a 30 day trial membership at weight watchers'?
s: i'm not fat! you're just a shrimp!
k: i like shrimp. don't you like shrimp?
s: i adore shrimp. that's not the point!
k: also, my mommy weighed four pounds and eight ounces when she was born-which means i am most definitely and positively once and for all her kitty.
s: this is logical to you? that you weigh the same when you're four months old that she weighed when she was born...so you're RELATED?
k: not related, shy. FATED.
s: so...what does it mean that i weigh five pounds nine ounces?
k: dunno. maybe it means you're gonna be a real big huge kitty, and you'll be able to open the refrigerator door and reach the can opener and drink from the sink without having to jump up on the counter when you grow up.
s: wow...except even if i can reach the can opener, i don't know what to do with it...
k: open cans. duh.
s: don't know how to use it.
k: so we'll watch the humans more closely. and we can ask Ceiling Cat. if you're going to be a great big huge kitty, i should be able to climb on your back and reach Ceiling Cat.
s: yeah! Ceiling Cat will tell us what to do...
February 13th 2008 10:36 pm
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kaya: ok. let's try to figure this out...
shyloh: there ain't no way to. you can't make it make sense, no way...
kaya: shy, you know your mommy can't see...
shyloh: yeah? and?
kaya: so she has a harder time with stuff. we're about the same size, you know...
shyloh: same weight, yeah. but we're not the same shape. we don't feel the same. and she's never done it before.
kaya: i can't explain that either. maybe she was just extra extra tired.
shyloh: i know my mommy in my sleep. so why didn't my mommy know me?
kaya: she's not a cat, shy...
shyloh: she's MY mommy, and she took YOU to bed!!
kaya: what was i supposed to do? tell her my name?
shyloh: i'm not blaming you.
kaya: why do you have to BLAME anybody? i'm not mad at my mommy anymore.
shyloh: she was outside when my mommy took you to bed...and left me ALONE. so she didn't know. i'm not ever supposed to be alone. ever.
kaya: yeah. i know.
shyloh: you were in MY room, with MY mommy. your mommy was outside. i couldn't go in with churrah and his person...i was alone. abandoned. mommy gone. sister gone...
kaya: you could have SAID something.
shyloh: SAID SOMETHING? now it's MY fault?!?
kaya: no. but if you'd meowed, or scratched on the door or something...?
shyloh: you could have scratched on the door, too.
kaya: the room was DARK.
shyloh: i know where everything is, and i like it dark.
kaya: i DON'T know where everything is. and i DON'T like it dark.
shyloh: so you just stayed on the bed all night and didn't get down once?
shyloh: i went in your room and hid in your closet...then when your mommy went to bed i got on your blanket with her cause it smelled like you...i tried to pretend you was there with me...
kaya: shy...it's ok.
shyloh: no! not! not ok! she didn't even know i was gone...didn't even know i was scared and all alone!
kaya: she thought i was you.
shyloh: how could anyone think i was you? or you were me? we're NOTHING alike.
kaya: we're both orange-
shyloh: mommy is blind. so don't matter.
kaya: we're about the same weight-
shyloh: but we ain't the same shape. and i still have both bells and my pretty butterfly collar charm...you just have a bell. if she'd checked the collar-
kaya: well, she didn't check the collar-
kaya: lord. is she supposed to do a collar check every time she-
shyloh: if she's not a good enough mommy to know who her baby is, then yes.
kaya: get a grip. she was half asleep.
shyloh: we know who our mommies are with our eyes closed without even touching. she was holding you and carrying you and she took you to bed...and never knew you weren't me!
kaya: humans, they don't hear and smell so good...and your mommy can't see...and she was most of the way asleep. if you couldn't smell your mommy or hear her heartbeat, would you know her in the dark?
shyloh: if i touched her, yes.
kaya: but we're a lot closer to the same size and shape than your mommy and my mommy.
shyloh: i know. but...this morning? you know what she said after your mommy told her she'd mixed up the kitties?
kaya: said she didn't. thought you were me, we've been over-
shyloh: not that. after that. after your mommy told her she knew for sure it was me in her bed...?
kaya: sigh. oops. she said oops.
shyloh: yeah. she said "oops."
kaya: that's what's really getting under your fur, right?
shyloh: yeah. she just said "oops". and LAUGHED. it wasn't funny.
kaya: no. wasn't funny. but...well, can't you just let it go?
shyloh: i didn't lay next to her when we took our nap. i got on the corner of the bed and didn't even touch her with so much as the tip of my tail.
kaya: and you feel much better now?
shyloh: no. but she knows i'm mad now.
kaya: ok. she knows you're mad. and this is helpful?
shyloh: yes. for me.
kaya: are you going to sleep next to her tonight?
shyloh: don't think so.
kaya: uh-it's going to be in single digits tonight.
kaya: it's going to be cold tonight, shy. really, really, really cold.
shyloh: your mommy will turn the heat up.
kaya: uh-shy? my mommy like never gets cold. she throws blankets off in the middle of the night. she goes outside in the snow without extra fur. when she goes to bed last, lots of times she turns the heat DOWN.
kaya: yeah. oh.
kaya: so-you gonna sleep next to your mommy tonight, shy?
shyloh: oh, shut up.
kaya: you just gonna lay there and shiver all night so she'll know you're mad? your mommy sleeps like a rock, shy. don't think you're gonna make much of a point that way...
shyloh: (growls softly) well, i'm not gonna suffer for her mistakes...if i get really really cold i might get close. but i won't purr.
kaya: oh, that'll show her...
February 12th 2008 8:07 pm
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kaya: ok, here's the deal...
shyloh: the gorgeous young snoop dogg and his lovely sisters popcorn and feather...
kaya: caught up to us in a dark alley...
kaya: metaphor, shy.
shyloh: metaphor is an alley?
kaya: is if i say it is...anyway, they caught up to us in metaphor alley and...
shyloh: tagged us!!
kaya: so, now we gotta come up with seven facts about ourselves, then tag seven other unsuspecting kitties...
shyloh: to keep the tag ball rolling.
k&s: so, here we go...
1. we both love ranch dressing...squirm our way onto any plate or bowl that contains it until we get our fair share.
2. at last count we have broken three glasses, a coffee cup, two plates and a casserole dish. our humans are considering 'the miracle of plastic'.
3. we have become old paws at sending instant messages...when one of us walks across the keyboard my (kaya's) mom's brother types: "hello, kitty..." (he recognizes our style)
4. speaking of computers, we have also isolated the one button on the power strip that knocks all three computers off-line at once...just a matter of trial and error.
5. we like to freak churrah's person out by standing right between her legs when she's wearing a skirt and staring straight up...she says we're little orange perverts...my (kaya's) mom corrects her and says we're "purry furverts", says that's the correct terminology for voyeuristic kitties and felines with other paraphilias...i'm not sure anyone but her gets that, actually.
6. we believe very strongly that all laptops should be closed at all times...and we do our part to keep them that way.
7. we find it amusing to get our chests and faces and front paws dripping wet in our water bowl and then go jump on an unsuspecting human...they always say: "good god! you're soaking wet!" duh.
we now therefore tag: (drum roll, purrrr-lease)
gracie mae #390011
January 29th 2008 7:42 am
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kaya: he thinks he's sooo smart...
shyloh: and he is sooo big...
kaya: yeah. but he ain't smarter than us.
shyloh: nope. not when we put our furry heads together.
kaya: see, there's always times when he can get one of us alone, and then he can pin us, and lick us, and in general torment us.
shyloh: but we just get reallly reallly loud...
kaya: so whichever of us is in the other part of the house can hear...
shyloh: and can prepare herself...mentally.
kaya: can make plans.
shyloh: when we get together, we scout out the land.
kaya: whoever he last had down, slinks up to him like, all submissive like, and pats at his tail...
shyloh: and he rumbles down, and swats...usually he's in one of his favorite places...
kaya: which is usually one of OUR favorite places...which makes this even more fun...
shyloh: cause whoever "lost" to him last keeps bugging him...real scared-like, but like-"i want a rematch"
kaya: and being the arrogant big kitty he is, he lazily obliges, and gets up and leaps on the presumptious kitten who dares disturb his regal rest...
shyloh: and when he has one of us well and truly pinned...
kaya: and we're squealing and squeaking and he's totally lulled...
shyloh: the other one of us comes out of hiding and does a sneak attack from behind, landing on his back and scaring the bejesus out of him!!
kaya & shyloh: and then we take over his spot!! (giggles)
kaya: works every time.
shyloh: you'd think he'd get a clue.
kaya: you'd think. i know i would.
shyloh: do you think we'll get dumber as we get older?
kaya: nope. cause we'll always have each other to keep us sharp.
(gentle grooming session ensues)
January 26th 2008 2:09 pm
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kaya: we have the absolute kewlest bed in the world, in the galaxy, the universe, the multiverse...
shyloh: it's a car! it's a pink car with a pillowy bottom and it has WHEELS!!
kaya: which don't roll...drat.
shyloh: oh purrlease...you fall enough without being on wheels that roll...and this time you took me with you!!
kaya: slow your roll, sis...we're getting ahead of ourselves here. tell them where we park the car.
shyloh: on top of the entertainment center, of course. so we can be entertained by watching the humans go by doing human things-and churrah's too lazy or something to come up here, so it's ours, ours, ours!!
kaya: so it's up higher than the humans are standing up on their hind legs...but they can still reach us...another drat.
shyloh: yes, a definite drat. point is, though, it's pretty high high high.
kaya: oh purrlease. christmas tree is taller.
shyloh: you'd know-you fell off of that, too.
kaya: so did you.
shyloh: not from the top. and i've never tried to take a running jump and nab that hanging angel near the top in one bound, either.
kaya: cause you're a chicken.
shyloh: no. cause i learned i can't fly...so that means i'm not a chicken, cause i'm not a bird, and birds can fly.
kaya: well, that ALMOST made sense. back on track?
shyloh: yes. do tell everyfur how you tried to kill me...
kaya: sigh. why did you move, shy? it would have been alright...
shyloh: why did you push the car to the edge, ky?
kaya: (soft growl) you KNOW why.
shyloh: yes. so you could unzip the side a bit and lay on the very edge and hang over it.
kaya: kitty hammock!!
shyloh: way up high!! just cause your middle name is "skye" doesn't mean you can just HANG there, you know.
kaya: could've if you hadn't MOVED. we had it counter-balanced so nicely, then you had to get up...
shyloh: i woke up!! i stretched!! i didn't know you were trying to kill us in our sleep!!
kaya: would've been fine if you hadn't moved.
shyloh: would've never happened if you didn't have to hang upside down all the time like a bat.
kaya: so. anyway, we fell...cause shyloh moved. and down came the car...which was NOT damaged
shyloh: even though kaya put it in peril by pushing it to the edge then HANGING there...
kaya: so we come tumbling out, and of course i hissed at shyloh cause she made us fall...
shyloh: no, i hissed at you cause you made us fall...
kaya: well, we hissed at each other
shyloh: then ran in opposite directions...
kaya: which, for some perverse reason, made the humans laugh like hysterical hyenas.
shyloh: now i ask you...how is that funny?
kaya: a car falls off a cliff with two kitties inside...this is funny?
shyloh: this much we agree on...
kaya: it was NOT funny.
January 25th 2008 3:00 pm
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shyloh: this one wasn't as bad, really...
kaya: yeah, you say that 'cause it was YOUR FAULT...if you hadn't spilled the fruit juice all over yourself...
shyloh: it had CINNAMON in it...
kaya: also mandible (what, mom?) oh, mandarin oranges and pineapple and all the icky sticky juice that went with it...ya dip.
kaya: yeah, ok. CINNAMON. but you were sticking to everything and everybody, so YOU had to have a bath, which meant I had to have a bath, which i don't consider fair 'cause i'm not the one who attacked mom's food...
shyloh: yeah, well, you came out of the bath a completely different color, so i think you were kinda grimy too, sis.
shyloh: c'mon. it wasn't as bad as last time...the bathtub had a rubber thingy to stand on, not like the icky little kitchen sink.
kaya: true dat. and i liked the sprayer. it was kewl.
shyloh: and faster...i barely had time to get a freakout started...
kaya: which is fast...you have warp speed freakouts. if i havta have a bath, i'd rather do it without you yowling...you yowl, and i get nervous, hafta look around and find something to attack to help you...and you can't attack a bath.
shyloh: i can.
kaya: that wasn't the bath you attacked the first time, shyloh. that was your mommy...baths are beyond our powers.
January 22nd 2008 5:37 pm
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this is fun!! we can be on the same page, at the same time, and everyone will know we are we if you know what we mean. it's always been so hard to decide who says what sometimes-so usually i (kaya) take it, cause i (shyloh) am too shy. i'm not shy when i'm with my sissy so much though, and i (kaya) am not shy at all. and if our friends want to say something to us both, we're here together on one page. and if they want to whisper a surprise or a secret-we still each have our own page!! the best of all improbable worlds...
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