July 20th 2011 6:41 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 12 people already have ]
Dear Diary,
Last week, on Thursday, it was one year since the day I made my journey to the Bridge. Mommy doesn't know if anybody knew that but her.
She still remembers it with crystal clarity. Friday night, the 10th I wouldn't eat my Fancy Feast, but then I'd long been picky and never ate much so mommy wasn't concerned. Saturday, the 11th was the same and mommy was a little concerned. Sunday the 12th she took my pictures of me in my collar that Hazel Lucy's mommy made that I won for the Buzzin' Into Spring photo contest. When she took the photos she could tell I didn't want to do it but I didn't hardly put up a fight, I just seemed resigned. It was then she became very worried about me. She called the emergency number for the vet early Sunday evening.
The vet asked if I was throwing up or anything. Mommy said, no, I just was lethargic and not eating. The vet said she didn't think it was an emergency and to bring me in Monday morning.
Mommy took me in Monday morning, the 13th, and then went to work. The vet called her in the afternoon at work and said it was not good news; my x-ray showed a large mass. Mommy left work and went to the vet's office and talked to the vet. The vet showed mommy the x-ray and the mass about the size of mommy's fist in my abdomen. She said she could operate but that there was no guarantee that it would do any good because the mass could come back. The vet said my CBC results suggested lymphoma and that my platelets were low. She said she could do a needle biopsy to confirm what the cells were and mommy said, yes, do that. Mommy then said she wanted to get a second opinion and she took me home. That night she couldn't get me to eat or drink. She ran to the store to buy chicken baby food (because that was what Scooter ate) and tuna but I wouldn't touch any of it.
Mommy called another vet, the vet who had treated all our dogs when we had four doggies. His office said they couldn't see me until Wednesday. Mommy had to work Tuesday and so did daddy so mommy called the first vet and asked if they could keep me on Tuesday and they said yes. So mommy took me there in the morning. When she came to pick me up Tuesday evening I looked awful. There was some assistant vet there and she didn't seem to know anything about my case. Mommy asked if I had been given anything for the pain and the assistant vet looked at me sort of puzzled and said what pain? Mommy sort of shouted, from the tumor and held up the x-ray. The assistant vet looked at the x-ray and then got some stuff she rubbed in my ears that made me all groggy and mommy took me home. That night I wouldn't eat either and I sort of wobbled around, probably because of that stuff they put in my ears.
Wednesday, the 14th, mommy took me to the second vet and then went to work. The second vet called mommy in the afternoon and said he was pretty sure it was lymphoma and that my platelets, which I would need for my blood to clot if I had surgery, had dropped even more in the CBC he ran from what they were on Monday. Mommy said she thought she should send me to the Bridge. (You see, mommy's two cats that went to the Bridge before me, Lucinda and Gabrielle, mommy tried and tried and tried to keep them alive and she knows that they were in pain and unhappy as she and the vets kept trying to save them and she promised me and Edgar that she would not do that to us; that when the time came she would let us go). And the vet said he thought that was best. Mommy asked if I could come home for one last night. And the vet said that would be okay but that he didn't think mommy should wait any longer than that because I would be suffering. Mommy hung up.
Mommy then thought about it for a while and thought about how, if I came home, she would spend the night crying over me and how that probably would not be a kindness to me. And at this point, as always, it was all about what was best for me. Mommy called daddy and asked him what he wanted to do and he said: "I said goodbye last night. I didn't think she was going to make it." So mommy called the vet back and said she changed her mind and said she would be in at five to say goodbye. Then she called the first vet and told her that she thought they would want to know that Emily was going to the Bridge. The first vet asked if mommy still wanted the test on the cells she took with the needle biopsy (why hadn't she done that on Tuesday???????) and mommy said okay.
Mommy, of course, couldn't do anything but cry and so she left work and was at the vet's office at 4:15. She asked if she could just go ahead and be with me. So they brought me to a room with mommy, they had a shunt in my arm for the medicine to send me to the Bridge. Mommy held me and kissed and kissed me and petted me and talked to me but I was not happy. I didn't feel good and I was in that strange vet room and mommy didn't want me to be unhappy. She never wanted me to be unhappy or to be in pain. So she knocked on the door to call them in to send me on my journey. The vet put the syringe in my shunt and gave me the injection and I went limp and my tongue poked out. And mommy cried and cried and kissed me. Then the vet took my earthly shell away.
The vet came back with a cardboard box that she gave to mommy with my earthly shell in it. Mommy left the vet's office with tears streaming down her face and snot running out of her nose and she was making funny little choking and gasping noises. She put me in the front seat and we went home. She put the box on the kitchen floor while she went to change clothes so that Edgar could smell it.
Then mommy went in the back yard. It was around 100 degrees that day, July 14, 2010. Mommy dug a hole in the spot where daddy had sad to. She dug it two feet deep, like daddy had said to. Daddy wasn't home yet. Then she opened the cardboard box. In it was a heavy plastic black bag that was tied shut. Mommy opened the bag and took my shell out. Some of my urine got on mommy when she did that. I couldn't help it that my shell went potty after I wasn't there to control it anymore! And mommy wrapped my shell in the pink and red blanket that Arnold P. had given me and she put my little china plate (I had a pretty little china plate unlike any of the plates that Edgar, Salem and Lucy use) that I ate Fancy Feast off of in the blanket with me. And then she put me, my shell that is, in the hole. And she put the dirt back in the hole on top of me. And that was that. The end of my life.
One year and 6 days ago. And the tears were streaming down mommy's face again and the snot running out of her nose again while she wrote this. She has asked herself for one year and 6 days whether she made the right decision. The first vet never did tell her the results of the needle biopsy. And mommy hasn't been able to call and ask. But would it have made a difference? Both vets said at my age, with the size of the mass and my platelets dropping I was not a good candidate for surgery. And mommy had made her promise to me, and to Edgar, about not letting us suffer because she was being selfish.
I had a good life. When I was a kitten I was taped shut inside a box with my siblings and my mom and left in a parking lot. But someone rescued me and then mommy adopted me and I had 14.5 years that were pretty darn good. What more can a cat ask for? I wish mommy's heart just didn't hurt so much for me.
love and angel purrs,
Emily Felicity
Leave A Comment | 12 people already have We's so glad yous had a good life!! Sending gentle purrrs to your Mommy & Daddy I know they will always remember & luvs yous. Rest In Peace Sweet Girl!!
Luvs,
Willow Oh dear! We are so sorry we missed your one year Bridge anniversary! Mommy was reading this and now she too is crying tears and has snot coming from her nose! Please know you did the right thing for your angel Emily. She had a wonderful life and will always love you for that! Sending gentle purrs your way!
Hugs and purrs,
Simon & Reuben(an angel) Oh Miss Emily, what a wonderful life you had. You were , and are still, so loved! I know our families sure do wish we kitties had longer lives,they always feel so sad when its our time to leave. I know my mummy still misses me and its been nearly 4 years. We stay in their hearts and live there!
Your mummy did the right things for you, all with the utmost love and respect.
Sending angel kitty butterfly kisses to your mummy to dry her tears
Love Muffin Dear Emily Felicity,
I am sorry to have missed your Bridge Anniversary.
Your mommy loves you with all her heart and she did right by you. It's so hard for our parents to let us go--making the decision is one of the hardest things to do. It's normal to doubt themselves a little. I purr that your mommy will know deep in her heart she made the best decision for you.
Love,
Tigger Charlie and I send all our love to our Auntie Em and her loving mommy and family. Your mommy did the right thing fur you. She needs to stop doubting herself. She was with you just like she'd always been. You began your journey to the Bridge, knowing you were (and still are) loved. Emily I miss you too kind of like your mom. It's not fair that when kitties go to the bridge it leaves their family & friends missing them so bad. I love you and your mommy, Emily! My mom and I think of you often. Sending purrs to you and your family - I know you're watching over them from the Bridge! Sending your mommy purrs. You had a wonderful life and are very much missed! Your Mommy did exactly the right thing for you at exactly the right time. She questions herself because she misses you so much and it hurts so much to be without you. When our people have to let us fly, they always wonder if they let us go too soon or not soon enough. They don't know that we know they loved us so very much and would always do what they think is best. We don't mind if they cry from missing us, but we hate to see them cry out of second guessing themselves and dwelling on their choices. We know they always make the best choices for us based on the information they have available at the time. What more could we kitties ask for? Bless you and your mommy Emily Felicity. (I have seen my mommy go through this too.) It's hard to be separated from the ones we love.Thank goodness, the separation is just for a little while. Mommy read this and cried..it's been so long since she has read diaries..and it sure brought back some memories...sad ones, and good ones. I purray your mommy is okay today and that Edgar feels your spirit by his side on your special day. Kisses, Angel Ava
|
1
July 20th 2011 at 7:04 pm