Entry from Bon-Bon's Mommy

Dear Dogster and Catster friends,

It's time to make the truth known and that is even after basically a year since Whitie's Passing I miss her only like it was yesterday. I am still hurting and I know there will never be another dog like her she was so special to me and meant so much. AS Bon-Bon meant to me too.

I miss them so much and I am hurting as if it were just yesterday since they passed this is my very first Christmas without the both of them by my side giving me cuddles and kisses and letting me their mommy know that they loved me and that everything was going to be ok.

This Christmas is very hard for me because I am not going home this year and am basically I guess you can say spending it alone.

People keep telling me that I should be over the loss of my baby girls by now because they were just animals but they were my daughters my precious girls.

I know God Gave HIS son for us and HE hurt too.

I feel so selfish for feeling this way as you have all noticed I have not been active at all in dogster and catster lately.

I feel guilty also for jumping in the decision of getting Freedom I never considered the size of my aprt for such a big dog. Freedom went to her new forever home last week a friend and her family took her in. Freedom loves it there yesterday her mommy, daddy and I signed a contract and made it legal she is now their family member but she will forever be in my heart. Freedom needed her Freedom she lives in a house now with a backyard and another pup to play with with 4 cats too. They have company all the time and Freedom loves the people and she already knows this is her family. I miss her but I know she's so happy in her new home. I get to go over and see her anytime I want to in fact I was there yesterday spending time with Freedom they will keep me updated and will send me pictures too.

But I feel so bad for still missing my angel girls. Sometimes I wish I was like Autumn and Terucan my cats and that I could be over their loss already. I know most people who lose family pets usually are over it before the year is up.

But I still only want them back. I miss them so much. Especially my helper dog Whitie who helped me feel safe while I was outside around so many people but I know I will never get either of them back and I know they are in a much better place. But then why does it still hurt so very much?

Autumn has not left my side this whole week she has been such a suck. Now that Freedom is gone Autumn is almost back to her normal self ask for attention no longer hiding during the day and once again playing with her sister Terucan and running around the house at times. But for the most part she has been by my side cuddling me and loving me and Terucan has taken her turns also to be a snuggle bug. They are a big help to me right now. But there is still that big huge hole in my heart of my two angel babies that are not there. The first two babies that I ever had..

Fantasia Moon who is also on dogster she was one of our family dogs I grew up with passed away 2 weeks ago she had a brain tumour and mom finally had to make the decision to let her go. It has not hit me yet that Fanny is gone because I have yet to be home and looks like I won't be going home this year. But she was a sweet little girl and I grew up with her she was 11 yrs old. Brittania from what mom said is doing alright she has a heart murmur and I pray Brit won't suddenly turn to depression once she realizes that her sister and best friend of 11 yrs is gone and pass away too because I know my mom wouldn't be able to handle that at this time.

I just keep remembering the times with My girls Whitie and Bon-Bon and just how much all my furfamily loved each other and took care of each other and just how protective Whitie was of her cats. And how she became the mother of Autumn basically when Autumn was only 4 weeks old.

how is it possible that after a year I still miss her this way and after 6 months I still miss Bon-Bon so much too? I do not know but I do know I am selfish for feeling this way and I feel so guilty for it because I know my mother is grieving something awful right now too with the loss of her baby girl just 2 weeks ago one year ago this past November she had to say goodbye to our last family cat Butterfly too who passed away from Liver cancer.

So to be truthful to everyone this year has been extremely hard on me and this Christmas isn't that much better.
Thank-you for all your support and prayers and thank-you so much to those of my friends that I have met on dogster and Catster that have kept in touch with me via e-mail it is very very much appreciated and helps show me that people do care and don't just say well they were just animals you should be over it by now.......... Especially when I already feel guilty enough for feeling this way..

Once again thank-you
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Tara

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