Won-Ton Reflects

The Return of Evil Cat

February 13th 2011 7:44 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 7 people already have ]

After a long time gone, Evil Cat has returned.

At first there were just a few instances of sitting on my back fence, looking stupidly at me through my window for a moment, then disappearing for a few days.

Then it advanced to prowling in my back yard -- MY back yard! -- several times, sniffing at everything stupidly as though the place was its own stupid territory.

Then it escalated to staring evilly at me in the middle of the night, sitting stupidly on the ledge outside the house below the bedroom window, acting evil. And stupid.

All those occurrences are bad enough. But this afternoon really took the cake. This afternoon was the worst of the worst. This afternoon Evil Cat totally stepped over the line with its utter evilness (and stupidity): this afternoon Evil Cat prowled in my yard inspecting my mom's laundry hanging out there to dry.

Ooh, that made my blood boil! No one is allowed to be Laundry Cat around here except ME!! No one! No one!

I became so enraged at this violation of my territory that I climbed onto the top perch of my cat tree by the window and let out my war cry -- a long, low, loud, menacing moan!

Evil Cat is so stupid that it just crouched there next to one of my mom's sweaters, staring stupidly up at me in the window.

I let out my war cry several more times, to no avail. Any other cat would have fled in extreme terror from my fearsome threats, but Evil Cat is so stupid it just sat there, staring instead of fleeing, oozing evilness and stupidity in equal measure.

My mom squeezed in next to me to peer out the window. Through my intense fury I barely heard her admonishing Evil Cat, "Uh-oh. No, no, don't touch, don't touch, no," but I was too beside myself to pay much attention.

The next thing I knew, I saw my mom out in the back yard, and that's when Evil Cat sprang into action, first by turning to stare stupidly at my mom, then leaping up onto the fence and slinking over it, with one last stupid glance at my mom.

If I didn't have arthritis I would have clawed a hole in the window screen to get out and give that stupid feline a good thrashing. How dare it invade my turf?! How dare it saunter stupidly through my back yard and perch its evil little cat butt on my fence?! How dare it express an interest in my mom's laundry?! That laundry is *mine*! I am Laundry Cat! I am Won-Ton the Fierce, Warrior Princess of Wontonia, Defender Of My Home and Everything Else I Can See Out The Window Which I Can't Get To But I Can Still See So I Consider It My Turf! I cannot let Evil Cat get away with these trespasses! Evil Cat must be driven away! Evil Cat must be vanquished! Evil Cat is evil! Evil! Evil!! (And stupid.)

 
 

Leave A Comment | 7 people already have

Purred by: Alexis Tippy *PAWS* (Catster Member)

March 17th 2011 at 3:39 pm

HIYA Won-Ton! I heard you were a DDP today in the BCCP group and thought your name was purrty cool... I was thinking fried wontons from the Chinese carry out and was like ooooooo! So I decided to check out your diary and low and behold... you sure do have a series going on in here about your adventures as the guard cat of your house! We sure do have a lot in common as I am the guardian of my house, despite the fact that we have a woofer over 4 times my size... he's such a teddy bear! ((Giggles)) Well I think you are one cool kitty and am about to ask to be official furriends so please accept, ok? Purries, Alexis
Purred by: Won-Ton (Catster Member)

March 17th 2011 at 7:28 pm

Thanks, Alexis. As guard cats we must be ever vigilant, mustn't we? Our work is never done. But at least I can keep us all safe and free from the likes of the riff-raff in the neighborhood.
Purred by: Shyla (Catster Member)

March 28th 2011 at 5:27 pm

Wow, you have stupid evil cats in your yard too? They come right up onto MY deck and look in stupidly at my through MY patio door.
(clicking in the background)
I'm checking EBAY for a stupid evil cat trap! I'll send one to you if I can get them at a good price!
Meows & Purrs
Shyla
Purred by: Won-Ton (Catster Member)

March 28th 2011 at 8:12 pm

Oh, Shyla, that may be the answer to my problem! My mom and dad are very strict about keeping me indoors. I despair I may never be able to get out there and properly defend my turf.

What is it with these stupid evil cats anyway?? Why are they so evil? And stupid? Hmph.
Purred by: Shyla (Catster Member)

March 28th 2011 at 8:18 pm

Oh Won-ton, They are too stupid to look cute, and Too EVIL to be sweet. Is it any wonder nobody ever invites them in? You got a house, and I got a house, but they have no house! They get all wet & stinky outside, and I'm sure they have bad breath!
Yea, I think Stoopid (more than Stupid) Evil cats should be trapped and taken to the VET! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
It sure is fun to hear from you again!
Shyla
Purred by: Alexis Tippy *PAWS* (Catster Member)

March 28th 2011 at 8:27 pm

Hiya girls!!! I feel your pain!!! Fur the past couple of months, there was this one gray tux that came to MY back patio and ate up some food meowmy left for him. Meowmy said we had to be nice because those outside kitties were hungry too especially in the winter so I played fair and just made sure he didn't come inside. NOW, what do I get?! ANOTHER EVIL kitty eating up MORE food on MY back patio! And get this... she looks exactly like ME! What am I supposed to do?! Do I attack because she is trying to replace ME in MY HOUSE or am I supposed to be nice because she could be my long lost twin sisfur??? I think the stoppid may be spreading because I dunno what to do!!! :-/
Purred by: Won-Ton (Catster Member)

March 28th 2011 at 8:56 pm

My local Evil Cat does not look homeless. It just looks stupid. And evil.

My mom thinks it's okay to be nice to Evil Cat. No matter how long I live, I will never be able to understand that.


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