May 22nd 2009 5:21 pm
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There is yet another Evil Cat in my neighborhood! I saw her last night, in all her evilness, prowling around my house. This one was a Nasty Evil Cat!!
She was a calico, with a tatty collar. But she looked well-groomed, unlike Second Evil Cat, the tortie with the mangy bald spot from last month. I saw her on the back fence, and I knew exactly what she was going to do next: she came along the side of the house and around to the front. (I was ready for her, having positioned myself in the living room on the sill of the big picture window.) She crawled up onto the stoop and sauntered across it. But then she did something no previous Evil Cat has ever done -- she hopped up onto the ledge below the picture window! And stared right inside! At me!
It was a tense stand-off for several moments. We were nose to nose, separated only by the glass in the window. I screamed and screamed at her and made my tail go all bottlebrush-big, but she wouldn't leave. She was *right there* up against the window, staring at me, hissing at me, swatting at me, her claws raking against the glass. How dare she try to reach in to hit me inside my own house? Ooh, if I could have gotten through that window I would have torn her to pieces! There would have been nothing left of her, I can tell you that much, and it would have taken all of 2 seconds for me to do so, too.
She kept sneaking away and coming back, slinking along the window ledge, sitting in the driveway under my mom's car, sashaying onto my stoop. *My* stoop! Oh, the nerve! And then she'd hop onto the window ledge and hiss at me, as if *I* were the intruder. Can you believe that?! I howled and moaned and hollered at her with all my might, but it did no good other than to wake up my dad, who stumbled into the living room to see what the ruckus was all about. My mom tried to soothe me, but I was having none of that. No, not while that rude interloper needed a good thrashing!
I kept a vigil all night long by the picture window, protecting my turf and my home from Nasty Evil Cat. I was achy and exhausted this morning and spent the day uncomfortably camped out in the living room trying to get some rest. My mom thinks that Nasty Evil Cat is probably a very nice little cat once you get to know her (preferably far away from other cats), but I know better than that. I will not let down my guard. I will not be assuaged! I will not be appeased! I will not be placated, not as long as that vile Nasty Evil Cat roams free upon my turf! She is nasty! She is vile! She is evil, evil, EVIL!!
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Great job protecting your home Won-Ton!