Looking Back...

Looking back over the past year and a half, I know I miss everything... and everyone. I know I wasn't the easiest kitty to get along with, and I regret attacking that little girl and you, too, Mommy. I just wanted to be an outside kitty. When you finally let me outside, I was the happiest kitty ever. You even heard me purring every time we saw each other! I know it broke your heart not to have me on your pillow during the nights, though. I'm so sorry. You knew what was best for me and I had to learn the hard way. Now I'm here waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for you. I'm not crossing without you, Mommy.

I saw the video you added to my profile for me. It almost made me cry. I must have really hurt you, Mommy. I'm so full of guilt that I feel like I'm going to burst into a thousand angry pieces and my heart is going to just fall and shatter into a thousand deadly shards. I know, I know. You don't think I'm the guilty one. I know you blame it on yourself for allowing your dad to kick me out after I feasted on your thigh. I still see those marks and that was almost two months ago.

But listen, Kiara is good to you. I haven't heard her growl or hiss once. She really, really loves you, Mommy! I know she's not me, but I also know she's stealing a place in your heart, too. I know she'll never replace me. But you've got to let me go. I'll be here waiting when you're ready, okay?

Meows and a THOUSAND purrs, Mommy. When you're sleeping at night, you may hear someone purring by your ear. Don't worry, it's just me making up for what I've brought upon you.

I love you, Mommy.

Lost.

I'm sitting here at the Rainbow Bridge, but I'm scared to cross. Will I ever see my family again? Will they ever be able to hold me in their arms? I can't purr. I'm too scared. Something in my soul is pulling me forward, but something in my heart is pulling be back. What's more important? What I feel in my heart or what I feel in my soul? I just can't decide. I feel guilty about leaving them behind. I love them.

The other cats are pushing me forward. I guess this is it... there's no turning back.

I love you Mommy.