Monday

Monday- My captors tormented me by buying kitty toys. They were these things on the string and they expected me to play with it! I hissed at the stupid string and retreated to a new hole i found in the boxes in the box room. While the bird decided to say something like "kitty is a baddie" whatever that means! He will be eliminated just wait....! Later on in the day i decipated a mouse which as always they cooed and awed at and told me i was a good kitty. I went to sleep in the boxes hole and nobody could move me

Friday

Friday- Today was really fun, i got to puke on the captors "evening" gown, and she was angry and threw me outside where i ran but than this stupid dog caught me and mommy had to come get me,,, i was not purring to see her. The captor took me back to prisin where i decided to use her "bedroom door" as my new personal scratchin post, it was nice. The bird Continues to tell my humans my every move he must be destroyed soon. Once again i was locked up for my power of "allergies" still have not figured out how to use this as a weapon.

Thursday

Another Day trapped in this prison. I thought that the dog they love and call "hedwig" had fianlly vanished for good. I was wrong, he ruturned and much to my dismay was released into his fence and eagerly came back. He must be a real dimwit, maybe i can get him to tell me how to escape....

Last Weeks Happening as Told by Me

Monday - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the satisfaction from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Tuesday - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to throw up on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed. Wednesday - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep-depriving, incessant pleas for food at aweful hours of the night. Thursday - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...... Friday - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth. Saturday - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. Sunday - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The Dogs are routinely released and they seem more than happy to return. They are obviously half-wits. The Bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to Molespeak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

Map of My Mind

------------------------------------------------------------ -
| Obsession with | Mysterious Adoration of | Barf Gland|
| Imaginary Insects | just one spot on the bed | |
------------------------------------------------------------ - (should
| Search and | Inexorable | Short Circuit | | be an
| Destroy | fear of | that makes purr-| Licking | arrow
| lobe for | Vacuum | ing kitty an | Gland | between
| Expensive | Cleaners | arm-shredding |------------ licking &
| Imported |---------------| Maniac in Two | Total | barfing)
| Textiles, | Can Opener | seconds | drive to |
| Ceramics | sonar | ----------------| be where |
------------------------------| Asthmatic | they are |
| Shedding on | * | person locator | forbidden |
| vacuumed freshly |----------------------------| to go |
| surfaces cortex | Infatuation with people |-----------|
|------------------| who hate cats | Inability |
| hatred of dogs |----------------------------| to get |
|------------------| | along with|
| new cat |
* Commitment Spot (gets larger -------------
when can opener sonar is
activated