Catster

return to top

If only I had opposable thumbs...

First attempt, rambling train of thought

This contraption is strange, and if only I had opposable thumbs, this would be easier, but c'est la vie, as they say. My human is off in the other room, looking at some paper thing that has lots of print on it. Paper that would better be served crumpled up as a toy for me. She should be paying attention to me, but what is a cat plotting world domination to do? As horrible as it sounds, I need her. I have not yet grown opposable thumbs, and she's the only one that can get to the food. Much to my dismay. And despite my best attempts, she seems to know when I am being cute, and when I am stretching to try and nab a piece of pepperoni from her pizza. How she knows this, I am not sure. I must think on it more and try new tactics. It worked with the sausage....

I have come to the conclusion that most cats of my intelligence see their life as a neverending jail sentence. Confined and trapped by their human. I fail to see how attention, good food, being away from the fleas and dogs and mites and other things that are in the outside... is jail? Inside there is air conditioning, the ceiling fans (and if you've never layed full on your back with the ceiling fan on your belly, then you haven't lived, my friend!), a reliable source of food and water, entertainment, and all the means a cat needs to start up her plan of world domination. Why would I ever want to go outside into the heat, the humidity, to encounter dogs, other cats, other humans that I haven't trained, bugs.... bah. Here I can put my plans in motion, without having to be in motion myself.

If only Pinky over here would stop her incessant chirping. 8 months with us and while she does keep me entertained during the times when my human isn't here, she still shows no sign of appreciable intelligence. I guess every Brain must have a Pinky, as my human says. At least she's smart enough to realize the lack in my roommate.

I will admit. She's cute. I can use her in my plans... I've seen how humans coo over her. Yes... yes... I can see it coming togeth-- TREATS!