OMG like so totally no way!

Okay so like i was following Mom into the bathroom but Nirmal was in there again and I'm like, dude, you never leave, do you? You smell like a bathroom. And he was like, you know, in his snobby tone, "Shut up, you malodorous snob," and I was so hurt, I mean, that was like totally uncalled for, you know? So I pattered out of the bathroom and Mom reached down to pet me and I thought it was Nirmal so I turned and hissed at her and then I felt doubly bad, you know, and Mom was mad so she said Knock it off, Peeper, and everyone was like so mean to me and I totally went and let it out on Sphinx because he's such a wussy old fart, you know? So he came down the stairs to get his dinner and I blocked the entrance and totally wouldn't let him pass, and like he just sat there with that dumb look on his face, and i was laughing (and hissing) and it was so much fun! But then Mom came down the stairs and she is so wanny over Sphinx, it's like totally pathetic, and so like I let him pass but I gave him a good swipe on his way, and Mom got mad again and I just puffed my tail up and strutted out of the kitchen like HMPH!

A Day at the Spa

Omigod so like I was done eating and then like she went upstairs, you know, and so I like went up there too, and like she was in the bathroom combing Nirmal, you know how that is, like she totally babies him, omigod, it's like so annoying. She totally favors him, you know? So like I ignored her as usual, I mean, she tries to talk to me and I'm just like, yeah whatever, so I like just walk past her and like jump in the bathtub and like start cleaning myself, you know? The other cats do it like anywhere, like on the carpet or the couch, you know? And I'm like that is just sooo grody. So I totally do it in the bathtub, you know? Oh and like she makes me wear this stupid jeweled necklace thing, you know? But it's like too big and anyway it so messes with my hair, you know? I have this big beautiful fluffy mane and she so like messes with it when she puts that stupid grody necklace on me, and it just gets lost under my ruff anyway so like why does she bother, you know? So anyway like what's up with your life?