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The Life of Ka - zar

My weekly rant for the week ending 18th June 2009

July 17th 2009 4:50 am
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I decided I had to take action after last week and my rant coming out late so I've made Mum sit down and do my rant tonight. She going out tomorrow morning and I didn't want the same thing as last week happening again.

I don't have that much great news as the weather has been really cold and all I've really done this week is slept in front of the heater and got cuddles from my humans. So I decided to dedicate this rant to a very special catster kitty that I've met through olde furt's breakfast club that is run by the wonderful Pie.

Granddad Joseph Conrad is 17 years old and live in Gloucestershire in United Kingdom and tell the most wonderful stories about things that have happened in his life.

He comes to breakfast club and all he wants to do is share his stories with us and the honour is all ours as well love to listen to them. I want to help him share his stories by putting a couple in my diary. Here the first one. I hope the peeing reference doesn't offend anyone. This come from the olde furts breakfast club thread.

Graddad's peeing story.

Proper peeing is an art form and a delicate is subtle and so, so secret.........although, ok, sometimes it may come upon you to pee in the glaring light of day.....(I did, sometimes,........wwwhhheee, yyyiiipppeee....a new plastic carrier bag......let's smother it in PPPPEEEEEE!!!!!)

But always remember that you must pee quickly, suddenly.....a sudden shake of the rear end, up on the back paws and LET GO!!!!! Then RUN AWAY.......

Often you are not observed and it is only later that the pink monkeys realise that the reason that their computer or their music system will not work is because YOU HAVE BEEN THERE.......!!! This is as it should be.......please take note of these ideas and pass them on to your younger siblings.......but, indeed, I am not trying to 'tell my grandmother how to suck eggs'.......I am sure you have passed these words of wisdom on to your younger siblings already....but it is never a bad idea just to take stock and think about what lessons they still need to learn.......

Granddad's Marmite twirling story.

Marmite twirling is an ancient British art form, practiced firstly by the Celts and then taken up by the Romans when they invaded Britain.......since the fall of the Roman Empire and the coming of the Dark Ages in Britain the secret of Marmite Twirling has been remembered, lost, re-discovered, lost again.......until the Victorian era, when it was re-discovered by the poet Tennyson (although he does not mention it in his poetry) and has been practiced more or less in that form ever since.........I learned it from a mighty guru who told me only to tell one or two cats, but I believe everyone should have a chance to explore it in depth......and so I will tell you all.....

That is the background.......

Now to the practice........

1) You need a jar of MARMITE (a British type of yeast extract with inebriating qualities for cats).......

2) you must practice every day to elongate your tongue to at least ...what?.....3 inches in length.....(stick your tongue out as far as it will go and shout 'Scots, Wa-hay' ...this will elongate your tongue......

3) When your tongue is at the required length you must strengthen it by curling it around something (anything will do eg. your younger sibling, a potato, a tin a cat food) until it has the required strength......

4) when the required exercises have been done and the tongue is lengthened and strengthened THIS IS WHAT YOU MUST DO.......

Lay on your back, grasp a jar of marmite with your tongue, twirl it round your head three times, then take a mighty swallow of the marmite........continue to do this as many times as you are able.......

(unfortunately, when I put on a display of marmite twirling, after a few twirls I get so tiddly that the jar drops on my head and renders me unconscious........) the object of the exercise is to have a contest to see who gets knocked on the head first........the winner is the one who finishes the whole jar without passing out........

As far as I know there is no tradition in Australia that uses Vegiemite.

I hope if you read this far you enjoyed Granddad's stories. he is a great kitty and I hope I did Granddad some justice by putting two of his stories in my diary and writing about him.

I hope you all have a great week. I will continue to purr for those kitties in need, Until my next rant. Stay safe and healthy.

Purrs and Hugs your Aussie mate

Ka - zar

Purred by: Angel Ivan WLC: Wrld's Lzist C (Catster Member)

July 17th 2009 at 8:24 am

Isn't peeeeing where you're not supposed to so much fun? Wheeeeee!!!
Purred by: Muppet (Catster Member)

July 18th 2009 at 12:28 am

Stay warm Ka-Zar!
I wonder if Marmite is similar to my Buprenix...... pain meds? *giggles*

~luvs and hugs~


Ka - zar 1.6.1998 to 25.2.2014


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