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A Cat's Conspiracy Theories

liebe mama…

may 13 will be mothers' day this year – no news. human and i recently talked a lot about my mommy. i think it's a good moment to eventually thank my mom for everything she did for me. the more since human promised to stay away from pooter and desk and all that stuff for the whole weekend ahead. happy mother's day - whoever you spend it with!



liebe mama,

it's nearly 8 years that we last saw each other. 8! can you believe that! and because with a 90° turn 8 is the sign for eternity (infinity) i want to tell you that your little girl hasn't forgotten you. i won't ever. i thank you so much. even the mean person is aware what a great success you had in educating me. believe it or not, but whenever i forget – she reminds me and i know she wishes she could have met you…

You…
…have chosen the perfect daddy for me! everybody likes the red anger wrinkles on my forehead (although some call it an incomplete tabby-M) and human adores the thousands of reds i likely have to thank daddy's gene pool.
…gave me belly massages when i was still a blind kitten with round ears. i remember those massages whenever i allow human to rub my belly and purr my lungs out.
...understood my smooth kitten "m-ouw"s. kittens and mommies develop their own language. that happens a billion times - but still is so unique. i hope you don't mind that today i share our language with human. sometimes. when she was exceptionally sweet to me.
…taught me that i should keep distance to humans unless they've proven that i can trust them. so far only my personal staff is worth my affection – and she appreciates that i am a wise and observing cat.
…told me that we cats are supposed to rule. i have learnt that lesson, be sure! i do not only have my own person firmly under control, nobody may enter my home without my permission. i watch d-o-g-things and other creatures outside to make sure they won't revolt. and i even chased away unwelcome jerks last year.
…taught me the real values in life. "ignore the dumb before you waste too much time", was one of your rules. oh, and how i ignore most bipeds! "be nice when you meet someone nice", was another of your rules. i do my best to find out who is nice and who's not worth my or human's respect. i help human to sort out the unworthy ones.

mama, i do my best to be a cat you'd like to have around if we were still living together. out there in the suburbs of the big city where i was born and where we spent the first summer of my life together. i have adopted a human who does her best to respect me. i had the choice, back in shelter. "plush and luxury" or "humor and imagination" – and i have decided against being lazy and slowly. i challenge the human's creativity to invent new kittytainment all the time. sometimes i applaud for her ideas, sometimes i tell her to intensify her efforts. see, mama? now it's me who educates a simple mind – and i am even loyal although she's ugly and furless. the generosity of a real royal, right?!

i love you, mama, and i hope you'd be proud of me if you could read this and watch my life.

your kitten of love

ooooooooooooops...

...recently i sawed off the berlin city forest.

at first human was happy when i woke her for that means i slept in our bedroom. i only sleep there at night when my kitty world is fully perfect. and since we have gardeners for some time who behave like workers (stink, make noise, work early morning and late afternoon, have i mentioned the NOISES?) my kitty world was by far not perfect.

then it was and i returned.

now it's not perfect anymore.

after sawing not only the trees but also the stumps the following nights - she said that if my snoring gets only a µ louder she'll put me on d-i-e-t...

:((((((((

I have a dream…

this morning when i came to see what's new in catsterland i found a rosette with a beautiful memento and was very astounded. i hadn't participated in any contest. where did the anonymous rosette come from? friends, was i exited! then i sat down, tried to calm and read carefully. "dreamgirl" it said and then i remembered that already some of my friends have been announced as dreamgirls, dreamettes or angel dreamgirls. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, i am in very good company! thank you for helping me to spread the facts!!! i feel really flattered but nevertheless – and please don't think that i was unthankful or vain – i was not surprised…

i guess i have to explain? the mean person hasn't missed a single day since we live together to tell me that i am her dreamgirl – although she doesn't get tired to tell me now that i was the opposite of her dream when we first met.
or her "little angel" – although she always reminds me that i am of the cheeky kind.
or her "sweet kitty" – which she tells me in order to remind me to be glad i needn't live in plush and with a person who saw only my looks instead of my purrsonality.
or her "genius roommate" – at least "for a cat" as she says.
or her "piece of purring gold" - and then she starts wiping off my underfur in shedding seasons.
or her personal "best of all cats" – this one she tells me without additions...
and of course you know that i am absolutely "world's coolest ishtar" – at least for the mean person. and with a bit of luck for some of my friends, too.
this inflation of compliments i use to get daily made it impossible to be surprised – but i am very, very happy that the cats who voted for me now with their choice help to spread the word! my human is right (this time!!!) and she lives with a dream(girl). like my friends' humans do ;)

now i have a dream! [i have asked my personal expert in judging human habits and behavior and she said that the certain great american who had another dream sure won't be angry when "a smart creature" (human's words, not mine!!!) borrows his words.] "now is the time to rise form the dark and desolate valley of segregations to the sunlit path of […] justice.", is what a certain great american several years ago said. i want everyone with or without fur to get the honor she or he deserves. you're all the main character in someone's dreams - at least you should be. i dream that all of you have already found that someone or that you'll soon find him/her. and if so – snuggle up to the one and never let him/her go, because like another great american sang, not said:

everybody needs somebody
everybody needs somebody
everybody wants somebody to love
honey to hug
sugar to kiss
baby to miss now
baby to tease
sometimes to please
and i need you you you
and i need you you you
in the morning baby you you you
when the sun goes down you you you
ain't no nobody around you you you

thanks again for thinking of me as a dreamgirl…