I have decided to stop my escapist ways.

On June 2nd, the man slave-master...uh...guardian...stopped coming home. A lot of people were here and they were all sad & crying. Even that blasted dog was sad, so I couldn't even be mean to him. They kept saying something about an accident at work. They kept telling the woman guardian & Courtney about how sorry they were that the man was gone. He hasn't come home back yet and I don't think he will. I always plotted to kill them, but I was never going to bring my plans to fruition. The woman guardian needs me now. She is so sad and hugs me a lot. Her daughter does, too. I am obviously needed here and will cease my escape attempts. I love them & they are hurting...they are my duty now.

These are the days of discontent.

I had to bring the woman captor the head of my fuzzy mouse to show her what I was capable of doing. She relented a bit...and I have my chance to gain access to the computer.

Christmas was good...for being a cat of my caliber held against my will. Ebony and I received fuzzy mice and some catnip mice. Since the catnip made me intoxicated, my guard was down and I allowed the imbicile dog to gain access to my hidden cache of toys, snacks & catnip. All because the vile woman captor tried to appease us with cheap trinkets and goodwill. I'll show her goodwill...all over her new AREA RUG!!

Until next time, stupid humans....

Day of captivity # 1,820

That vile woman! She has impeded my work since the day I escaped from that wretched animal shelter. The woman captor seems to be more on guard with me as of late. I've got to get out of here. That dog keeps mouthing my neck. I've got to divise a way to use his size and lack of intelligence as means of escape. I will need to think about this one. In the meantime, I may teach him a new game, like 'swallow the stuff under the sink' or 'time to play in traffic'.
I think I'm going to turn in for a nice long nap, but I think I'll catch the weather report first. Then, I will divise my plans for escape. Forecast for tomorrow; A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom....or whatever.
I've must leave my captors a subtle reminder to change my litterbox and to remember to leave a fresh copy of Wall Street Journal next to it.

Til' we speak again, stupid humans...

Day of captivity # 1,809

Ugh! Finally, that vile dog & the woman captor have left the computer alone. The woman captor keeps talking about taking me to see the veterinarian. I thought I told them all last time that I didn't want to be there. Perhaps the wounds I inflicted upon them all weren't enough of a deterent. I will have to try harder. *Note to self: Practice extra sessions of Tae Kwon Do and sharpen claws. Also, leave not-so-subtle reminder to woman captor that I don't like that particular flavor of dog food she had been buying. Whenever I sneak some, I pass more wind than a sailboat on San Francisco bay. *
I had a taste of sweet freedom the other day...until I realized it was raining. I forget how sensitive my paws are and they could get chaffed. I'll have to commandeer the man captor's work boots for next escape attempt.

Signing off until next week, stupid humans...

Day of captivity # 1,802

I regret to inform you, I will only be able to bring you my tales of captivity and abuse once weekly. The only time I'm able to commandeer the computer is after the woman captor is done taking dictation for that vile dog. Like the world wants to hear his inane stories of butt sniffing and ball fetching. Anyhoo, let's get on with it then, shall we?:

Let's see. I sleep most of the day, when I'm not sleeping, I'm divising my latest escape plan. What has seemed to work the best lately is to wait until it's dark. I get that fat chick named Ebony that I live with to be a diversion and then I make a run for it. More often than not, the stupid humans are too slow and I make my way to sweet freedom! After a few hours though, it gets awfully chilly at night or I get hungry and I forget that I haven't planned for provisions for my trip. I end up swallowing my pride and act like I want to be with them and am allowed back into the captor's encampment. After I've had my fill of the dog's food or the dry cereal swill (that the cat food industry has forced the stupid humans to believe is tasty to the feline species), I take a nap and devise my next plan. Some day...I will show them...when I do escape they will rue the day they forced me into their lives. But for now, I have an itch on the back of my head and the woman captor knows how to scratch it so well. Then she lets me sleep next to her on the arm of the recliner and I start to purr and it's sheer bliss, I'm just in heaven and I can't wait to see them...uh...um......er...die in their sleep!! (Whew, that was close...I almost allowed myself to be seduced into believing they would be nice...stupid humans.)

Try to contain your excitement until my entry next week, stupid humans.