Don't Try This At Home!

Before I start I want to make sure every kitty knows that the trick I’m about to discuss should not be attempted at home. Remember, even I failed at this trick and it was after many practice runs! It’s not an easy trick! (But if you are too tempted, make sure the toilet water is clean!)

Warning: This trick was performed by a professional stunt-kitty, and performed under the strict supervision of a Stunt Director (aka Meowmy) for safety. Mia cannot be held liable for any bodily injury or harm…including wet paws or other body parts; any broken stunt-kitty dreams; or any ensuing embarrassment, that such kitty might encounter when attempting to duplicate the toilet trick. Any attempts at such trick are at the kitty’s own risk.

Ok now that we have THAT out of the way…I’ve been trying to perfect a new trick that I have. Meowmy actually doesn’t like it too much and has warned me several times of the possible consequences of continuing to do such trick, but I never listened. You see, I’ve always been interested in achieving new heights and investigating new things within our house. There are still a few places that I have to check out. Meowmy usually has our toilet seat down, unless of course it’s in use. So I’ve been sneaking peaks before and after their use! Though I will admit, I have gotten impatient at times and joined her while it was in use. Anyway, up until the other day, I was pretty good at jumping onto the seat and balancing myself up there. I mean I do have little paws and the seat is wide, it’s no big, right? The other day I snuck a jump up, right as Meowmy was about to take a seat. She yelled at me to “get down”, so I had to turn around and jump down. Well, my balance must have been off that day because all of a sudden my back paw slipped and…PLOP! It went in the toilet! All I could say is “Aaaaaah my foot is wet, my foot is WET!” I scrambled to try to get it out and jump down. My back paw kept slipping on the seat from the wetness. I ran and licked it as dry as I could, but it still felt wrong long after. I walked around shaking off my back paw for quite a while. Meowmy kept laughing at me. She told me “I told you so”. Also that I ‘deserved’ it, because I was interrupting her from taking a much needed pee, if you get my drift. (She was dancing around the toilet when she first got there, you can imagine how much she was dancing by the time she got done laughing at me.) So I guess what this has taught me is to work on my balance and, of course, never give up. Even though I may have gotten one wet paw, I’m going to stick it out and try, try again! I’m a brave kitty. I just need to order me a wet suit online first…what size do you think I am?

Elvis Has NOT Left the Building...

Meowmy and Daddy have been laughing at me and calling me Elvis. I don’t find it to be very amusing. You see, one of the kitties bit my lip and I have a little puncture mark inside my mouth and a fat lip from it. It’s not huge, but it does make me close my mouth funny. It also seems like I have something hidden in my cheek. But it looks like I’ve got one side of my lips raised higher than the other, and you can see my tooth underneath. So I guess for that reason I DO resemble Elvis.

They just tried to put something on it to make it better, but it was cold. I hate it when they try to fix me. I can heal myself, Thank You Very Much.

They’re laughing at me again! What?? What was so funny? I don’t get it!

Don’t be cruel…making fun of a kitty. Sheesh!

Finders Keepers

I thought I’d take a moment to explain the very scientific, ‘Theory of Finders Keepers’ for all you kitties out there. (Particularly my family!) I realize there’s a Queen in many houses, and I can understand if you feel the need to alter my definition to fit your own needs. I do claim rights to this definition, however. It’s very simple and can be explained in one easy to remember sentence. First I’ll give the “layman’s definition” as the humans would call it, for any slow kitties. And then I’ll describe how it works in more detail.

“Whatsoever Mia finds, Mia keeps.”

It’s that simple! Before we get started please understand the following; when I say Mia I mean me, not any of you other kitties named “Mia”. After all, I’m the genius behind the theory. And yes, I do realize I’m speaking in the third person in the definitions, but you see I don’t want my siblings to get confused when I make them memorize and repeat the rules later. If I wrote the definitions in the first person they might get confused and think they get to keep everything and we don’t want that!

For individuals that are interested in more information…these are the 4 parts of the official “Theory of Finders Keepers” by definition:

1.Anything that humans leave hanging around the house (be it on the floor, on the computer desk, or on any other surface within the house) becomes Mia’s in the event that she finds it and decides that it shall be Mia’s new toy.

Side note: While this can be absolutely any kind of “thing”; I especially like pens, pencils, chapstick, receipts, and IPod earbuds. Of course, there is no limitation as to what may become mine. And yes, I do take bribes.

2. Any toy left behind shall become the personal property of Mia. Any kitty that attempts to retrieve such toy shall be tackled and wrestled until they give in and return it to its rightful owner…Mia.

3. Any food left untouched by any family member, cat or human, must be allowed to Mia if she happens upon it first.

4. These rules are subject to change as Mia sees fit. Additional rules can also be added upon need. Void where prohibited by Meowmy. Rules are applicable to any furry creature or human entering Mia’s territory. Lost items will not be returned to its original owner. No purring necessary. Purring will not increase your chances of recovering your lost item. Decisions of Mia are final and binding in all respects.

If anyone is thinking, “Wow, she’s really smart for such a little kitty”…that’s right! I am street smart and street tough, and don’t you forget it!

Oops, I Did It Again (No, Not the Song!)

Yesterday I was involved with another falling object fiasco! And this time, yes it was ALL MY fault. I told Meowmy I was sorry, but she’s still mad. This time the fallen objects broke! I’m in soooo much trouble! See all I was trying to do was snack on some food. Yes the food was not mine and was put up on the counter to be kept away from us big kitties…but it was there. I say if it’s there, and it’s made for cats, its public property. Actually it doesn’t have to be made for cats, per se, just so long as I deem it cat WORTHY. Meowmy would disagree. I didn’t see anykitty’s name on it anyway! She yelled at me, “Bad Girl” and then told me that it was the babies’ food. Well technically, Meowmy, you feed me the same stuff…just in a different bowl, and in a different room. But let’s not be picky about the details. I tried to tell her all that and she wouldn’t listen to me. In my defense, I was hungry and the little furballs had eaten some of our food already. I felt it was only fair that I took my snacking over to their bowls in retaliation.

But here’s how it all happened. Meowmy’s been real sneaky about preventing us big kitties from eating the babies’ food. She started putting an empty bowl on top of the full bowl and placing the two on the counter so she could hear us jumping about if we tried to get at it. Well I SAW her do this so I knew what I had to do; I had it all planned out. Step 1: Check all directions to make sure it was safe to commence the mission. Step 2: Jump onto the toilet. Step 3: Jump onto counter top. Step 4: (Which was the hardest part and I wasn’t really sure how to complete it going into the mission.) Remove the top bowl to get to the bowl underneath where the food was hidden. Step 5: Munch! I was trying to be all quiet and cunning about my plans and everything was going quite well until I got to Step 4. I pushed on the upper bowl to try to get it off, but instead of removing one bowl I kind of, sort of…well, pushed them BOTH off the whole counter! And it’s kind of hard to be quiet when the bowl crashes to the tiled floor.

Oh CATNIP, it made a lot of noise! It honestly scared the tail off of me! I fluffed up and ran like a cat out of a bag! Then the yelling started and I was caught while trying to escape the wreckage. I tried to blame it on Dusty, but I couldn’t find him. I doubt Meowmy would have fallen for it anyway. So, one bowl cracked into three pieces and a pile of tiny chips. The other had two major chips causing sharp edges and couldn’t be saved. Meowmy grounded me for the rest of the night, forcing me to kitten-sit. Luckily for me, kitten-sitting is usually pretty fun because I play with the rugrats the whole time! So much for punishment! :) I hope she doesn't realize that I LIKE kitten-sitting...otherwise she'll come up with some other form of punishment! I cringe just thinking about it!

Kitty Yoga 101

So Meowmy thinks I should start my own kitty Yoga class. Becuz after a good play or game of chase…when I need to just relax...I tend to get into my Yoga pose. I think it’s very comfy and relaxing! It’s really hard for me to explain in words in here. Which is exactly why Meowmy thinks I need to start a class. Let’s try it, though.

Okay every kitty…lay down on your belly with your back legs tucked under your tummy. Now you want to fold your front paws under your chest. But instead of tucking them under tight and hidden, like you normally do…let ‘em loose a bit. They should look like chicken wings slightly tucked under you with your elbows pointing out at your sides. Don't be afraid to let your tail stick straight out, kitties! This is all about comfort and relaxation! Now hold that pose!

This is the perfect position for long stares into space…or when you just need a moment to paws, sorry pause. Also I find it to be comfy enough to take a quick cat nap in! You have just learned a pose that I like to call “The Lazy Chicken”. If you'd like to see it in action, check out my Catster pics!

“The Lazy Chicken” is a trademark of Mia Inc. All Rights Reserved. WARNING: For private home use only. Federal law prohibits any unlawful reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted fitness pose.

Pink Crinkly Tunnel O'Fun!!

Meowmy just came back from the store with a surprise. It was a crinkly kitty tunnel! I love it! It's brown and pink so it's purfect for me! I just went on her lap and chirped to show her my appreciation. But let me tell you the funniest part! My "big" brothers are scared of it because it makes noise. Dusty has been circling it cautiously and sniffing at it. Meowmy tried to put him in, but he backed out of it once it crinkled. His stay in it was so short that I don't even think it did a full "crink-le" noise...maybe it was just a "crink". Anyway, you shoulda seen Toby's reaction. That was the funniest. He was hidin' in the other room so Meowmy had to go get him. (New things scare him.) She was trying to put him down in front of it and before he even got to the floor....he was already moving his legs like crazy. He was running in mid air, he really was! When his feet touched the floor he did the Wile E. Coyote trick where his legs move and he goes nowhere. He scratched and trampled out of the room as fast as possible and then hid AGAIN! What a scaredy. I'm embarassed to call them family! But I am glad they don't like the surprise because it means the tunnel is all MINE! I'm so excited I don't know what to do with myself! I want to be in the room with Meowmy, but I also want to play with my new toy!! So I've been taking turns running back and forth from tunnel to Meowmy and back! Whew! OK, now I'm going back to my pink crinkly tunnel O'fun!

And Then...It FELL!

Yesterday morning me and my big brothers were playing crazily like we always do. I was running around like a nut and biting at them as usual. We had a bit of a Chase game going on, I believe. I’ll admit my energy does make them act a bit more out of control than they normally would be. All this was happening while Meowmy got ready for work. Anyway, I won’t mention any names (so as to not get any kitty in trouble with Meowmy because she still doesn’t know who did it)…but one (or some) of us managed to knock a large decorative dish off of the coffee table. It was sitting on the middle shelf and I guess we bumped it. I think it went wobbly wobbly before it finally went off the side. When it hit the coffee table and floor it made a loud “crash-bang” noise and it scared us like you wouldn’t believe!! At first we didn’t know what it was, just that it was loud and scary. I immediately fluffed up my tail in preparation for an altercation and dove under the couch for safety. Toby and Dusty tried to run out of the room, but they didn’t seem to be getting very far, last I saw. It was right about this time that Meowmy came to see what the ruckus was for. Meowmy said Dusty and Toby looked like cartoon characters. She said their legs were moving real fast, but they weren’t going anywhere…like Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner. They couldn’t get traction on the Pergo floor on the first few tries and you could hear their nails on the floor. Then finally the paw pads gripped and they were gone in a flash. They ran into Meowmy’s bedroom for cover. Meowmy had originally gone out there to yell at us, she said. But she couldn’t help laugh at the sight of my brothers and their attempts at running from ‘danger’. She did manage to get out a half laugh/half yell of “If you kitties weren’t so out of control, you wouldn’t knock things down and scare yourselves!” I do believe she has made a good point. I was so scared I didn’t come out for about 10 minutes and made Meowmy late for work. Oops!

Us kitties have agreed to try to stay further away from ‘knockables’ when playing. But now I’m worried about other things because I just checked my horoscope for today. “If you're not careful, you'll find yourself in a mess of trouble. Stay away from the places you're forbidden to enter -- counters, high places and bookshelves. You might find yourself locked behind closed doors.” As you can see from my last diary entry, I do tend to get locked into places. And I’m scared of the dark and being all alone!!  On another occasion I got locked in Meowmy’s room all day because I snuck in before she closed the door. (I don’t recall if one of us wrote about that episode.) I don’t know if I can manage to stay out of trouble for a WHOLE DAY!!

Hey! Who turned off the lights?

I was minding my own business, being curious and looking around the house in the nooks and crannies when all of a sudden it became really dark. I didn’t know where Meowmy and Daddy were, and I didn’t know how to get out of the weird box thing I was in. Meowmy and Daddy were getting ready to leave for a trip to the store, so they were counting kitties before they closed the bedroom door to leave. (Side note: Back before I came along, Dusty was a bad kitty and became curious about Meowmy’s bureau. He had to go in for a closer look and ended up scratching the wood. Ever since then, she always has to close off the bedroom before she leaves. If you check out Dusty’s and Toby’s diaries there are other stories about the infamous bedroom.) Anyways, Meowmy found Dusty and Toby right away for the kitty count but she couldn’t seem to find me. Daddy checked all my usual hiding spots; under the bed, under the coffee table, in the tub, etc. Meowmy started to realize I musta gotten into something and asked Daddy to check the closets. That’s when I realized they were searching for me, so I let out my biggest little meow. Meowmy knows me well and knew right away where I had gotten into…the trash cabinet. When Daddy opened up the cabinet, I popped out, up and over the trash can to freedom! Daddy just laughed at me. I was so scared in there, it was way too dark. I think I’ll be staying out of that place! I much prefer the closets with all its fun things to play with!

Please Don't Scare Mia

I got into really big trouble the other day. I have a tendency to scratch at things that I’m not supposed to scratch at…like the ottoman and Meowmy’s box-spring and the carpet. Even though there are plenty of kitty scratching furniture in the house! The other day Daddy was trying to teach me not to scratch and he really scared me bad! I’m a sensitive kitty, I just can’t help it. I don’t like being yelled at, I usually run and hide. I don’t like being hit, that scares me too. But Daddy yelled “No, Mia! Bad Girl!”, so I ran to hide. He tried to catch me as I ran and it just really scared me. He is so big compared to me and he sounded so loud and mean when he yelled. Then with him coming to get me, I didn’t want to get hit or be in more trouble. I didn’t know what to do…I ended up wetting myself. It’s so embarrassing. I got the kitchen floor all wet and my fur smelled so bad that I needed a bath. Baths also scare me. When he finally picked me up, I realized he wasn’t gonna do anything bad to me and felt silly. He just wanted to talk to me about not scratching at things. So I’m gonna try my bestest to be a good girl and try not to be so sensitive and scared, but everything is so new to me right now. I really do hate getting into trouble.

OH NO! I've been Tagged!

I was tagged today by Bailey. This is my first time being tagged, so here it goes! For anyone else that is new to this, the point of the game is to name 7 random facts about myself and then tag 7 others who then create a diary entry of their own and do the same. And the game just keeps going on and on and on!


My 7 Random Facts:

1. I’m a juvenile cat burglar. This morning, I stole Meowmy’s sock right out of her suitcase (just back from vacation). I’m learning from my brother Dusty!

2. I was really shy when Meowmy first took me home and didn’t like too much attention. Meowmy bottle fed me for a few days to make me more comfortable. I’m cuddly now and sleep with her every night!

3. I’ve got a tiny black spot of fur on the bottom of my back foot. The first time Meowmy and Daddy saw it, they thought it was poopy! MOL!

4. Sometimes when I meow it’s really loud and it sounds screechy. Other times when I meow it’s silent! My mouth opens, but no noise comes out!

5. If I had been a boy, my name would have been Rascal. Because I'm energetic and TROUBLE!

6. Thanks to another Catster kitty, my new nickname is Mia the Magnificent…you can check out my other diary entry to find out why.

7. If I weren’t so cute, Meowmy & Daddy were going to put me up for adoption, but they just couldn’t let me go!


Now here are the 7 other kitties I chose to tag:

1. Mia- Because whether she knows it or not, SHE IS MY NAMESAKE! She’s sucha cutie that Meowmy and Daddy thought we matched purrfect!

2. Rusty – Because she’s one ROCKIN’ Orange kitty!

3. Jynx – Because she finally found a furrever home with a sister to keep her company!

4. Simba – Because he’s our newest furriend, and he seems like a lot of fun!

5. Cleo – Because she looks like my Big Brother Dusty, and has CH, like my other brother Toby…

6. Keiko – Because she’s one cool Cali!

7. Tinkerbell – Because she’s new to Catster and we need to give her some purrs!