The Telltale Tail

Have been contemplating problem of instinct vs. need to maintain feline dignity. Very important to display aura of quiet dignity and aloofness at all times so as not to encourage human parents or other animals to treat one with less respect than is due. This made difficult by rebellious nature of fur and tail that bush or fluff out when surprised or startled. Do not wish to have fur and tail fluff out to ten times normal size but cannot seem to control reaction. Particularly embarrassing in recent case of realtor going door to door while walking dog. Dog was approximately same size as self and most likely less fierce, nevertheless, tail and back fur fluffed out when dog walked by window, exposing self to much merriment from human parents. Phenomenon is particularly annoying as Tabitha does not share it but manages to remain smooth and unconcerned no matter the circumstance. Air of smugness exuding from Tabitha in these situations particularly maddening. Perhaps is result of old age and complacency thereof. In which case there is some advantage to growing old, though do not wish to acquire annoying habit of reminiscing about my catnip days, saying things like "when I was a kitten, we didn't have any of these new-fangled electronic furry mice -- we had to make them move by ourselves". Quite tiresome.

Birds of a Feather

Engaged in birdwatching this afternoon. Think birds not as good prey as furry mice. Feathers and claws and beaks not particularly appetizing. Tails much tastier. Birds however interesting to watch. In unexpected feat of intellect, human parents put up hummingbird feeder outside window. Most amusing to watch tiny creatures and think what tasty morsels they would make could one but reach them. Hummingbirds in fact have over-inflated egos for such tiny creatures. They have annoying tendency to hover in front of one, as if to say "are you looking at me?" in manner of hard-boiled movie character. Content myself with thinking how well shredded bird would go with dry cat food.

The Rules

Managed brilliant breaking of house rules yesterday. House rules not strict in manner of Brocklehurst school in Jane Eyre but still exist. Cats not allowed in spare bedroom, on dining table or coffee table, and definitely not in kitchen. Of course rules not enforced while human parents not in house, as even they realize futility of such. Often hear talk of setting up web cams to monitor activity while gone but in characteristic lazy human fashion nothing has come of this. Real thrill lies in breaking rules while human parents are present. Sitting on edge of coffee table with innocent expression a favorite of mine. However, last night was definite triumph of feline spirit. Human mom was at dining table with back to kitchen enjoying late night snack. I slipped in and jumped on counter, proceeding to clean up empty soy cheese wrapper. Would have gotten away with it if not for traitor Tabitha, who sat by kitchen doorway staring pointedly at me. Human mom turned around a few times to see what Tabitha was staring at, but refrigerator hid me from sight. Unfortunately crackly noise of cheese wrapper being licked finally tipped her off and I was escorted from premises. Still, confident that escapade was near perfect success.. Also, soy cheese not so bad as it sounds.

Good Housekeeping

Ha! Have found a new way to annoy human mom. Mom was cleaning litterbox later than usual, with slovenly disregard of household schedule. (Cannot understand why two days of week are treated as excuse to sleep late and put off chores. Surely humans must recognize cat's need for schedule.) Was standing by mom observing cleaning process in manner of Martha Stewart or other disapproving Good Housekeeping figure. Mom became flustered by critical eye. Was able to add to her discomfort by approaching box as if to use. Was admonished to wait. Retreated. Once litterbox was clean, ignored it, to great disgust of mom. Very entertaining. Must try again in future. Perhaps will meow pitifully or hinder actual cleaning progress by shoving nose against mom's arm next time.

Tails of Furry Mice

Am continuously thwarted in attempts to campaign for more toy furry mice. Problem is of course that current collection of furry mice are missing tails. Cat population in general knows that tail is best part of furry mouse toy. Tail is both necessary for flinging mouse into air and also tastiest part of toy mouse. Therefore encounter age-old dilemma as whether to eat tail first thing or exhibit restraint and keep tail for best flinging results. Is losing battle: tail cries out to be eaten immediately. Afterwards am left with inferior tail-less mouse which, while fine for chasing down halls, is nevertheless now sub-standard prey. Have tried to convince human parents that more furry mice are necessary by shoving current mouse population under sofa and door to linen closet. This method a failure, as human parents merely discover mice periodically and return them to me. More discreet under-the-bed and behind-tv-cabinet hiding places also discovered. Must consider alternate plan. Perhaps focus pitiful kitty eyes on human parents in manner of Puss in Boots from "Shrek 2" or kitschy big-eyed cat painting. If all fails will attempt kitty mind-meld while human parents are asleep.

A Purrfect Beginning

Thought long and hard (while appearing to untrained eyes to take nap) about title for diary. Concerned about choosing title that suggests true literary nature of diary while also being entertaining. Do not want to bore Catster audience, but at same time do not wish to be purveyor of mere fluff. Mulled over such titles as "Of Furry Mice and Men", "A Cat's Tail", and "Litterbox Letters" before settling on "Claws and Effect". Think final title is quite good, though housemate Tabitha was skeptical. "Why not choose a more straight-forward title?", she asked. Suspect Tabitha lacks sense of humor so critical for modern cat. Whacked her on the nose as test. Hissing reaction confirms correctness of theory. Am clearly misunderstood genius.